I can't believe some people are offended when we admire them!!
By Bebs08
@Bebs08 (10681)
United States
February 10, 2009 7:56pm CST
I am confused if it just a matter of attitude or what? there was one time I admired the hair of one of the kids in our church. It was so nicely fixed that it looks like a wig. So, I said, " wow!! I like your hair it is so nice, is this real?" then she said, yea, it is!! then I said, wow!!! I like it. I did not know that the kids tell her mom that I was criticizing her hair that looks like a wig? what? my goodness!! I did not know it until one time the mother come to me and said that her daughter was offended when I admired her hair. I said, what? did I say something wrong? she said, yea, you said, her hair is a wig. She then said that it is non of my business if the hair is natural or wig. I said, sorry if It is wrong to admire.. it is not like that in my country. hahahaha... I have nothing against the color of people I am particular with the attitude. This woman is black and I don't know if this is in their culture that they get offended when we admire their hair.
what do you think about it? It really bothers me when I recalled what I said to the kid. I think I did not say anything bad? did you encounter some people who have this attitude? is it a matter of culture or just an attitude?
3 people like this
18 responses
@aisaellis22 (6445)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Hello Bebs08! I haven't encountered anything like that here. Here in the Philippines, people are very appreciative and they appreciate the simple things we do or say to them. I don't think there's something wrong with what you said too. It's just that maybe our culture is totally different here than there. People doesn't care about other people and live themselves in order to survive not depending to other people.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
14 Apr 09
that's right!!! most people here are " no pakialam" mind your own business.. they don't even know about their neighbors whereabouts. People don't bother to ask the whereabouts of others which is good sometimes... hahahaha...because in some ways, it helps to hide our identity.
@aisaellis22 (6445)
• United States
17 Apr 09
hahaha..you're right..I even think that "mind your own business is better than gossiping other people's life"
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
My goodness, how could that girl is a liar. Imagine she only told her mother the part when you said it looked like a wig and did not tell that you actually appreciated the hair. And the mother is irresponsible. Imagine she is in the church and yet she does not know how to behave. She should rather approached you in a nice manner and asked first what happened before she reacted that way. I don't think just because she is black her mind should also be black. You are in the same church as hers and she must behave like sisters in Christ should. But nevertheless at least you learned something, be careful in dealing with them. There is nothing wrong with admiring people. What is wrong is when you admire wrong people.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
11 Feb 09
hahaha!! you are correct my friend. We must be careful to admire wrong people. I observed she has selected friends in church. I don't know why she is that sensitive? she seldom smiles.. well, I am new to this church because I am just here for 2 years but I have lots of friends than she does I think? Lol..I'm not bragging but it is true. I am assisting in the children's division and I am involve very much in church activities since my husband is also active. I could see her there in the audience when I lead the song service. I want to be friend with her because we are also together in assisting the youth group but I don't know why her smile is very expensive.. hahahaha... is it because I am Asian? and she is American? yea, black american.. eheheh Maybe she doesn't know me very well and she has no interest to know me? I DON'T CARE.. as long as I still be a good Christian to anybody including her.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
Ohhhh, sound's like professing Christian but not really! Well, just pray for her my dear. For as long as your intentions are right, God is on your side! Let God deal with her.
@sophie_dfuss (2365)
• Philippines
31 Mar 09
Its ok to give compliments of admiration but there are some ho compliments with sarcasm. So we better watch out, we should think before we say things.
I used to have a great hair. One time, I got a new hair cut and this guy I know (whom I had a crush too) approached me and said, "Ang ganda ng buhok mo parang wig"
In a hotel conference, I have a friend who told me "Ang ganda-ganda mo naman ngayon." 
Honestly, I feel disgust with that as it means to me that I am ugly so I asked him if I am ugly and he said no. I explained to him what was the meaning of his compliment and he apologized to me.
Honestly, I feel disgust with that as it means to me that I am ugly so I asked him if I am ugly and he said no. I explained to him what was the meaning of his compliment and he apologized to me. 1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
14 Apr 09
oh!!! that's why i am careful now whom I am going to admire. I would not say anything to people I am not so familiar with, people whom I don't know their attitude. Some people who are very sensitive are the ones who react in a negative way. Thanks for sharing.
@kissie34 (2294)
• Philippines
12 Feb 09
Well, i think the kids didn't like your statement when you asked her if her hair is real.. In some sense, your question is some how offensive since you admired the kids her hair but still you commenting something.. I know that you don't mean to offend the her and her mother but in the child thought it is something offensive especially if when you asked if her hair is real.. Maybe next time, when you admire something just say those words that can't offend other people especially if those people are very sensitive and not open minded.. 
