My dad broke my heart...
By peedielyn
@peedielyn (1207)
United States
February 4, 2009 6:48pm CST
Hello fellow Mylotters! I have an issue. Most of you know my situation as far as my kids go but I will freshen you up. About 9 years ago, because of an unfortunate event, I had to give my parents custody of my son. He was snatched by his g-ma on his dad's side and I was in a car accident looking for him. On the day before Thanksgiving, my son's g-ma came to get him for his fathers visitation for the Holiday. They were supposed to come back Sunday night after Thanksgiving. Needless to say they didn't. I did all that I could to try and find out where they were and got no where.
Anyhow, after many phone calls and about 5 tanks of gas and 4 cops telling me there was nothing I could do until the child was missing for 12 days(in ohio at that time, if you let the non-custodial parent visit with a child and he leaves, I can't call it kidnapping until 12 days after the original return date). I called my parents that Sunday night, to tell them that the g-ma was late and what should I do. I got off the phone with them--they even remarked they hadn't seen him since October when I had brought him over last. Fast forward a few years......
I was talking to my dad not to long ago to see how he felt about me gaining my custody back. My son has lived with me all these years, but I can't claim him on taxes or get insurance on him until I have the papers. Dad said that was fine and as soon as we got the money to file, that's what we would do. While talking to my son's step-mother the other day, I found out that my parents had him all that time ago. Meaning, they had him on Thursday-Thanksgiving day and the whole time after that until we went to court. This means my dad has lied to me all these years. They had my son the whole time and didn't call me about it. They didn't tell me that my son's g-ma had had a heart attack(that's why I couldn't find anyone) and arranged for my son to be dropped off there. No one told me a thing. I finally asked my mom about it and she said that they loved my son and she and dad decided that I didn't need him since I had his little sister at home. She flat out admitted that they wanted the child support from me and his dad. My heart is broken. This B*tch has always been a peice of s*it to me, but my dad?? I Love my Dad with every thing in me! I cannot believe that the man that I look up to would or could do something like this. He has never lied to me before, why now? Why then? What would you do in my situation? WOuld you let it go, or would you pursue the issue. I am really hurt by this. I don't know what to do!
7 people like this
18 responses
@MissAmie (717)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Oh man...all I can say is that's bull! It never ceases to amaze me what people will do for a few dollars. It's rediculous! I can't believe that your parents, who are supposed to be your biggest supporters, lied to you about your own child. I can't imagine my mom doing that to me.
I am the kind of person that holds a grudge. I don't know about you but I don't forget things easily and I'm positive that in this situation I wouldn't forget...EVER. You need to get custody of your son and never speak to either of them again. They let you stress and worry over your little boy, so I would just keep them out of his life so that they don't cause anymore worry and stress. This might sound cruel, but I honestly believe that you and your kids are much better off without people like that in your lives.
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I feel you on the grudge thing. I hold them to where they will divide the days of my life. I am angry at a lot of people for a lot of things and sometimes i just let things go. I depended on him to guide me and when he let this b*tch back into the house AFTER the divorce seems to make things worse. I am getting my son back--I happen to be on very good graces with the judge but that's not going to fix things with me and dad. I loved that man more than life itself. He raised me to be the adult that I am today. I should be more forgiving, but I'm just not feeling it. Thank you for the response!
@assassinswat (9)
• Turkey
5 Feb 09
You situation is tought.Anyway patience is the key.i feel for you and son,i cant believe that parents acts for their own child
@camomom (7535)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Wow
, I really don't know what to say about this. I feel for you and your son. I can't believe a parent would do that to their own child. I just can't imagine what you've been through. I think I'd have to pursue it and get some answers from him. I don't see how, and can't imagine any reason for it but maybe he had/has a good reason for it. Just to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd confront him and ask him about it. I might wait until I gained custody back first though. I'm just stunned that someone would do that.
, I really don't know what to say about this. I feel for you and your son. I can't believe a parent would do that to their own child. I just can't imagine what you've been through. I think I'd have to pursue it and get some answers from him. I don't see how, and can't imagine any reason for it but maybe he had/has a good reason for it. Just to give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd confront him and ask him about it. I might wait until I gained custody back first though. I'm just stunned that someone would do that.1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I can't believe it either. This man was my everything and now I have nothing. I love dad. He raised me when my mother let us all go. He stood behind me when i needed it and to know that he blatenly lied to me about something so important is just ungodly in my mind. Like I said above. I'm giving this a week and then I'm telling them what I think about it. Thank you and wish me luck getting the boy back for good!
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
5 Feb 09
If I'm understanding this right, your child was missing and your parents had him and hid it from you. If that's the situation, I can't believe that any parent would allow their child to go through the grief, frustration and horror of dealing with a missing child. It's unbelievably cruel. I'm sorry to say but if my parents had done that to me, I'd have cut all ties and moved away.
