Good Mother, Bad Daughter

first i wouldnt say that a 4 year old is "evil" maybe the child has a high energy level and its obvious that the parents or grandparents wont do anything to properly guide the child You are NOT a bad daughter and you are not a bad person it sounds like you are the only one in that house that is acting responsibly I seriously doubt that your little Nico will turn out like that because you are willing to lay down ground rules for your child AND enforce them your niece needs structure and discipline and she isnt getting it from her mother I dont think that environment is where you and little Nico need to be I think if its feasible you should find somewhere else to live before they corrupt your little angel

Hi maple, I just responded to another discussion about your little niece, and then I came across this one. I don't know your mom, but as a daughter myself, then a mother of three and a grandmother of one. I've noticed things as I have aged. As a daughter I was treated a lot stricter than my last brother who was 12 years younger than me. As a mom, I raised my first two a lot stricter than my last one who is 15 years younger than my last child. And as a grandmother, I am a lot more patient and tolerant of my grandchild's behavior then I was of all the others. I would not accept the behavior that your niece is doing though. It's possible your mom is having trouble because she may have treated you and your sibling to harsh or strict when you were little and she can't separate her regrets from the past and what is going on with your little niece now, and she doesn't want you to have regrets later. I'm not kidding you, just the two discussions you've posted tells me that if I was you, I would make different living arrangements. Not out of anger or spite, but because is sounds like your in a no-win situation. There are four adults and only you are willing to set some rules, which is going to pit three against one and it isn't worth it. Find a new place to live, enjoy the peace and let them deal with the child. There is nothing nicer than being able to walk away from a stressful situation.

No 4-year-old is evil first off- undisciplined, poor behaving, hyper. Yes, those can all can be true. However, I don't believe that 4-year-olds can be evil.

I have read your story and I felt sad for you. If I were in your case I will do the same. I am a new mom too. My son is just 5 months old. I have seen kids from birth to teenage years and I have observed that they have differences in behaviors. I have six siblings, one sister and five brothers. My brothers have small age gaps. They are ages 13, 10, 9, 7 and 6. I still remember when I was in high school one of my brothers (they were younger by that time, the youngest one were about 1 and 2 years old) peed my project and I really cried for that. I think the one who did that was going three years old. It was a project drawn in a bond paper and it went wet. I hanged it outside because I need to submit that the next day. My mom just got a bit mad then after that seems everything went fine. That is just a part of my past. That is one reason why I never really liked so many kids and I don't like them when they are bad. I understand that all children undergoes the same stage of being naughty and bad but there are also ways where we can discipline them. You are not a bad daughter. And I had the same feeling as you are. I never grew up with my mom and so we are not close. She got hurt when I got married without informing them and she said that I should pray that my child won't do the same thing I did. Well I just think that there are no similar situations especially if you started your life right. I may be a bad daughter to her but I believe that I am a good mother. I will never do the same thing she did to me. She left me when I was two years old. Went abroad to help my dad working then after 14 years they stayed here for good but never had a permanent job. I got hurt more when they produced a lot of kids who were my siblings. So they can never blame me for not being so good with them. Now I have moved on. I am in good terms with them. After I graduated in college (I was sent to college by my relatives) I was the one who supported the studies of my sister. She will graduate next year with management course. I still think that if I may be a bad daughter before, I have also done good. I sent my sister to college because our parents can't finance her studies. I even helped my other brothers with their school supplies every year since I got employed immediately after graduating in college. Now I think I am not as bad as I was. Life is really full of surprises. I just wish that my son will grow as good as I want him to be. I will discipline him the way I was discipline by my great grandmother. Not so strict but always on the right tract. I hate people who spoil their kids because I hate seeing kids growing without respect to elders. I believe I can do that with my son. I love him so much more than I love myself.

I feel for you sounds like you have it from all sides. You can never hit a child even lightly people all around will freak out. I sometimes wonder where these people were when my father was punching me around for breaking cerfew. It is tough I am sure your a fine mom I get the pressure it is not easy it is the toughest job you will ever have. I also know that you will never love any children like your own. So the story you tell is not about your niece but your anger at her ruining things that was your childs. I also think you are getting ready for laying down your own rules as a parent which is never a bad thing. Your only problem is living with your mom and hitting someone elses child those things are going to sit in the room like an 800 pound gorilla good luck as my heart goes out to you. I am sure though that you are going to be a great mom.

maple_kisses, just remember you are not a bad daughter because you did what you thought was right. Your mother only wants to be good to her grandchild, no matter how much trouble they cause. Do not worry about it. Most grandparents are like your mother when it comes to their grandchildren. Remember, parents and adults always act nicer to the youngest child since they want the child to know of their love to them. I am sure that your mother did not mean what she said. Parents and children sometimes say things they do not mean. Just remember these two things: 1.) Your mother will always love you. Forgive her this time because she obviously said something she did not seriously mean. 2.) You will always be a good daughter to your mother as long as you decide and act upon what you think is the correct thing to do.

You know, I'm not a perfect mother either... I don't think there is a perfect parent out there.. We all try our best though & that is what matters. Don't get to down on yourself. Do your best & that's all your child needs from you. I believe it might be best to start finding your own place because I know that living with other people & other small kids, can sometimes be a bad thing. So for right now, I would just worry about your own child & if something happens with this other child getting into your stuff or messing your stuff up, I see nothing wrong with telling that child no & letting her know what she did was wrong. Good luck with everything & just remember that just because someone says different about you, doesn't mean it's true. If you feel your a good person, then that is what you are. :D

I am sorry to hear about what happened. Children grows up differently and not 2 are much alike in attitude. I don't believe surrounding influence can alter a child's behavior because I believe it depends really on themselves as well. I grew up loving my parents. We are 9 children and I was the youngest. I have 5 kids now and I see that each of them has a different attitude. Sometimes spanking is good not because you don't love them but it's because you want to right their wrong and change their ways. What your niece has done was not nice and I believe you did the right thing. Your mom should know better in disciplining because she has been there and done that. I just don't understand why she acted that way. My kids are my life and I don't want them to stray. I will give my all to them as long as they behave. My parents never say something bad about my children because they are very good people and they just give advices. I hope your mother will realize that what she has done is wrong and both of you get together soon. Your a good mother for loving your child and caring for him and a good daughter for not talking back at your mother.

We do have once in our lifetime experience a fight with our own mom. I do have my own story too of fighting or having a heated argument with my mom and sometimes i do make her cry. But at the end of our fight, i will go out to buy her some cake and flowers and this is my reconciliation thingy. I know you did what you have to do as a mother that is why you did not tolerate your niece about her bad behavior. I don't know why your mom got angry at you for that, but if she does tell you things very hurtful, i know it is very hard to forget. But forgive the person who have hurt you. Forgive your mom and i am sure she will realize her mistake too. You will be a good mother to your kids and your kids will look up into you as their mom. And disciplining our kids is important, we don't want them to grow up where people would tell them that their parents did not properly taught them good character or behavior.

I am sorry to hear your story.And I hope you have a good mood.And I think you are a good daughter and also a good mother.Keep happy!