Between career and love, which comes first?
By Zhu Huifen
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
China
February 12, 2009 4:37am CST
She is a product designer, and was invited to join a foreign company when participating in an overseas fair. She accepted it, leaving the man then preparing marriage behind at home country. Two years later, she returned to finalize their relationship, as he, a dentist, refused to follow her, for fear he might be nothing but a dish washer over there.
I felt puzzled how she could have done that, but come to think maybe they were right. Between career and love, both chose career, and both found second love pretty well in due time.
Do you think she did anything wrong?
2 people like this
14 responses
@codiecoco (65)
• United States
12 Feb 09
Why would it be here who did something wrong? He chose his career over her as well...so it was sort of a mutual decision just not made at the same time. To me I dont think you should have to choose. My boyfriend works on the road and I do not get to see him all the time but I am okay with that because our love is strong and I trust him. We have a child together and our relationship and career is fine. We feel that any good chances in life we can take each other a long for the ride and be there for one another. We are each others true loves and nothing can come between that :)
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
13 Feb 09
Thanks for your response, and your sharing the true love in your family.
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
13 Feb 09
Thanks for reponding. Nobody is to blame, we are nowadays more tolerate than before.
@gayathrigs (871)
• India
13 Feb 09
In my opinion career is more important than love because when you get a good career automatically your mind also changes and you will see a 'new' you. Our way of thinking and way of living definitely changes. We will know what we really want. For me career is more important , there is lots of time for love and certainly with a good career i will be loved by a nice person is what i feel.
1 person likes this
@srganesh (6340)
• India
12 Feb 09
Being a dentist,he would have established himself in his place and he might have the doubts on how to shift his profession successfully to a new place.If the girl is settling in the same city,then they could have agreed upon to have servant maids.I wonder why they gave up their love instead.I feel for them both.
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
13 Feb 09
Dentist qualification is doubted in some other countries, so the choice might be simple laborer as in many of the cases, not a home maker for the family. And in our culturer, few man accept to stay home, supported by his wife, though home maker is contributing a lot for the family.
@ulalume (713)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I think if people who claim to be in love even have to ask this question, are most certainly not in love. It is not like she went away for a month or something, but two years. It is not like the guy was in the right either, he could have very well followed her; but he stayed behind for the same reason she left: career (which I assume implies money?).
1 person likes this
@janyen (623)
• Netherlands
12 Feb 09
for me, which comes first! but in my case i truly left and surrender what work i have in the philippines when i married my husband. my decision was final when i moved and joined him here in netherlands. now, career is next to love or to my family. family really matters to me a lot! the opportunity knocks once and i grabbed it. i am very happy and never regreted anything!
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Feb 09
It is often difficult for married professionals to decide on the choice of heart over career. One must give in but if both are at loggerheads and would not compromise then the marriage is sure a disaster. In this case the woman, should have surrendered as she is the 'production house' and her duty after marriage is to cement the love by raising children and should not surpass the responsibility of her husband. She should take the blame for this marriage breakdown. But since both have found their mates then everything is settled in peace.
@zhuhuifen46 (3483)
• China
12 Feb 09
Appreciate very much your response, which is meaningful in your culture. But in our country, women and men share equal responsibility in supporting the family, and women have extra task to bread the children, with some help from the husband.
1 person likes this
@DEVONECO (144)
• United States
12 Feb 09
Hi. Forgive me for being candid about this - but your question is something like "what do you like better - eating or drinking ?". And the answer is both because if you don't eat you will die and if you don't drink you will die. And if you over-eat and over-drink also you will die!!!!! As for your particular question, Love is an internal factor while career (or job) is more an external factor. Just because you are in love and you have a career, you don't need to sacrifice one because of the other. For your survival in a competitive and material world, you must have both. You can also compromise. I understand that in some circumstances the situiation maybe different. But you must think before embarking in Love or Career if one of them is gong to intefere with the other and then decide whether or not you should either compromise or sacrifice.
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
13 Feb 09
Well some person choose love over career. She went there and try it out and saw that she will not be comfortable so she came back home. It is good that her husband to be was one of understanding. Sometimes it is good to test the waters and see other countries culture. Maybe when she look back at the expense she realize that in actual terms she would be making more at home and being closer to the one she loves. You never know what different opportunities comes one way but the expensives are there as well.
@tudors (1556)
• China
20 Feb 09
Career goes first. Without economic independence and a good career, one may be a burden to its partner, for the time being, love matters, but in real marriage life, material matters more! and LOVE can be lost due to dual reasons even though we do try hard, but love itself is risky and doesn't promise a good ending. If put career first.
@galileo2008 (1170)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
Career first before love. Having a career is really something you can be proud of.. love just come and go. I have a friend, she chose love over her career because she thought that she will be very happy with him..alas, I found out that they're not living in a comfortable life, and they're not happy about it. They have 4 kids and her husband has no work. She regret the day that she chose love over her career... lesson learned.
@blazextreme (67)
• Canada
13 Feb 09
I think love comes first and you really need to know your partner really well... and if you really need to do something with your career your partner will understand and will allow you to go where ever you need to... and you can discuss about it and if you guys dont agree then you should just forget about the career.
@Komalkamboj (60)
• India
13 Feb 09
i think it depends on which stage you are in your career and love. if you have just fresh out of college , you better concentrate on your career and establish your self . If you met this guy just for two dates , then there is no point in even considering it . But in this case she seems to be doing pretty well establish in her career and it seems like there were about to get married . she should have said no to this new venture . Working women need to draw line at some time , you need to have your priorities right . For me its Family first and then my job .
@ROYALG333 (126)
• United States
13 Feb 09
The stigma is to establish career first and then find love. You know the whole "plenty of fish in the sea" theory. But I think if you find someone that you truely love, then love comes first. If they truely love you, the journey of establishing your career as a couple can be a very rewarding feeling.
