Breaking Family Ties

This is a subject I have struggled with for years and has brought more than its fair share of tears. My father is nor was a good father. I held on to the idea that we could be friends when I got older and even asked him to give me away at my wedding. He was late. When my youngest sister had her first child almost 4 years ago we thought that there would be a chance that he would be good to his grandchildren. That was not the case. He acts like he has no children or grandchildren. This baby and his sister have never recived a gift from him much less any of his time. I decided recently, when I got my associate degree, that I would no longer put forth the effort to connect with him. He did not call, write, answer my email, or even send his regards through another family member. I will not let him know my children when I have them because they deserve better that an uninterested, unloving grand dad. Your situation is different. If he is good to your kids then they need that bond. If you can trust him then let him take the kids to the park or spend time with them WITHOUT you. What he did when you were a child (what ever it is) has no excuse; but if he can love your kids like he should then let him. If he cannot be trusted then reduce his time so that you do not suffer, because your kids will notice that something is wrong with you and him and they will ask. I wish you the best of luck, I will tell you that my church family has helped me deal with the pain in my life because of my father. I tried counseling and pills for depression, that did not help but God did.

I have and did. I struggled for years trying to deal with the things a certain family was doing. It was something that after our last discussion that I just couldn't deal with so I broke it off. It was better for my health and the health of my family. You have to do what is right for you.

I had experience situations wherein I wanted to break family ties due to unreasonable attitudes of my parents, but then I realized that my child also needs her set of grandparents from my side. What I did is to just ignore what they're doing wrong, and get on with my life. I thought of talking to them, but based on my experiences when I was younger, I know they wouldn't listen and time and effort will just go to waste. Every now and then, they visit to see us. They always have gifts and something for my child, so I guess I did make the right choice. In your case, the best advice that I can give is to continue being in good terms with your dad for your kids' sake. I know it will not be easy, but as a mother, I know that you can do it for them. Then, if the situation gets worst, I think it would be a good idea to confront him or go on vacation... that is away from him.

Just because someone has children it doesn't mean they are mature and can rise to the occasion. Sometimes making peace with your family requires understanding and accepting who they are. There are so many reasons why individuals fail in the parenting department but the bottom line is that once you reach a point in life you have to learn how to parent yourself. Unfortunately for some this happens when they are still in childhood. The thing about family members is that in most cases they have been the people who they are for a long time and they are highly unlikely to change. You can't do anything about that but you can do something about how you let them affect you. If your dad has never been a good dad and still isn't being one that means he is not going to show respect to you as an adult in front of your children and this is not acceptible under any circumstance. Your kids will be just fine without him around, he is the one who will suffer in the long run. Your kids are attached to him because they are kids and in their world everyone is good and everyone they meet is their friend. Kids are quick to forgive and forget but adults know better. Your father has the same potential to hurt them the way he has hurt you as soon as they are less young and cute and obedient. It is easy for grandparents to be nicer because they are not the ones dealing with the kids full-time. There is no way your dad can be a good grandfather if he is not currently a good father. Give yourself some space from him for a while and see what happens. Write a letter and whether you send or not see what you can do to resolve all those old feelings. See if your dad would be willing to go into counseling with you if only to support you while you work through your past and hwo it affects you in the present. Most importantly, think about the people you want your kids to become and ask yourself if grandpa is a good influence. They can still have a relationship without being around him all the time. Good luck with your situation.

You know, just like friends and associates can be toxic to your life, so can family. you may love someone in your fam, but that doesn't mean you have to let them treat you any ol' kind of way. and that's just the honest truth. you shouldnt have to compromise your happiness just because that person is blood. Tori

i broke ties with my dad. i don't know what kind of trauma he got as a kid that he need to punish people with his silence as soon as they do something they don't approve off. I had an argument with my step mom because she crossed the line with me and tired of shutting up, i told her what i thought. When i talked to him and asked him why HE was mad at me since i didn't say or do anything to him, he ranted about senseless crap of how i should stop blaming people for his brake up with my mom and all this kinds of thing...the fight had nothing to do with my mom, and i did blame my step mom when i was 12...and that was the last i ever talked about the issue...but since he had no real reason to be mad at me i guess he had to bring it up...i don't depend on him for anything, ive been on my own since im 17 and have never asked for ANYTHING at all since then. he decided to throw me away like i was garbage and choose to side with the mole, fine, one day he'll be old, sick and alone, and i won't be there since i'm his only child and my step mom is 13 years older than him and he has very few friends,i guess he will finally get his wish and be alone...good luck to him