He's In Counseling- and He Wants Me Back
@miraclefreebies (3043)
United States
February 18, 2009 2:59pm CST
Some of you already know the story about me and my husband. The story about his dad taking complete control over his life, and his dad taking it upon himself to change the locks on the door so I couldn't get back in the apartment.
That happened 3 weeks ago and we been separated since then, but now my husband wants me back, and his daughter.
He's now going to counseling and he says he's sorry for everything he's done and for letting his dad stick his nose in our business.
His dad sold his mobile home and moved away to Georgia a week ago, he said he's glad his dad is far away because he always tries to ruin his life and his family, and he realizes that now.
I know we've been through a heck of a lot together the past 2 years, good and bad, but from my prospective, the good out ways the bad tremendously.
Yes this marriage has been pretty bumpy at the tale part, but he has proven in real time that he really cares for me and my daughter.
I'm the type of person that will do whatever it takes to make my marriage work if the other person truly wants the same thing and actually puts in the effort to make it work.
I think I can use a little bit of counseling myself these days. We're talking about going to marriage counseling if we get back together.
Just looking for support from my lovely mylot friends.
I'm just going to keep praying that everything works out OK.
I'm just going to keep praying that everything works out OK.23 people like this
76 responses
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I'll be praying that everything works out for you and your husband. I'll also pray that your husband is sincere about being sorry, and that he continues to go for counseling, it would probably be a good idea for both of you to go. It sounds like your husband's problem moved out of town, hopefully he will stay out of your business, and leave you all alone.
2 people like this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I'm hoping that his real problem has moved away. I'm going to make sure he's sincere about all of this before I get back with him. Thanks walijo.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15746)
• Philippines
19 Feb 09
Think about thoroughly. What you've been through is tough and a twist on the events is something that needs a lot of thinking.
Follow both your heart and your mind. God bless and hope God will enlighten your family.
2 people like this
@tamarafireheart (15384)
•
19 Feb 09
Hi miraclefreebie,
Please don't jump right back in, remember he locked you out just three weeks ago, he can't have changed that much, he only wants you to come back because he has no one now as his dad has gone, be very carful as this could be a trap to get your daughter, if he is saying he is going to get councelling let him see what happens but please don't do anything just yet, let him stew for a while.
Tamara
1 person likes this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Hey, tamara, I have to agree with you. Miracle, you know I'd do anything in the world for you. I want you to be happy so very badly!
BUT, part of me feels like this may be an attempt to get custody of your daughter. Please don't get upset at me for saying that, it's just an enormous feeling I'm having. After all, he did an incredibly DESPICABLE thing to both you and your daughter! How old is this man? 38? No, there's no way he's changed his ways so fast. If he was so influenced by his father all this time, one or two therapy sessions isn't enough to change him!
I want so much for this to work out for you! I'd love nothing better than to see the three of you being that wonderful, loving family you're hoping for. My own history might have biased me so I'm not going to try to tell you what to do; all I can do is suggest and let you know of my own experiences.
People simply do not change that fast. You said the marriage wasn't a marriage for the past year. That's a long time for someone to treat you like aren't worth the time, then want to change almost literally overnight.
If he's honest in wanting this marriage to work and to be together as a LOVING family, time will show that. Lies are easy. Experienced liars lie very convincingly, too. Believe me, I know! I've been fooled before.
PLEASE think about going to counseling together and separately before you move back in. Just think about it, okay?
Whatever you decide, I will be here for you. I hope we'll be celebrating your 50th anniversary here in myLot but, if it doesn't happen, I'll be here as a shoulder for you to cry on, lean on and grow on, okay?
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Hi Mentalward. I can never get mad at you for anything. I understand what you're saying. I know it's not a quick fix and there's no way he can do a complete 180 turn in this short period of time, and I'm aware that people don't change overnight by some miracle counseling session.
I know I'm looking like the biggest fool on the face of the earth to even consider taking him back, and yes, just maybe I am the BIGGEST idiot walking around, but I am thinking about it, and in the end I'm going to make the right decision with God's help. When I put complete trust and faith in God and truly believe that he will lead me down the right path, I won't go wrong.
I'm not jumping back into this face first without a parachute. I'm aware that I could get burned again, and I trust that whatever happens will be the best, whether we're together or not.
@mobhomeir (7558)
• Philippines
19 Feb 09
Oh it seems " the dog is eating back his vomited food" after all what he had done to you. Well you know more your hubby than I do. It's gonna be your discretion. If you think you both are REALLY going to save your marriage, then why not give yourself a second chance. Try to find out if the saying "LOVE is lovelier the second time around" really true.
You're right you both must have to take up marriage counseling. In our country, a couple who want to settled down for good, must take first marriage seminar or counseling before they would finally solemnize by their faith or by a civil wedding. I just don't know in your country.
Again, I would say..good luck again friend. Wish you all the best on your going together again....You must be happy now.. 
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Thanks mobhomeir. Kinda interesting how you put that, "the dog is eating back his vomited food"
@dorothyDauphinee (534)
• United States
18 Feb 09
if you do go back to him and im all for keeping families together but insist on the counseling if you dont you may be sorry later!
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
counseling will be the first thing we do. Very important.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Don't sell yourself short. I'm not saying not to give the marriage a second chance, but if you let him back now, nothing has changed. At this point he is the same person who locked you our 3 weeks ago. He has shown that he lets people manipulate him, if it's not his dad...who will it be next? If you want recommendations...I'd give it time before you jump back in. Let him continue his couseling, you work on your GED. By all means, see each other and do family things together. You can get marriage counseling too, if you want. He has a real problem with being abusive, and three weeks does not cure that. Do you want your daughter subjected to that? Give it time...six months to a year...and then see if YOU want to get back together.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I'm not gonna move back in too quick. First I want to see if he's 100% sincere about everything he's saying, and I will continue with my plans for getting my GED and job training.
