some one hates me

@savypat (20216)
United States
February 5, 2009 1:48pm CST
Does this bother you, when you know someone hates you? I didn't do anything to him but my Daughter's old boy friend says I caused all the trouble. It makes me wonder just what she told him. I was always fond of him and thought he was one of the best she'd brought home. I can't even talk to him about it, because she told me this in confidence. This is one of the big reasons I hate secrets. What would you do?
3 people like this
19 responses
@PatMcCue (48)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Well if you never did anything wrong to him or anything, I can't imagine him being too logical then. If people hate me for illogical reasons, I tend to just ignore it because I would never understand it. But even still, I would just give something like this time. I used to hate people that I'm best friends with now, so you never know.
2 people like this
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
14 Feb 09
Maybe if "he's a little bit scary" that could be the reason why your daughter used you as an excuse for some things instead of taking responsibilty for her own words. And if he's "a little bit scary" then why would you care what he thinks. Just let it go. Let them both move on with their lives. The less contact you have with him, the better. If they don't move on with their lives, I still don't think that you "clearing things up" will help matters for anyone. It will just give them one more problem to argue about.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Yes I know he's not to stable, so i excuse his feelings, but I still don't like it and he's a little bit scary.
1 person likes this
@ds6413 (2070)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Hi, yeah I would be wondering what your daught had told her then boyfriend too. If he has no reason to hate you I would suspect someone told untrue things about you. If you were to run into him see how he acts towards you.If he acts friendly speak to him but don't bring up what your daughter told you, how he feels about you. I would just let time pass,try not to let it bother you. If someone hates me, that's their problem, not mine.
2 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
5 Feb 09
How right you are I forgot, it's his problem not mine. Thanks
1 person likes this
@hdjohnson (2981)
• United States
6 Feb 09
I have attend several training session throughout my career as a manager. One of the things that I've learned along the way, is that someone, somewhere is talking about you, and you don't know if they are saying good things, or bad. So why become upset if you found out that someone was talking about you in a more personal way? I don't know what to do, is not a solid response. Turning the other cheek or direction is a more solid reason to keep the sanity in your life and the strife out. There is so much hatred in the world already today, and I don't see a reason to add to it. Not one little bit. There is a very good chance that you could be taking it the wrong way, and possibly jumping to conclusions. It is best that you, tell your daughter not to reveal any more secrets to you and allow them to sort out the differences they have with one another. Let them both know you don't support strife and he say/she say type of stuff. Let them both know they are grown adults and should work out their differences peacefully and leave you out of it. You don't want them to think that you are their personal referee, so that's how I would handle it.
@SuzyLong (775)
5 Feb 09
I'd still ask him, if he hates you for reasons that you don't know, just ask him. She might not be telling you the truth and she's blamed something on you so she's trying to keep you from talking to him.
2 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I'd do that but my Daughter means a lot more to me then he does. I must if I can save that relationship. If she was just a friend I'd do what you suggest and figure if she lied about me I need to know. Thanks
1 person likes this
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
6 Feb 09
I'd ask him just what he thought I'd done. She may have used some excuse about you not liking him to be able to get rid of him. Just ask him what trouble you supposedly caused. What she told you in confidence has to remain that way. Does that mean you aren't allowed to talk to him at all? If you're not supposed to know why he dislikes you, then pretend you don't. Just ask him the next time you see him how he's been. What he's been up to. My daughter broke up with a very nice boy. I liked him, but she didn't. So I had to just be nice to him when I saw him and not worry about the rest.
2 people like this
• China
6 Feb 09
At first you should make sure your daughter would like her boyfriend get along well with you,talk with her ,ask her whether there are some mistake between you and him. Otherwise ,talk to him,tell him it bothered you,and it isn't you want. Good luck to you!
2 people like this
@breepeace (3014)
• Canada
5 Feb 09
Did she give you any reasons or events that made him draw his conclusion? I know my boyfriend hates my mom, but that's because she really did cause all the trouble in our relationship. She liked him, but she didn't like that I was suddenly spending time away from home to be with him, and she constantly complained if he came over (because she felt he was leaving too late, using too much water, keeping me away from spending time with them, eating all her food -- when he'd only come over for dinner 3 times in 3 months when she'd invited him). Finally, all my mom and I would do was fight which meant I was stressed out all the time, he felt unwelcome every time he came to pick me up or spend time with me, and finally I just broke and needed to leave before things started getting physical (which they often do with her) and ended up needing to move in with him, which put a lot more stress on our relationship. To answer your question though, yes, it really bothers me when someone hates me. Especially if there doesn't seem to be a good reason for it.
