Losing your best friend to cancer

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I have recently lost my very best friend to ovarian cancer. She had only lived one year from diagnosis to her end. This is taking me right to my core of thinking and of missing someone so much that I cannot even think beyond anything else. I find myself wondering about every single day that she must have had it in her and ignoring the symptoms that were obviously there. She was a loving, caring person who spent her last 10+ years being a pastor of a church and doing anything and everything for whoever needed help. She shared her heart and was generous to being beyond herself. She was the most selfless person I have EVER met and even though I want to emulate her being and try to be better, I can only try and may never meet her limits. I am so scattered with what I feel each day since she has died. She and I were far closer than what I may express here and knowing this has given me what warm feelings I can still manage but feel that this would be my once in a lifetime love and meeting of a person such as her. We shared everything with one another and now, as I sit in her home and feeling her with me even as I write this, I know that my time here is now limited to the sale of this house by her children. She provided a roof over my head when she was here and now, after her death, has made sure to take care of me. Again, the most selfless person I have EVER known! If this post is a rambling mess, then you will understand how my mind and feelings are over losing her. I am awake and trying to make my way through another day (she died 9 days ago) that will keep me full of her memory and missing her so much that I cannot explain it. Thanks for reading this and sorry for my ramblings...Just needed a place to write...