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Excellent! I had a similar experience with my sons father, only it lasted off and on for 15 years. I can't tell you how many times he was 'sorry' and started counseling. Only to decide that he didn't need it after I let him move back in. I've never been happier since I made a permanent break. I hope that your husband is different, and that counseling leads to you guys being reunited and becoming a stong and loving family. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and you have a good head on your shoulders. Hugs.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (38166)
• Philippines
19 Feb 09
Oh I am happy that he realizes his mistakes and wants you back. But what I would think now is he should proved it back to you that he truly deserves to be loved again after what he and his father did to you and your daughter. Good luck in your reconciliation and hopefully there would be no more incidence like this to happen in the future.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
You're right rsa. He will certainly have to prove his love for his family before we can go any further. He won't get a slap on the hand.
1 person likes this
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
19 Feb 09
hello my friend,its nice to know about your husband changes..and its good also that his father go another place..maybe you should also ask him what if hes father comes back? anyway..im happy for you..have a nice day
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Hey marketing07. I'm concerned about all that and I will ask him that and a lot of other things. Thanks.
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Thanks dawnald. That's what I'll do.
1 person likes this
@teka44 (3420)
• Brazil
18 Feb 09
Hi miracle. If it is what you want so I wish you the best luck my dear. In our life we must do what we believe is the best for ourselves and our children. I have readed your posts about your marriage and your husband and his dad. The opinion of someone is not the matter here. It is about what you want and think is better. I wish you all the best my dear.
Good luck.
1 person likes this
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
18 Feb 09
You have to tread lightly in situations like yours. I know you would like for it to work, and it may, but you have to take into consideration that he did not fight for his family. He let someone else take charge and make decisions for him. That was a terrible thing he did, by putting you and the baby out. Think long and hard about this.
I believe in marriage and family, but personally for me, when the person that is supposed to love me betrays me, it is hard for me to get back what we had.
Your case may be different, just take it slow.
I wish you the best.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
I know what u mean sudalunts, it is hard to get past something like that, that's why I'm taking my time to think it over.
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
18 Feb 09
i think it's great he let go of daddy, and getting help for himself, and i think it's wonderful you guys are going to work on this together and out. love comes with alot of bumps and hills.
best of luck to you guys, and happiness come to you
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Oh yes it does comes with alot of bumps and hills. All I can say is "welcome to the marriage life miracle!"
Thanks syankee.
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I'm being as careful and cautious as possible for my baby's sake. Thanks Pat.
@hmkoct5 (2065)
• United States
18 Feb 09
I think if you choose to get back together, that you should definitely get marriage counseling. He can't do this to you every time his Dad comes to town. But, it is worth trying if you feel it is. Especially, since you have a daughter. I really hope and pray it will all work out for you.
1 person likes this
@miraclefreebies (3043)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Thank you hmkoct for your support. I hope it works out too.
@dexterous21 (1180)
• Philippines
20 Feb 09
Well, I am sorry to hear to first part but I am happy to hear that your husband eventually realize his mistakes. He is worth to forgive. There are times that we have to be soft in our decision specially when it comes to family. He's determined to win you back because he is even into counseling. I think it is not yet too late for you to be together again. As a matter of fact, he was influenced by his father though we say he shouldn't be but sometimes, out of respect to our parents we do what they want. In addition we don't want our parents to have bad feeling for us. What I can say is, I know you can be together, just take it slowly and everything will fall into place.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
20 Feb 09
I really hope things will work out for you, miraclefreebies, and that your husband will continue in the counseling. It probably would go better if the both of you could receive some counseling together also. You should hope that he will discover why he gives his father so much control over his life because if he is bent on causing trouble in your marriage a little distance is not going to solve your problems. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@thebeaddoodler (4262)
• Lubbock, Texas
19 Feb 09
I understand your need to keep your marriage together, but I'd suggest you go to joint counseling before you take him back. There are obviously issues you need to face together. I'm speaking from experience here. He no longer has a place to live since his dad took his mobile home and moved away. He's lost. His dad's gone now and so are you. He is the type of person that needs someone to look after him. Of course he's sorry he let his dad interfere, but without counseling, what will interfere next time? I'm not trying to dissuade you from working on your marriage, I'm just saying look at the situation from many different angles.
God bless and good luck.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Hi miracle~ I don't exactly know what to say. What he did was
really pretty much unforgiveable as far as I can see. I would
be extremely caucious as to what I would do if I was in your
situation. Just because his father has moved away now he decides
he wants you back. What is it that he has no place to go? I'm
not so sure about this man's motives and neither should you be!
He threw you and your daughter out into the street without so
much as looking back. You need to move a bit slower and think
about what you are doing. This man doesn't seem to know what he
wants and surely shouldn't be trusted. Granted, it is your life,
he is your husband, but he as done some terrible things to you
and your daughter. Take some time to think about this before
you rush back to him!
1 person likes this
@maygodblessu44 (7336)
• India
20 Feb 09
Hello my dear miraclefreebies Ji,
Well, such situations do arise in our lives. But we should not run-away. I find some
unexpected-relations. When you say, 'my daughter', is not daughter of both of you,
when you say of, 'his dad', is he not your Dad? And story of relations goes on. In our
way of life/culture/traditions, after I was married to my husband some forty yrs back,
his parents became my parents and my parents became my hubby's parents as well. I do not
address my FIL as 'his dad/Mom'. The very feelings of relationship counts. But, even then
I would advise you, if there is any room for councilling go ahead and save your married life.
May God bless you and have great time.
1 person likes this
