Their First Fight & I Hate to Say I Told You So...
By debfeaster
@debfeaster (184)
United States
February 19, 2009 7:58am CST
Ok...here is the deal. My best friend has been in a relationship for less then 3 months and yes...they are in love...in fact they were supposidly in love after 3 dates. The problem came in when myself and several of our close friends realized that when she is together with her new man she isn't herself...not the normal fun loving, joking around, having fun kindof girl.
Now last night us girls were out shooting darts having a great time and bam...she was quiet. When we all asked what was wrong apparently she had been texting back and forth with her man and he coped an attitude and said this wasn't the person he knew...apparently he had never seen this side of her. The problem is that IS her.
She is very concerned about his reaction and thinks there is a misunderstanding. I tried to comfort her with telling her that there is alot the two of them need to get to know about eachother and that texting can be very easily misintuprited. This was what I was fearful of for her...she seemed to be being herself FINALLY and now it could be a problem.
I personally think they were moving way to fast from the start and needed to slow down and get to know eachother better...let the natural process of falling in love happen...but she didn't listen and now I am affraid there could be problems.
What would you do for your friend? Is there really anything I can do?
3 people like this
4 responses
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
19 Feb 09
You didn't mention any ages, which can make a bit of a difference. However, I don't think there is really anything you can do, other than wait, and be there for her when she needs you, and she will. But, right now, they are 'in love', hard to tell someone, no you aren't.
2 people like this
@debfeaster (184)
• United States
19 Feb 09
She is 39 and he is 48 or so. That is another reason why I am confused about it. It isn't like they are teenagers and should even be having these silly fights. I agree that there isn't much I can do cuz I am sure she doesn't want to hear that they may not really be in love cuz there is lots they don't know about eachother so I try to keep that one to myself.
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
19 Feb 09
Invite the both of them out with a small group of you. Go for coffee or a drink and ..sure, a game of darts. Before you go, tell her to be herself and if her "love" complains, point out to her the folly of her actions. This is what friends are for mate and it's best if she finds out sooner rather than later. All may not be lost...they might slow things down and build a foundation for their relationship and it might turn out ok. If they rush in like this they won't have a chance...talk to her...don't tell us - tell her!
@overhere (515)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Who are we to say someone is in love on the first date or the 100th date. As her best friend it isn't for you to judge her feelings just to stand by to share her happiness or pick up the pieces should things go wrong. I am married and very happy but I am certain that any of my girlfriends would say I am not the same person I was a a crazy single lady, being "in" a relationship does change us.
There s nothing you can do for your friend except be a friend and that includes standing back and letting her relationship run its course for better or worse and being there for her whatever.
@debfeaster (184)
• United States
19 Feb 09
Thanks for your advise. I do stand by here whatever she does cuz I am her best friend and always will be. The one thing I neglected to put into my questions is the comment that this isn't the first time she has been "in love" right away. This is the 4th time and every time it falls apart. I am not saying this one will and I undoubtedly hope is doesn't but she has a track record of moving too fast...then as they really get to know eachother issues come up that cause problems. I am not by any means saying she is not in love but I just question it due to her past. I also understand what you are saying about being a different person when you are single...I too was that way. The problem with her isn't the things that change when you start dating or aren't single anymore...they are her regular personality traits and things she likes to do. I do believe some things change but the deep inside person should not change. He should love her for who and what she is and I am just afraid he isn't seeing that...and I am not saying he still wouldn't love her when it does come out.
Trust me...I was in a marriage where I wasn't myself and it ended horribly. You can only try to be someone you aren't or someone you think they want you to be for so long before you break. Thats my point. I just don't want her to get hurt and I know I can't stop it and I just need to be here if they do...and I will.
1 person likes this
@borgborg (821)
• Philippines
19 Feb 09
What "attitude" of her was the guy referring to as something he didn't like? I think they should have to have the talk already and she should show him now what she really is and see if he will be able to accept her for that. because if he can't then they are better off, you can never be happy with someone if you are just pretending to be someone else for him. She might make him happy for a while but later on she will only be hurting herself...
1 person likes this
@debfeaster (184)
• United States
19 Feb 09
I couldn't agree more! That has been my issue from day one. Several of our friends noticed and so did my boyfriend that she wasn't being herself and we all agreed that if she doesn't she will never be truly happy or will the relationship work. As far as the attitude she had? We have no clue what attitude it was cuz she was just being herself. I did tell her last night that she needs to get to the bottom of it cuz it might be something that is really silly or something that is really serious. I hope to hear from her today with the results.
1 person likes this
