should he wait till after we are married
By rocko5150
@rocko5150 (62)
United States
February 10, 2009 2:56am CST
I have a daughter that is about8 months old and my boyfriend is not the father, but he wants to adopt her as his own and he wants to do it before we get married. I am wondering why this is cause we are not married and i think that it makes more sense if we did that after we were married. .so i need advice and let me know is it a good idea to wait til we are married.
2 people like this
3 responses
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
10 Feb 09
Personally I feel that it is best to wait until AFTER you are married to go through a process such as this. I don't wish to be negative here, but if you go through the adoption process with him and then NOT get married, you've got ties to someone that could end up messy.
@rocko5150 (62)
• United States
10 Feb 09
exactly that is what i don't want and he seems to not get that for his own reasons i don't want to get played
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
10 Feb 09
Thanks for the BR! 
To be honest, if I had my partner give that type of reasoning to my face then I too would probably get my defenses up! Maybe there is a different angle you can take with him that's far more positive? For example, tell him that you'd like to focus all your energies on the wedding etc for now and the gift to yourselves after the wedding can be to go through the adoption to mark new beginnings as a family etc..... I am not sure of what approach you should take exactly, but I hope you get what I mean.
To be honest, if I had my partner give that type of reasoning to my face then I too would probably get my defenses up! Maybe there is a different angle you can take with him that's far more positive? For example, tell him that you'd like to focus all your energies on the wedding etc for now and the gift to yourselves after the wedding can be to go through the adoption to mark new beginnings as a family etc..... I am not sure of what approach you should take exactly, but I hope you get what I mean. 
@bubuth (1815)
• Philippines
14 Sep 12
I think it is much better if you will wait after you get married because it will look much better and i think you will feel much better if he will do the adoption process after you get married so there is no more other issue why he adopt your baby even you are still not married. I think right now he can still treat your baby as his baby but he can legally adopt your baby after the wedding.
@srganesh (6339)
• India
10 Feb 09
Yes!James is right.When you get married,then there is no question of adapting and he can be a father at ease.There is no need for him to act smart now.So,please wait until you get married.
