Marital arguments, please help

Why is it that people are crazy enough to believe that just because a woman is 40 she's in menopause or hormonal? (Thinks a Cosby episode is in need here).

Because I'm 54 and have friends who went through some pretty severe personality changes which turned out to be physical in nature. I suggested many things as you saw. This woman is angry and aggressive. There's a reason why...either emotional or physical...so there's no harm in considering both.

Your idea i have done many times over and over again. Many times I feel like this is the only way I can communicate with her. I have told her repeatedly that i want to work things out. I think for one she is not content in what she has, seems like she always wants more kids, bigger house, new cars. I have learned to thank God for what He has given to me.

I can honestly agree with your comments, this is so close to my day to day reations at home.

Yes , this happens a lot..its very common..hope everything works out for you..all the best to you

I honestly feel like all this with her has affected me in I believe I suffer from depression, some of which is hereditary I am sure, some from the constant hostile environment. I will check on that person you mentioned.

Do not lose heart, almost every marriage goes through this. What you are experiencing is not unusual. My husband felt like you do when we had problems. Neither of us knew how to fix it. You may be very encouraged by Jimmy Evans. He is very honest. He and his wife went through much of what you describe. You may not believe this but your wife probably feels as bad as you do. Many times the walls go up and the anger hides the hurt. If there was a way into this, there most certainly is a way out to restoration of your relationship and happiness more than you had in the beginning.

I have tried your ideas and if things get really heated I retire myself to my relaxation room and let her deal with the kids. But the problem is when we agree on plans of action for dealing with the kids, or even our own problems, I think she "reconsiders" when resistance is present. I do not usually try to initiate a fight, but often I reply to a statement, not in a demeaning manner, she thinks I am trying to start a fight. I honestly think she is looking for a spouse who will do whatever she says, good or bad.

I think one of the problems is we both work with the mentally retarded population in a group home setting, same home, she is the home manager and I am direct care staff, I have been trying to transfer to a different home, but nothing is available right now.

Sometimes we act a certain way in relationships because that is the example we were brought up to believe is normal. Or it's a about face from what we were raised in because we think it is so wrong. So, if her mother is kind of 'the boss' in the relationship she might think that is normal. But, if her father is so bossy he is to the point of tyrantical she may be trying to get far away from it. If she is walking all over you in ALL decisions, that is not right. And if she is turning down suggestions to go to marital counsiling that means that she knows she has a problem, but doesn't want to deal with it, or doesn't want to be told she has a problem. From a woman's perspective I can say that sometimes it feels like we should be the only one making the at home decisions when the man is gone all day. For him to come home and suddenly take interest in what he has not been around to be apart of during the day. (I don't know if your wife is a stay at home wife... so if she isn't then this is probably not the issue.)and want to have a say so in it can feel threatoning. But, I'm sorry, I still stand by my earlier post... it's not an overnight thing that you just walk away from an argument or just say 'Okay, honey, let's try it the way you say this time' that it's going to blow her away and all will be bliss. I've watched my parents go through a 25 year marriage where my father was the bossy one and would NEVER let my mom have a say. She finally decided it wasn't worth it and left. I hate to see that happen. I wish my dad could have let her be right sometimes. But, it never really did happen. So, I don't know. I still wish you lots of luck!

I do not like the idea of dominace, rather sharing in the decisions, I think that she was raised that her mom basically treated her husband bad alot, degrading in talk. Her own sister has told me this. I feel like if we both agree on a plan of action in life, either with kids, work, etc., we should follow through, both partners on the same page. But I feel like, for instance, if the kids are acting up and we agreed no games for that behavior, I feel like I could tell the kids "no games" or her. But I notice that she often gives in at the slightest resistance.

I had mentioned counseling, but she has not really showed any interest