Have you and your child ever hidden facts from your spouse?

thnx Deepak. As you can understand, we are not in a very relaxed mood right now and since I am his teacher and guide at home, my tension is no less. I just don’t want to disturb the concentration and calmness which is more essential at exam time than the actual hours spent studying. I will tell my hubby later, after the exams are over and we may all three have a laugh over it, but right now, I want to negative emotions at home.

I can understand your position and appreciate your idea, it will perhaps be better not to disturb the atmoshphere at home, at this juncture, you may tell about it to your hubby, later on. Only thing is you need to conceal his answer sheet.......LOL! All the best for final exams of your son.

Oh yes, I‘m sure father and son are enjoying a burger or two behind the mother’s back. You see, as parents we enforce so many of our own likings and dislikings on our children without any logic that it really helps when the other parent understands and tries to be lenient within a limit. I remember my own childhood was spoilt in the same sense that my mom abhors street food and in school I used to hear of friends going out in the evenings with their moms and having this and that and I used to feel so bad about it.

Yes, I am thinking of giving him professional help. But you know teachers these days are professionals first and teachers later. The going rate for class 5 is about Rs. 1000/- p.m for 1hr of tuition for three days per week at home! What will he learn in three days and on other days, when he is stuck, who’s to help him? I can of course send him to coaching classes which would be cheaper but I doubt any improvement there. Let’s see, we’ll have to decide on something.

Yes, I am thinking of giving him professional help. But you know teachers these days are professionals first and teachers later. The going rate for class 5 is about Rs. 1000/- p.m for 1hr of tuition for three days per week at home! What will he learn in three days and on other days, when he is stuck, who’s to help him? I can of course send him to coaching classes which would be cheaper but I doubt any improvement there. Let’s see, we’ll have to decide on something.

I agree with you Suidpta, now people are taking tuition for making a handsome earning and not bothered about the students whether they study or not. I also sent my child for tuition (2-3 months only) but the very first day I realized that the lady does not know anything. I told very clearly that I have problem in teaching Hindi (sometimes) so that is why I prefer to be a North Indian teacher (I thought that she must be proficient in Hindi as it is their regional language). But she was teaching blunders in English, EVS and Maths. I don’t like to hurt her or disrespect her so I told her that please concentrate on Hindi only but no vain finally I stopped his tuition. Actually she was poor in English and when it comes with story sums in maths she could not understand the same and calculating wrongly. I provided a tuition teacher for him because I don’t have enough time to spend with him (I have a small kid too) but this adds my work (concentrate his studies including the lessons what he learned from the tuition teacher, re-writing the mistakes). I have consulted with my friends and everybody have the opinion that never rely them at all. For your son, I think it will be better if you ask the opinion from his teacher and if they can provide some extra care, it will be wonderful. So please arrange a meeting and do the needful soon.

Hi Cyn, Sorry for being late in responding. Well, I have had similar experiences about ‘Nathan this…Nathan that’ since std II. The first time this happened, I blamed that boy and even spoke to the teacher and the seats were changed accordingly to comfort my son. However, it happened the next year and this year too…every time there’s some different boy who becomes my son’s imagined monster and is always (supposedly) causing him much trouble. Last year, he was pestering me to go to the school again (as pervious year) but I put my foot down. I do believe my son is really at fault here for not handling situations properly…I mean it cant be that every year there’s some boy picking up on him all the time! And even if that happens, he should learn to stand up for himself. He has not taken it too kindly but I am not interfering this time. Really Cyn I’m tired of all these exams and related studies…tomorrow is the vernacular and on Thursday is Maths…God knows how many days more but definitely not earlier than end of March…I think I need a break more than him. Let’s see, when we are in a more relaxed mood, we’ll talk. BTW, previously when I had such heart-to-heart discussions with him, he admits that he gets angry too fast and that its not correct to speak in that manner but he just does not know how to control his anger. …my responses are so long, thnx for taking time to read, but I really enjoy opening up to you.

Umm, you might have a point there…as it is he is pretty tense right now regarding the finals and anything and everything I say comes with a blank look and then the retort ‘you are always accusing me…’. you know Cyn, somewhere along the way I think I am losing my boy…maybe I am being hypersensitive, maybe its his hormones (he will be 10 this July), maybe its friends at school…whatever it is, I cant put a finger on it but as a nervous mom, I have to admit that I am scared of what his reaction would be. Its not a continuous reaction, mostly he is OK and normal, but scratch a little and out comes the devil from within and I am just taken aback. Shouting back isn’t the solution, though I am again confused as to whether this soft-peddling would do him any good at all, talking firmly and setting goals and conditions aren’t helping either…he seems to be pre-determined in his reaction and that is not to cooperate. Only a lot of love and cuddling and the occasional secret pact act like a balm on this very painful and turbulent condition. So I tried this out…it was like our secret pact against Dad, we both laughed about it and he was very relaxed but focussed on the fact that since mom is on his side, he would do his best in the finals to bail mom out! Situation remains static on this as of now…later on I would tell my hubby the facts but for now, I do hope Cyn that I am doing the correct thing. Your further inputs, if any, are very welcome.

After finals are over I suggest you try talking to your son. He knows the reason for his behavior and maybe after this stress is lifted off of him he will be more inclined to tell you. I know even myself, when I have something weighing on my mind I snap at anybody who I perceive even looks at me the wrong way. If during your talk he mentions the names of kids at school you can pretty much bet that they have a hand to play in the way your son is acting and I would do what you could to limit his time with those kids. I know with my son when I questioned why he was doing and saying certain things he said..."but Nathan this....and Nathan that." It took me going to the school half way through the year and getting my son switched to a different classroom where Nathan couldn't be an influence. If your son doesn't seem to know why he is acting this way honestly and not him just hiding something from you then you could probably sum this behavior up to his newly budding hormones and an over abundance of testosterone. There is little to be done if that is the culprit. My son speaks with a "counselor" (which is just a generic term for a therapist) every week for an hour. It really has helped him. Maybe see if something like that is available for your son as well. Good luck, and please let me know how this all turns out for you.

Thnx so much for your encouragement and support I need all I can more than my son

Thnx for agreeing on this. I would of course tell my hubby later when the situation is less tense but sometimes I do feel if one parent acts more like a friend with a child (you know, how children like to hide facts from adults) in the long run it might just create a special bond between the two which might ultimately be beneficial.

I know I am walking a double-edged sword on this. I have tried the way of telling my hubby separately but invariably later at some other time, maybe the dinner table or next evening, when father and son are having a chat, daddy will spill the beans and though he doesn’t mean to, his disappointment and worries do get across to the child. me of course is always there to salvage the situation but right now, with maths, I did not want my son to become more upset. I will of course tell my husband later, but that will be after the exams are over and the results are out and we three can have a laugh on this.

Thnx for understanding. You see, to deal with children in difficult times, sometimes we adults need to become children too and I feel I am trying to do just that. I want to be more of a friend and try and relax him just before the exams than a parent.

Thnx for responding