It's fourteen years ago today.
By Pose123
@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
February 23, 2009 12:20pm CST
Fourteen years ago today my life was changed forever. It was Feb.23,1995 that I returned home around 10:30 at night to find that my wife of more than 28 years, and the mother of our three sons had died suddenly of a massive heart attack. Neither of our sons were at home, the youngest was in his last year of university and the other two were working away from home. It is impossible to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it, the emotions that will surface at such a time. I was able to make two phone calls before I completely lost it and soon there were others there. My thoughts were almost immediately of our sons and how to go about telling them. I shall never forget coming home that night and thinking that she had fallen asleep watching TV, until I was standing just a few feet from her. Of course, life had to go on and time is the great healer, yet every year at this time I find myself reliving the events of that day and the weeks that followed. I know that there are others here who have had similar experiences and can relate to my feelings. Thank you for taking the time to read this and if anyone cares to respond I'd be pleased. Blessings.
16 people like this
28 responses
@heavenschild (4777)
• Canada
25 Feb 09
So sorry Pose...
I had no idea and can truly understand you sorrow!
Yes I still have my Hubby and yes I even still have my parents but I lost four Grandparents in a time span of less than three years and watched my parents go through all they went through during that time and it is never easy and yes time makes it less but they are never forgotten and should never be forgotten!
HUGS
~Heavens~
2 people like this
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
25 Feb 09
Sorry to hear about this Great loss in your life, and I can understand how hard this is for you. I lost my Mom almost a yr. and a half ago with no real warning when her Heart decided to give out. I am sure there are many things you have learned from this, and I am sure you and your Sons are better because of knowing her, and I hope are still very close as well. I know they say time heals all wounds but there are those Bad days as well. I will be Praying for you, and wishing you the Best.
1 person likes this
@sbeauty (5865)
• United States
23 Feb 09
I really feel for you. I know things get better in time, but I'm sure there's still a hole in your life where you'd like her to be.
My husband and I have been married 32 years now, and I wonder sometimes what I'd do if I were faced with the same situation you were. I know it will happen someday, but how do you ever prepare yourself for the possibility?
2 people like this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
24 Feb 09
Hi sbeauty, Thank you for commenting and I don't think you can ever prepare if it comes suddenly. In my case my wife was only 49 and we hadn't even started thinking about such things. Most of the time we don't think it could happen to us but of course it does. When we get older at least we see things a bit differently and accept the fact that dying is simply a part of living. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Bless you, Pose123. That is an event you just never truly get over. The best you can hope for is to find a way to honor it, which is what I believe you are doing here with this discussion.
Be well.
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
24 Feb 09
As you say, time is the greatest healer. We all have to fight our battles alone and you have emerged stronger, if scarred inside.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
24 Feb 09
Words fail me, but allow me to substitute those of another more Famous;"When she passed it seemed like the ceasing of exquisite music."~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow~"She is my goods, my chattels;she is my house,
My household stuff, my field,my barn
My horse, my ox, my a$$, my anything.
~ William Shakespeare~
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
Hi Pose123! I really don't know what to say to you my friend. This is really a very sad moment. I know the feeling of losing someone you love very much and personally, when I read your discussion now, my heart remembered the pain I felt when I lost my beloved mom. We will all learn how to deal with the pain but we can not deny the fact that the pain will always be there in our hearts. I am sorry my friend, I will be here holding a prayer in my heart for your wife and for all us who have been trying to deal with the loss as best as we could.
take care and blessings my friend!
lovelots..faith
1 person likes this
@samijo719 (1052)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I am so sorry for your loss and the saddness this day brings you. You are right about one thing though, time is a great healer. And while you never fully getting over losing a loved one time eases the pain and makes it easier to rememeber without hurting so badly. I hope you have a blessed day!
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
24 Feb 09
Oh god,Pose........I am so sorry,it must have been a terrible ordeal for you.....All this happened so suddenly and so unexpectedly.And I know it takes ages for the shock and the pain of loss to sink in,and it stays with you for ever.And she wasnt that old either I guess, considering you were married only for 28 years.But in a way she is lucky to die that way,without having to go through any illness and hospitalization and pain,and suffering.You can only console youeself this way Pose dear.....
Well I can imagine exactly how you felt since I lost my father 13 years ago,in the month of february to be exact.He was only 63,and the memory of my wondeful childhood with him and his last days shall remain etched in my mind as long as I live I guess........Any way this is what life is all about I guess Pose.We have to cope with our loses and our gains and pull along till it is our turn ,I guess......
1 person likes this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
24 Feb 09
That is so sad, my sympathies to you. Time is supposed to heal all wounds but it does not completely. At some point hopefully the grief that comes when remembering changes into fond memories instead.
1 person likes this
@muru1950 (963)
• India
24 Feb 09
Hi pose,
I am really sad to read the untimely demise of your beloved wife.This unexpected
loss of your wife would have been a terrible shock to you.
Anyhow by this time you might have consoled your heart,as time is the best medicine.
I can see your deep love to your wife when I read your discussion.
She will live forever in your heart.
God bless you.
@zhuuraan (961)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Wow! 28 years is a long time! That had to be heartwrenching! I have never experienced anything like that and I hope I never do. I am still pretty young though, so who knows? I've experienced deaths in my life, many of them, but nothing quite like taht.
However, I know how you feel abut reliving events. All of my life over the years my family slowly tore apart until nobody talked to anyone anymore and it tears me up. No matter how much I try to brush it off and move on and get over it, every year around the holidays I find many days that I spend a good while crying my eyes out over all the crud I've been through. I'm normally okay, but around the holidays the pain is ever present.
The best thing to do in that situation is to try your best to remember the good memories and let them take precedence over the bad, though sometimes that is easier said than done. I feel for your loss but I am happy that you are remembering her and I am sure she would be pleased.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
24 Feb 09
Hi zhuuraan, Thank you for responding and for your thoughts. I am sorry for the troubles you have had in your young life and can only hope that things will get better. It took a few years but I have managed to pick up the pieces and move on with my life. It is still difficult at this time of the year however. Blessings.
@gracie04 (4549)
• Philippines
24 Feb 09
I'm so sorry for you loss... i know how hard it is to lose someone you really love.. i guess, we can't avoid the fact that someday out time will come.. there's nothing we can do about it.. i hope you would be able to get back to your feet again.. God bless
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
23 Feb 09
Pose-
I'm very sorry for your loss, it is never easy. I'm not sure how one goes on after a spouse passes but I know it is possible. My husband's friend lost his wife to cervical cancer when she was young, and he has managed to continue forth in life being just as he was, yet wiser in some regards. I suppose it may sound cliche to offer that there is something you have to offer, but I know this to be true as well. This friend of my husband's was the one that supported my husband emotionally when I went through cervical cancer. We're all so connected, us humans, that it is this we must remember.
I think it is wonderful that you remember your wife each year. Every year during the Samhain (I'm pagan) I remember those that have passed onward. Ancestor worship has been around for centuries and in many cultures. May you find peace each year that you remember her and share her story.
Namaste-Anora
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