"I'll let you go then..."
By paula27661
@paula27661 (15811)
Australia
February 26, 2009 10:52pm CST
I have a friend who has the knack of phoning me at the wrong time and she cannot keep the call short. An average call between us never less than one hour, which would be fine if I was on vacation but when life consists of taking care of a family and working I just don't have that hour!
Have you ever tried to get off the phone from someone who has no idea you want to get off the phone? How do you handle it?
3 people like this
19 responses
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
27 Feb 09
I sure have. Well my back door is near the telephone, so if need be, I open the back door, and put my hand out and ring the doorbell, and say sorry I have to go, someone is at the door. If all else fails, knock on a door and tell them you have to go and answer the door, or tell them you have guests that just arrived. Or you are late for an appointment. Let them know right away when you answered the phone that you are heading out the door to a doctor or some other appointment.
If you have caller ID, use it, when your friend calls, don't answer unless you have the time to talk.
Good luck to you.
Hugs MaryLynn
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Feb 09
I love it! I love the doorbell idea, I'll be sure to use that one. Great response, thanks! 
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Hope you don't mind my butting in here...but I'm laughing at all your suggestions...great ones. 
Sounds like you're not a phone fan either and will do everything possible to get out of a lengthy phone call
Sounds like you're not a phone fan either and will do everything possible to get out of a lengthy phone call@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
27 Feb 09
So very true. I talk for hours to my best friend. But, I suffer bouts of depression, and just can't even stand answering the phone at times. I use to be one that was on the phone for hours, and the phone rang all the time. Thankfully it doesn't that much anymore.
Glad I could make you laugh, they do sound rather comical, all one has to do is think of something, just about anything works.
Have a good one.
Hugs MaryLynn
PS. glad you joined us.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
28 Feb 09
If I receive a call and feels that our conversation is getting lengthy and eating up my time, I politely tell the caller - "Look, I have something urgent to attend, we can talk later, if it is not so important"
I believe that it will be in the fitness of things to reveal our position rather than shying away and not telling the same to the caller. He/she may feel bad about it temporarily, but in the long run, he/she will understand our nature and position.
@dpk262006 (58676)
• Delhi, India
1 Mar 09
It is good to know that you have great chemistry with your sister and you both have great level of understanding. If you continue with your honest and open attitude and continue to communicate your position to your friends, gradually, they will also start understanding your nature.
Thanks for appreciating the response.
Best of Luck!
Best of Luck!@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
I agree that being honest and up front is the best way to handle friendships. I am aware of that because my sister and I have such a relationship and that is one of the reasons we get along so well. One can say to the other, "I don't feel like talking tonight." and the other would totally understand. Unfortunately I don't have the same rapport with other friends. Thanks for the great response!
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
27 Feb 09
I have been in similar situations many times so much so that I hardly feel like talking over phone these days! I know this is not normal but two of my friends have successfully helped me to become antipathetic to talking on phone! They would call up at nay hour and I had to listen to their stories. Sometimes, I feel sorry for one of them is going through family prob;em for a few years now. But then, the fact that she would not take decision and fancy being in that miserable situation makes things worse! Its useless counseling her for she would do her mind no matter what.
The other day when my sister called, I told her that my ear was aching for I had to long hours on phone that afternoon. She is considerate enough and hung up. Later I felt sorry.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Feb 09
I can relate. I have a friend with never ending relationship problems who wants to discuss them for hours but will not listen to any advice. It can become a real problem. I'm like you; if I want to relax in the evenings I just don't answer the phone and let the machine pick up the calls; there are days when I just can't take it and if she was to call during one of those times I may well say something I later regret. So don't worry mimpi you're not alone! Don't worry I won't phone you! 
(LOL)
(LOL)@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
27 Feb 09
you cannot do this to me Paula! No way! Sometimes a phone call makes the day, life may be! So never do that to me! @pyewacket (43903)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Are we talking about the same friend? My friend thinks a short phone call is three hours
I'm fortunate that I have my message machine on 24/7 so it's a great way to screen calls and quite simply if I'm either not in the mood to talk right then and there, or if I'm eating dinner, doing work on the computer, whatever, I just plain won't answer but make a mental note to call when I can have free time to talk to her. Somehow, my friend just doesn't "get it"---part of my message says "I shall get back to you as soon as possible." Well, like duh? It means exactly that! She once left a message on my machine "I know you're always busy, but you can't be THAT busy." Oh, no?
She also must forget the time difference ..she's in California I'm here in NY...so don't ask how many times she calls just when I'm sitting down to eat. I did the mistake once of answering the phone while I was eating, and told her so, that I was eating, she said, "Oh that's okay, you can eat while I talk." Huh? Dinner time is one of the few "break-times" I have when I'm not doing anything..I want to sit and enjoy my meal. So I learned my lesson..never to answer the phone if it's her while I'm eating
I'm fortunate that I have my message machine on 24/7 so it's a great way to screen calls and quite simply if I'm either not in the mood to talk right then and there, or if I'm eating dinner, doing work on the computer, whatever, I just plain won't answer but make a mental note to call when I can have free time to talk to her. Somehow, my friend just doesn't "get it"---part of my message says "I shall get back to you as soon as possible." Well, like duh? It means exactly that! She once left a message on my machine "I know you're always busy, but you can't be THAT busy." Oh, no?