[b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~
**STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
As soon as I can get custody of Enoch, I will trust me. I have a good life ahead of me and because of that b*tch, I have been held back for two years. And now this?? I am so frustrated right now. I am sick of crying and got my cold back. I have been through hell and back because of her and her drama and the fact that she has been this ugly after putting me through that kind of hell altogether is just sickening!
@deborahkat (519)
• Brazil
5 Feb 09
I am really sorry to know this story peedielyn. That´s really tough. But the best is always first try to talk and see the reasons why your daddy acted like that. Why he lied to you. He must have his reasons to have done that. Have a good conversation with him and try to understand him.
I will be here wishing the best to you.
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thank you for the kind wishes. I am wondering the same thing. There has to be a darned good excuse for all of this. He has been the rough hand I needed to get going and the warm heart I needed when I was hurting. There has to be something along a good reason to do this to me. I just don't get it!
@chance2691 (566)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
OH MY GOD! What a mean thing to do!
If I were in your shoes [but thankfully I am not, though--no offense intended], I'd take it against my father. I don't know your family situation, but if my dad did that to me I'd be angry at him so much I'd probably kill his mistress. Why did he have to do that? Is he desperate or psycho or something? It's heartbreaking to read your story, I can almost feel my heart aching--oh wait, it's palpitating.
It seems as if your parents--I am so sorry--are next to 'psychologially incapacitated' persons, if not mental. They're old and they might need money, but if they did they can ask from you straight away. You're still their daughter no matter how you look at it, hence.
AND WHY ON EARTH WOULDN'T YOU 'NEED' YOUR SON BACK? So what if you have a daughter already; that boy's still your flesh and blood!
I'd carry that grude to the grave, I swear I will. It's rude, disrespectful and an insensitive thing to do.
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
When I found out about it the other night, what you are saying is what was running through my mind because I was so p*ssed! Thank you!!
@santhosheie (212)
• India
5 Feb 09
Ur situation is really tough. i feel for u and ur son... i can't believe that parents wil acts for their own child....
@lucy02 (5015)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I would definitely ask your dad about it. It may be a reason why he did this but its always best to get the full story. If not, you may be carrying a grudge around needlessly. It may also be that he was pressured by your mom and is feeling bad about it. Either way I think its best to talk to him and clear the air.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I am praying that there is a good reason behind this. My dad's now ex-wife has put her nose in so much that never involved her that I think there is damage in this situation way beyond repair. I'll keep you posted. Thank you!
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
5 Feb 09
My dad was my world. If he had ever done something like that to me, I'd just have to talk to him straight out about it. We were very close and I'd deep down just know that he had to have his reasons and that they were not to hurt me. I think you need to confront your dad. If he is the man you say he is then he will sit and talk to you and his reasons will be valid. I would NOT let it go at all and you shouldn't. If you do...you will always doubt your dad. Not communicating will damage your relationship without a doubt. Of course there is the chance that your dad is not all that you felt he was and you may have to find a way to accept that. If you don't talk to him....you won't know.
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I know in Oregon if you keep a journal of things like this it is a legal document in court, you should start writing in a journal everything that has to do with your child the times you call there and ask to see the kid and the reasons why they won't let you see him, every little thing write it down in the journal. And then when you go get custody you can show the judge all the things you have been trying to do to see your son and take care of him. I think you should take this to court and get your son back if you are able to have him. If it's not the right thing for you to do then at least talk to your dad write him a letter or something telling him how you feel and maybe it will change his thinking so that you can have your son on visits or something.
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
This is what I had done for the other custody battles with the other kids and I won. I tried talking to Dad about all of this and now he's just quiet. Once an over-bearing butthead that demanded respect is now a cold and quiet man. I asked if he needed mental help and he got angry. He said that if he hadn't stepped in that his other g-ma would have taken him and we all know all too well that he is right about that. My problem is that he taught us to tell the truth no matter what. I am no saint, I haven't been completely honest with a lot of things, but for someone that you know you could depend on to lie like that in such a big way just hurts. I am going to breathe for a bit and then go talk to him. Thank you for the concerns and advise!
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Wow, that is just aweful. I am sorry that, that happened to you. I can certainly understand your pain. I am just so, so, sorry, I am sure this must be very painful, I can not even imagine. I think if you want to try and forgive him and understand him then you are going to have to sit down and talk to him and hear him out. Maybe he had his reasons at the time for doing what he did. You need to find out. Then after you hear him out you can decide to forgive him or not. I would definately demand answers. You have my deepest sympathy.
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I can be forgiving, I have done it before. I think that I need time to heal this wound though and all the prayers I can get. I don't understand what the deal was though. My heart is just torn apart from all of this. When the time comes I will ask and I will keep you all posted on the progress! Thanks for the response.
