if you have a friend who cheats on their spouse, what do you do?

for me a friend is someone who supports you whether what you are doing is right or wrong. he just lets you be but it does not mean that i consent my friend into doing the wrong things. like i mentioned, provide him suggestions and advises and it is up to that person whether to go on or not with it. you have to understand that a friend always needs a lending ear. if yu know everything what he is up to then it is easier to guide your friend throught the process, just don't be the instrument of his downfall.

the concern is really not telling the spouse... it's what you do with your friend. do you become his/ her moral compass? or do you just leave him/ her be? if he/ she brags about all the affairs he/ she has ever had, what do you do? thanks for sharing your thoughts!

that is sound. but have you ever been in a situation where the friendship is just poisoning your life? there are dealbreakers, so to speak. things that will make you change your mind about certain friendships. sometimes, our friends are just lost. but sometimes, they know exactly what they are doing and will have nothing of what we say. i was just wondering if a cheating friend is a dealbreaker for you. if it is not, how about a cheating friend who sleeps with, say, one of your relatives? if, just for example, she brags about it (like she always does), but she IS still a very good friend to you, do you want out? or will you still be her friend?

you're right, a good friend probably won't flaunt their affairs if they know you disapprove of it. if i have a friend who cheats, i'll be his friend still. but if he keeps bragging about it even after i've told him my piece, the story changes for me. it's no longer just about cheating; it's about him not respecting my beliefs after i've respected his by remaining friends with him. oh well. it's a difficult situation. you're lucky if your friend stops telling you about his affairs. hopefully you're not friends with his wife, though. hehe :0

haha yes, these situations tend to be lose-lose; you just can't win. i've seen people's friendships shatter this way. they all had good intentions but in the end, it just explodes for everyone. oh, something really different happened to me though: i saw my friend's fiance with another girl. as i am not friends with the guy and they were going to get married, i had to tell my friend. turns out i wasn't the only one who saw his indiscretions. the wedding never pushed through. i'm just lucky the guy isn't my friend or i would have been in a really sticky situation!

Usually when the wife becomes a good friend of mine, that's a totally different story. And they know it. They know I don't approve of it, but I won't be the one that will do the deed in telling on him. They know that. As well as knowing of my disapproving looks I will continue in giving. I believe that if you're not satisfied with that person, you should talk about it and solve that issue. Rather than making an a** of yourself and making things worse and becoming a total scumbag in the process.

good for you. it's always nice to have a friend who is not afraid to step on your toes, if it means making you see the truth. sometimes others are afraid to speak up. but why be afraid to tell your friend what's on your mind? if you're friends, you won't hesitate to share what you have to say, right? after all, he/ she shared what he had to say. hehe. and we all know the world needs more people who tell the truth. that's what makes friends unique: if your dress makes you look fat, they tell you, instead of having you run the risk of being made fun of.

I think some are just afraid to speak out for they are afraid that their friend have something to say towards them with the same intensity as what they are finding a friend who is at fault. So they better be mum about it or it will be turn against them. just my two cents but id you are really concern with the welfare of your friend you have to call his or her attention with what he or she is not doing right. I am known to my friends as someone who would really speak up and no hold barged. I have this friend who have been dating someone and i saw the guy dating another woman several times my after i told my friend of what I have discovered she stopped telling me about her and this guy for she knows I will be calling her attention again. For me once I have told someone about my thoughts but they shouldn't listen i won't say anything about the same subject anyways I have already said my piece and they depends on them if they shouldn't listen. did you encounted such person?

i think after a certain age, people are set in their ways. hehe. so of course, i've seen a lot of people who do things they know are taboo but they show not a bit of remorse. i also tend to speak my mind. but yes, if i see that explaining is futile, why waste any more saliva? i never tell the other person who was cheated on. but i WILL tell if that person was my brother or best friend (in other words, if it becomes my business). thanks for your sound opinions. :)

I will remain to be his friend, he needs me now more than ever. As a friend, I will continue reminding him about his misdeeds, the pros and cons of cheating on his spouse, the effects of his infidelity to his family if they found out that he is sleeping with a lot of women. I know that he will eventually listen. But when the time comes that he becomes irritated about my constant advices and reminders, then thats the time that I will have second thoughts about our friendship.

ah, the "hint" approach. i see. :D my concern is not the spouse... i am more curious about what you will do with your friend. if your friend just wants to conquer a lot of girls, and it's all just for the sake of sleeping with a lot of women, will you stay friends with him?

cheating is never pretty. but there are friends who care enough to voice out their opinions, people like you, people who may someday change the waywardness of other people. thanks for your honesty. hope that someday, if you do get a friend who cheats, you get to convince him/ her to stop... :D