She also must forget the time difference ..she's in California I'm here in NY...so don't ask how many times she calls just when I'm sitting down to eat. I did the mistake once of answering the phone while I was eating, and told her so, that I was eating, she said, "Oh that's okay, you can eat while I talk." Huh? Dinner time is one of the few "break-times" I have when I'm not doing anything..I want to sit and enjoy my meal. So I learned my lesson..never to answer the phone if it's her while I'm eating
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
28 Feb 09
I also let my answering machine pick up every time the phone rings. I don't ever bother answering it unless I'm expecting an important call. Most of my calls are soliciters anyways, which I don't get because I'm on the national do not call list, but they call anyways.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Feb 09
OMG! It sounds like the same person! (LOL) It's inconsiderate isn't it? If I am invited anywhere and I say I'm busy she always demands to know exactly what I'm doing and can't I get out of it!!??! Annoying!
(LOL) It's inconsiderate isn't it? If I am invited anywhere and I say I'm busy she always demands to know exactly what I'm doing and can't I get out of it!!??! Annoying!
@kissieme (777)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
Yes, I've been in the same situation a lot of times with some of my friends. when this situation comes up my busiest time at work or doing something really important, I tell my friends the truth. That I can only stay on the phone on a short time or that I can not take calls especially at work. It is better to be honest when it comes to it. ^_^ I know that they understand how busy I am and they also know that I'm going to call them back at my breaks or after work. If it is emergency, I can give them time to talk though I have to ask permission from my manager, who is actually not allowing personal calls that often lol.
cheers paula ^_^
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Feb 09
It's good to be up front from the start.I have friends that don't take no for an answer so as I told mimpi the solution for me is call screening. Thanks for responding!
@kissieme (777)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
call screening is good yay! but I don't have a caller ID on my homephone or work phone so the best way for me is to take the call and tell my friends if it's a very inconvenient time for me... I can only view the numbers of my callers if they call on my cellphone hahaha. that I can actually get back at them after work and stuff lol...
thanks paula... ^_^
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
27 Feb 09
I just looked at my phone and let a call go to voicemail just a few minutes ago! Some people do not understand that you cannot talk on the phone indefinitely. Cell phone packages do have their limit and I don't have the money to pay for going over all the time. Sometimes holding a phone limits what else you are able to do and it slows you down regardless. I like to talk when I have something to say and I don't mind listening to others but when it's time to go you shouldn't have to say goodbye for thirty minutes!
The only way I know to handle it is to have caller ID so you can at least have the option of if and when you want to talk so that if you are headed to the door or doing something you won't get sidetracked.
You can always let the call go to voicemail and then check to see if it was important and send a text message.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
Caller ID, marvellous invention! It is a good way to let calls go and you can get to them later and no one should get upset. Thanks for your reply Canellita!
I appreciate your response lah900. I agree that's what friendship is all about; you should be able to say you're busy without hurting anybody, I'm like that with my sister and we get along fine. Unfortunately there are insecure people out there who would be offended. I'm getting so many good tips I should not have a problem dealing with annoying people from now on! Thanks again for a great response!
I appreciate your response lah900. I agree that's what friendship is all about; you should be able to say you're busy without hurting anybody, I'm like that with my sister and we get along fine. Unfortunately there are insecure people out there who would be offended. I'm getting so many good tips I should not have a problem dealing with annoying people from now on! Thanks again for a great response!
@lah900 (16)
• United States
27 Feb 09
It is perfectly fine to let your friend you need to get off the phone now, be polite and say "I really need to go now, but we can talk later when I have more free time. I have a friend, we are always honest with each other, that is what friendship is about. We have things to do, especially if you have kids. If she has to go, she explains why and I am not offended. I will admit I talked to a relative a couple of times for 6 hours, boy my ear hurt. But I chose to stay on the phone, now when we talk if I have to go I let her know, again she is not upset. People must realize that their are simply times we do not have time for a lengthy conversations, and as your friend she should realize that and you do not have to feel guilty. You may also let her know I will call you back at a certain time when I have time to talk, if she gets upset reconsider her friendship, they are not selfish they are understanding. She also maay a bit to sensitive, really it is a busy world and sometimes it is inconvenient for you, she should consider that and understand you without getting upset because your honest, with all the serious issues, she should not be upset that you do not have hours at the time to be on the phone so long. Hope this helps and think about this she is not concerned about your needs, real friends do. I can't imagine not being able to tell my friends I really have to go, also you arenot required to explain why you have to get off the phone, I usually do, but it is up to you to let her know, again if she gets upset reconsider her friendship, or maybe say friends should always be able to be honest and something so unimportant as this should not even be an issue. It would be one thing if you just hung up on her(which you may feel like doing), but saying I will speak with you later is fine!!