@raynejasper (2322)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
.. your situation is really tough.. I do understand your feelings.. It really hurts.. Try talking to your dad.. maybe he has other reasons of doing that.. never mind your mom.. your dad is the only person you can rely on and you can't stand alone and face that problem.. ask your dad the whole story.. and tell him you are hurting.. That you did not like what they did.. Most importantly, you pray.. Only God can help you this time.. Be strong.. Stand Firm.. God bless..
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I feel that all I can do is pray right now. He left me broken and down and now he won't even talk to me. I heard him and the b*tch talking last night and he was yelling at her for letting all the info slip. She came out and cussed me because of me talking to my son's step-mom. We are friends, we have that right. She is now threatening to have our number changed so I can't just call anyone. I will give this a week and think about what I want to say and then let loose. I feel that even though they don't respect me, they will after I am done. I deserved to know the truth back then just as I do now. Thank you for the blessings!
@singlemommy (2955)
• United States
5 Feb 09
It is hard for me to say what I would do in your situation. A few years ago, my daughter's father gained primary custody of our daughter. It was horrible. He told lies and no one and by no one I mean Social Services, lawyers, or judges even took the time to look into the accusations. That was almost 3 years ago, I haven't tried to get custody of my daughter back because frankly, I feel that when she is ready to live with me she will tell me and then I will take action. She is only 8 years old and right now the court won't take her opinion into consideration, so I feel it is best to wait until she is ready and I know I have a good case to stand on. I make the best of the situation, even though it is hard and I my ex is getting married in September and now I face the situation of another woman helping raise my daughter. It hurts that she gets to spend more time with my daughter than I do and I'm her mother, but I know my daughter knows that I love her and I wish things were different for us.
Maybe this is something that you should talk to your dad about. Ask him why he did it? I don't know if what he had to say would make it any better for you, but if you want to know then you need to ask, only he can answer all your questions.
I personally don't think I would drop the issue until I knew why, but that is just me.
I hope things work out for you and you regain custody of your son. Please keep me posted on your progress. Take Care!
1 person likes this
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
5 Feb 09
You and I have a lot more in common than you think. I am in that kinda situation with my second child. Well, and every other battle I have gone through. Keep a journal of everything and DEMAND that there is "blood-proof" of everything. It worked for me. I don't feel what dad did made any sense at all. He had no reason other than I wasn't married to the father. I was married though and legally separated. I won't drop this one for a while. This one hurt too much. I will keep you posted on what's going on. Thanks for the thoughts!
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
That's very disappointing. You talk to your Dad and tell him how you feel and also listen to him. He might just be over confident that later you'll understand what they did being your parents. As a mom I know how it feels to be away from our children, but you listen to your dad too. Yes he did the wrong thing but just thank God good the child was at their custody and not to anyone else who's not a relative. Grandparents love their grandchildren that much, I know for myself, if the boy wants to live with them and it's quite okey for you then let him, however if you want him to be with you then ask your dad to give you back his custody anyway anytime the boy can stay with them say during weekends. You're Dad will understand your decision. He may have hurt you out of his love for your son. So everything will be alright just talk to him over the matter. I wish you luck and wish everyting will be settled between you and your dad.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
6 Feb 09
Personally I think if it was me, I would be heart broken as well, and not sure what is best to do either. So you are finding out this, and you have Custody of your son, and now find out without the proper papers your parents can legally File on him? This is SAD. I really think you have a reason to be upset, and personally if you can afford it this would for me be even more reason to want to file. Sounds like your parents want to continue to have that control over you never thinking it is time to let you grow up and prove yourself as well.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
7 Feb 09
My DAD not my ex-step-mom has custody of my son. I just raise him. I never got a good excuse on why this was done but you are right, they want to keep control of me. This is because my step- mom just confessed that she can't stand me and hasn't since she met me. She told her daughter that there is no reason for a pretty little b*tch to know she's pretty. I guess she broke down and confessed all of this to her daughter whom I am kinda alright with. This daughter said that my parents divorced because she thought my dad was talking to me too much. I said, well I have lived here because of them for 2 years. Unemployed because they thought it would be better for me. I am a wreck because of them. This is all so sad.
@oyenkai (4394)
• Philippines
9 Apr 09
Based on your reaction no your step mom, I'm guessing she's not a very good person. It could be very well that it was all her idea and that your father hid it from you because he was ashamed that he consented or quite possibly gave up on her nagging him about it.
It really does happen that men let the women handle things if the women are too stubborn about it.
I think first of all, I would determine if I trust the person telling me the story. If I do then that's one thing. If I don't then I think I should first give my doubts a chance - and I should clarify things with the person I'm most concerned with.
Thanks for the response on my discussion!