1 person likes this
@smileonstar (4007)
• United States
6 Feb 09
You should talk to him while your daughter not around. Find out what is going on between you and him and your daughter. See what he responds to you. And you have to pick some points that mention that you are not a trouble maker, all you do are the best for everyone in the family, that's mom job.
2 people like this
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
5 Feb 09
First of all, she shouldn't have told you that! What did she think would happen when she did? It was only going to make you feel bad! What's up with that? Secondly, I don't think there is anything you can really do about it. It really bothers me when people don't like me either. I try hard to be friendly but I guess you have to know that some people are just not going to like you no matter what you do. It stinks!
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thanks, I know she is a manipulator of people and I accept that about her. But this one really bothered me.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
5 Feb 09
That was more than manipulating. That was mean! I'm sorry that happened to you!
1 person likes this
• India
6 Feb 09
well i dont care much regarding such issues as i keep with my work i am not bothered who loves me or hates me. once i used to worry a lot regarding such thinks but now i am well not at all bothered
2 people like this
• India
6 Feb 09
ya definetly it does not bother me who is he to bother me does it affect me in any way those people who hate or bother me they are the one those who are going to get rigid of a good friend happy mylotting
2 people like this
• India
6 Feb 09
ya nothing bothers me as such a oerson i am and will have my hands open to all even if the dont bother me i love then all happy mylotting
2 people like this
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
5 Feb 09
It would bother me if someone hated me. Especially when I know I did the best that I can and I know I didn't do any of the wrong. Maybe your daughter's just saying that? I would still try to talk to him, if it really bothered me. Good luck!
2 people like this
• Singapore
6 Feb 09
well.. just ignore it.. No one is possibly able to let the whole world love or like him.. its part and parcel of life, someone out there hates me as well, and could well possibly be wearing a smile when he/she face me.. (Hypocrite exists in this world). dont be so affected by this.. just ignore it.. :)
2 people like this
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
whenever we got hit on the head , it only means that it is a wake up call for us. all the while we thought that we are ok with what we are doing and if suddenly we got bothered by something then it is time to take inventory of ourselves and curb that shortcoming. yes, i would also be bothered by it, for a while until i can reflect on it and move on. we can't please everyone so accept that fact.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
14 Feb 09
ah, the old problem with mothers, daughters and the daughters boyfriend. This topic has been an ongoing theme in my life lately. Well, maybe that's an exageration, but my sister is having issues with her daughter and her daughters ex boyfriend. I don't have issues with my daughters boyfriends or ex boyfriends that I know of. I pretty much try to stay out of her relationships as much as possible. I know that in the begining, chances are that these relationships won't be very long term. I try to be friendly with the boyfriends but I don't try to get too close to them. And I try to let her have her space with her relationships. She talks to me about them sometimes, but not too much and I will offer my opinion, but I won't push it. And if she doesn't want to talk about something, I don't push. My sister has a different approach, she is a very "hands on" type of parent. Personally I don't agree with that too much, because if you become emotionally attached to your childrens boyfriend or girlfriends, it just makes everything more difficult if it doesn't work out. To answer your question "What would I do?" - I'd let it go. He is her "old" boyfriend anyway right? Hopefully they will heal from whatever wounds they have and they will move on. If for some reason they get back together, you should leave it up to your daughter to try to straighten out the misunderstanding with him. You might disagree, but, I feel that if you don't get too involved then there is less of a NEED for "secrets".
@celticeagle (168256)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Feb 09
She may have used you for an excuse of some kind. You never know. Hatred is an ugly emotional. You can't really tell what the truth of the situation is. I wouldn't worry about it. Hopefully the hatred will pass.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
6 Feb 09
Hi pat~ I wouldn't even give it another thought! First of all you said it was your daughter's old boyfriend. Well obviously she is no longer with him so there must have been a good reason why they are no longer together. If she was bothered by something that you did I think that she would have certainly told you! So why should you care about someone who is no longer around you? What difference does it make? Just forget that she told you. I know how you feel. I don't like to hear that someone doesn't like me either. But, there isn't anything that can be done about it anyway so forget it!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
14 Feb 09
Thanks for the best response! I hope that this situation is better for you!