Oh.... hey, your questions are getting harder and harder doc. could we try talking about my favorite ice cream instead? :-D anyway, I think I'll be downright frank with him that I'm not enjoying the conversation anymore especially if they entail cheating on someone. If there's one person who should not tolerate it, it would be me. If he goes on with what he's doing, at least I don't play a part in it anymore but of course when things go wrong (which eventually is most likely) and he needs a friend to talk to, I'd be there for him. *i used HIM to save slashes. LOL

what if your friend keeps bragging about all the affairs he or she has had? what if to him/ her, all those affairs are conquests, medals, trophies of success? what if your friend is not in just one affair, but many? what if your friend changes lovers as often as he/ she changes his/her underwear? would it be any different? thanks so much for sharing your views... :D

ah yes, i think i'm of the same thought. i will not tolerate any more bragging about cheating (it's not a topic to be proud of!), but a confession about an affair? i can take it. as long as it's not the bragging confession. hehe. and yes, even after i've scolded a cheating friend who boasts of his conquests, i will still talk to him if he finds himself having actual problems. but the boasting? nah. if he boasts one more time about cheating, i'll get a man to cheat on him with his wife! hehe, kidding. ;D

it was nothing like that, she wasn't poisoning me at all.i just didn't see any reason for me to socialize with someone who's got a different set of moral values.

ah, if she was poisoning you, then perhaps you are better off without her. cheating is cheating indeed. some people cheat in a marriage because they are no longer happy. but there are those people who do so because they can. you know, just for fun. i guess each situation is unique. thanks for sharing your experience!

it's true, some people who cheat really keep their end of the bargain when it comes to feeding their families. but if my husband cheated on me and justifies that he's still giving me money and loving me anyway, then i'll have to say that we have very different definitions of love. too bad these people make you feel bad. they should be the ones who feel bad, not you...

hahaha, real wise of you to keep your girl away from someone who tends to cheat (lol)! i try not to judge either, but then the situation becomes real sticky when both parties are my friends. i wouldn't know what to do. i know you're supposed to be good to your friend the cheater. but what about your friend the cheatee? oh, well. it's complicated all around. lol

i can see you are very loyal to your friends. as long as they don't go beyond the invisible fence, it's okay. but once you hear alarms ringing in your head, maybe it's time to think twice. thanks for sharing your views with us!

having a married friend who has an affair with one person is one thing. having a married friend who keeps sleeping with different people everyday is another. in the latter scenario, what would you do? do you think this will change your friendship? many thanks for sharing!

that is one way of dealing with the matter, yes. :) although i have to ask, why did you not want to tell the cheating party to stop? do you condone it perhaps? or maybe you weren't that close? because i see most replies to this post saying they will not tell the spouse, but they WILL give their advise to their friends... they say that after all, that's waht friends do. what do you say about their posts? feel free to post here, you are more than welcome. happy myLotting!

ah. yes. it becomes complicated when you are close to BOTH parties. it kinda changes things. it kinda becomes your business, because you have a duty to be good to your friends - to BOTH your friends. you're in a pickle. hehe. i can tell you i don't wanna cross the bridge till i get there - i don't know what i'll be doing if i were in your shoes. i had a friend who introduced his wife to me, and i became friends with his wife. a month after, he introduces his "girlfriend." and the girlfriend wants to befriend me, too! oh my. i didn't know what to do, and i still don't know what to do. it's like i lose one way or another... if the wife finds out i knew and didn't tell her, she'll get mad. if i snob the girlfriend, the guy will probably hate me. what a predicament.

hehehe. like you, i will have my misgivings...

hehe.. don't get mad, get even, so to speak? you are giving people ideas here! lol beware, cheaters... this person has you figured out and knows how to play your dirty game! hehe

what if your friend hasn't cheated just once, or twice, but a lot of times? what if your friendjust loves sleeping around with other people? if it'sno longer just ONE affair but a string of many affairs, will it change the picture? if your friend brags about the affairs, will that change how you see your friend? thanks for sharing!

If my friend is like your say,i won't contact with her forever.To staying with her,i don't know which sentence i should believe.Maybe she will also cheat me.To be truthful,i even be aversion that kind of people.your response remind me of one of my friend.she borrowed money from me.i thought she only borrowed money from me until another friend called me and told me she borrowed money from many people.I asked her why did she borrow so much money when she borrowed the money again.She only say nothing.she didn't tell us the reason.But from other friends,i know she has money to buy the expensive goods which are not necessary. Now i rarely contacted her.But if i have chance,i hope i can ask her face to face.

ah, yes, there are friends who simply abuse their relationships. it really changes the picture when a friend makes a mistake once, and feels bad about it, compared to when a friend does something bad over and over and feels absolutely no remorse. sorry to hear about your friend. there will always be people who will want to abuse your kindness. even friends.

i believe that's a milder version of the situation i posted here. i believe your friend wasn't cheating just for the sake of cheating. neither was she cheating on her previous husband with a lot of other guys. sorry the first marriage didn't work, but i'm glad the second did. by the way, what if your friend wasn't just cheating with one guy? what if she had no romantic inclinations, what if she just wanted to sleep with a lot of guys for the sake of conquest? would that change anything?

i understand... you're right, the situation is simple when the party being cheated on is nobody important. but when your friend also cheats on ANOTHER friend, then the story changes. you have to be loyal to your friends... BOTH your friends. so who do you remain loyal to? do you remain loyal to your friend the cheater, or do you remain loyal to your friend the cheatee & reveal the secret? perhaps being kept out of the loop is an option. but there is always that possibility that the cheatee will get mad at you for not warning him/ her that the spouse is cheating on him/ her. oh well. nasty business, any way it goes...

yeah but you cant mind your own business all the time again what if they dont care about their spouse and keep just cheeting and bragging