@melissapalardy (213)
• United States
28 Feb 09
sometimes you just have to come right out and tell the friend that you have a lot going on right now and you don't have the time to sit on the phone. try to set some time aside for your friend so you can talk, but you need to tell them that you have things you need to do and you can't just sit and talk on the phone. i am sure your friend will understand
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
Good advice. If all else fails this is one piece of advice from a previous MyLotter; go to the door and ring the door bell and say, "someone is at the door, gotta go!" Thanks for the response!
@srganesh (6340)
• India
3 Mar 09
I respect my friends and they can call me at any odd time and I will in turn call them at any time.There should not be any formalities between friends.Me and my friends have the habit of enquiring the situation during the call and if something else is to be attended,we will cut it short.Also we won't hesitate to announce the difficulty if the case may be.Honesty,I like of my friends.Cheers!
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
3 Mar 09
It sounds like that is how friendships should be. You're lucky! Thanks for responding!
@theweerouss (982)
• United States
28 Feb 09
I think we may have the same friend! It is absolutely impossible to get her off the phone unless she has something she has to go and do. I always feel bad if I simply don't answer, seeing her on the caller ID, but when I have other things going on around me, I know I can't just drop everything and talk for an hour plus. It may sound crazy, but when I see her call and I don't have time to talk, I let it go to voice mail and make a note in my to do list to call her later. I usually end up doing this when running errands, or if I have the luxury of enough time to take myself out for a walk! That way I still feel productive, but can call her back and enjoy our conversation at the same time.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
That's an excellent way to handle it. It is difficult to make time for lenghty calls when life is busy. Thanks for a great response!
@uicbear (1900)
• United States
27 Feb 09
I would just be honest and say something to the effect of, "Listen, I really would like to talk to you, but I'm right in the middle of something. Would it be ok to call you at (pick a time that works for you)?" Or when they call, you can say,"Oh, it's so good to hear from you. I only have (enter amount of minutes here) before I have to run and (enter task here), but I'd love to talk until then."
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
I'm getting good tips here! I like the idea of setting a time limit at the beginning of the call. Thanks for that!
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
I do that a lot too especially in the evenings when I want to relax. Thanks for the response!
@Mystic_Dragon (89)
• United States
27 Feb 09
Maybe your friend cannot keep the conversation short, but you can. Start by being honest with your friend, as lying always seems to catch with us, doesn't it. The way I see it, is you are helping your friend by allowing the conversation to go on and on. Tell your friend you are busy or in the middle of doing something and that you need to go. If your friend is a friend, indeed, they will let you go so you can do what you need to do. I would try to make a point of saying that you need to make it short, so they can say what really needs to be said.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
You are right about lying, I'm terrible at it and I generally get caught out if I do it. Honesty is, as they say, the best policy. Thanks for responding!
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
Thanks for the suggestion. Some people are harder not to upset than others! You are quite right it shouldn't be a big deal!
You are quite right it shouldn't be a big deal!@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
You are right. It should be sufficient just to say, "I've got to go". Some people are just hard to deal with, thanks for the response, appreciate it!
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
27 Feb 09
Ahh, one of the big drawbacks of a cell/mobile phone is you can't use one of the old excuses to end the conversation. I presume your friend calls you on your mobile/cell. In the past, we could say there's someone at the door... the baby's cryine... the dog wants to go out... the dinner'ready to serve. Now you can do all these with hands free on your mobile/cell. You can always try dropping the phone. Just kidding.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Feb 09
I thought about losing the phone altogether! (LOL) Thanks for the response!
(LOL) Thanks for the response!
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
27 Feb 09
I once a friend who made irritating phone calls but of course I never had to let her know how irritated I was. I just cut off our conversation short and would tell her that I am about to leave or tell her I'm cooking and my husband is about to come home and more alibis. Until she stopped calling.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
It's nice when people take the hint! Thanks for responding!
@alihaider (19)
• United States
27 Feb 09
what i use to do to response such calls is just answer them YES or NO,it makes the caller feel that i dont want to talk so they hang up the phone themselves,or another way is just tell them you are busy right now.
@nzalheart (2338)
• India
27 Feb 09
Well, when I don't really want to talk much on the phone, I just keep quiet, listen to caller just make yes or no, then that speaker would get tired and bored. Then he/she would stop. Yes I too get such call from a girl, but I don't talk really long. I mostly say that I am busy. Then she would end up the call soon. So usually the call becomes short and the long calls are only about 20 minutes for me.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
28 Feb 09
Maybe that's the trick, don't say much, must try it! Thanks for the response!
@krajibg (11922)
• Guwahati, India
27 Feb 09
This is too much,. and as you have told her that you don have the time to spare always would be the better way to deal with. I wonder why people are like this and do nor gave the feel that other could have problems too.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
27 Feb 09
It's called being self absorbed I think! Appreciate the response!