@hibiscus_mel (719)
• United States
12 Feb 09
I have tried the experience of being offended when praised. I think there are times when you don't want to be praised because who in the world would not love praises. The way I look at it, she misinterpreted the word wig when you praised her. It is very hard with this kind of people even by looking at them some of them get offended. At least now you know.'-)
1 person likes this
@mamabeezy (172)
• United States
12 Feb 09
Black girls/women do often have weaves (fake hair)
but I wouldn't flat out ask if her hair was real.
I think that's a firestarter.
1 person likes this
@indian_investor (365)
• India
11 Feb 09
if you are not honest in admiring he may think that you are making fun of him/her and feel insulted.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Its their tude, just ignore them.
1 person likes this
@celestial052506 (2914)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
people who have torubled lives don't know how to deal with others.. they are narrow minded and prejudice. Just forget about it... Don't mind them, just be a good Christian..
@deborahkat (519)
• Brazil
11 Feb 09
I don´t know what is your country and from this woman. But maybe her problem is prejudice. In some places black people are treated with prejudice and they get so used that they think everything people say are against them, even a compliment. It must have been that. She maybe thought that you were trying to say that her child could not have a beautiful natural hair. That it had to be a wig to be beautiful.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Well, I got your point. That might be the reason why some of the black people are very sensitive. I agree with you that there are whites who don't like other colors.. I mean racist,, and as what I know the black were slaves of the whites before? but I am not white? why she is like that to me? ehehehe... anyway, I like your idea on this.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 Feb 09
I am not a citizen of the USA but I would believe it is a matter of culture really. I hope that you told the mother what you said? I hope that you explained yourself clearly to her? I do not think that you did anything wrong here. Let it go and don't bother about it. Blessings
1 person likes this
@ronnyb (6113)
• Jamaica
12 Feb 09
I know you didnt mean anything by it but in my country being told you wear a wig can be interpretted as something bad.This is because wigs are made of horse hair or other persons hair and that is looke down on.So all in all I dont think people are angry when you admire them ,its just that I dont think in this case the child thought you were admiring her .I suppose you could go and explain the misunderstanding
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Well, maybe you are right!! I can understand that specially if people are insecure, they can not let the word pass but take it as an offense. I was offended also many times but I just put it in mind that people have different perception in life and that I will just forget about it and what I feel.
@kenchiprincess (5296)
• Philippines
11 Feb 09
Sorry to hear that friend, there are just people who finds it an insult when you mentioned something that they may not like about themselves. It is a matter on how we perceive things being said. Maybe the girl doesn't like her hair then here you are mentioning about it that it looks nice and all that. Even how we say some nice thing to other but that specific thing is something that they are insecure of the intent is overshadowed by the insecurity. Just too bad it was you. Just tell the girl that you are sorry and you don't intend to sound insulting to her since you find it really nice.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
11 Feb 09
hi friend, I did it immediately when the mom told me about it. Anyway, she understand when I explained it to her and also the kid. I ask sorry and I told them that if next time they will find my word offensive to them they will tell me right away not waiting for a week or many days before telling me because I don't want to walk around while some people are mad at me. Lol.. We are ok now, but I just recalled that incident!! what? hahahah I said to myself, these type of people I will not hang around with, because they are very sensitive, I might said another thing next time and they will again be offended. I don't like it. I really don't like this type of attitude. They always think that they are somebody and no one would say anything that they don't like... hahaha...
@silverjam (969)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Personally i thought it's more of an attitude than in a culture. That attitude of the mother displays a very narrow understanding and some kind of paranoid. Well this is just my own opinion but I would be likewise be offended w/ that confrontation and I would also tell the mother how I feel about it.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
11 Feb 09
well, when she confronted me about that matter I was embarrassed.. because she said it is none of my business if the hair is natural or what.. I said, sorry if you are offended i did not mean to offend anybody. I just appreciate the way it looks but she is weird hahaha... well, as I understand, she has a bad attitude.. she has selected friends and she has maybe into a lot of things.. in her life. She is divorced with 2 kids.. so, in that situation, I think, it is a matter of attitude. Yes you are right!! she is narrow minded. She doesn't know how to stretch her thinking.. she is more in the negative than in a positive side.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
11 Feb 09
Hi bebs! I don't really know why they would have been so
upset and offended unless it was a wig and they were upset
because you guessed that it was a wig! I wouldn't worry about
it! Just forget it! I don't now if it is a culture thing or
not. It might be or it might be the fact that you brought
up something that they didn't want anyone knowing!
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10681)
• United States
11 Feb 09
hahaa.. as i understand it, she is very narrow minded. Or she is listening to the negative thinking of her daughter.I don't know how she thinks of herself? she has a bad attitude in some ways or maybe insecure.. She wants to cover up her insecurity by being perfect.. hahaha
