Do your parents make a difference in their grandchildren?
@abradshaw6001 (28)
United States
March 2, 2009 1:10pm CST
I have been having some issues about how my parents treat my children as compared to my sister's children. Here is the story: My sister has been married one time and is now divorced. She has two children from her marriage and another child from a man that she really didn't know much about when she became pregnant. She is no longer with her third child's dad and is currently pregnant with her fourth, by another man. Because the situation is so difficult on her children I tend to see mine treated differently. I, myself, have been married for 8 years and have three children of my own. My husband and I have had our ups and downs, but with the help of the Lord we have managed to stay together. I give God total praise for this because it has been through His strength and not my own that I am still with my husband. I know that divorce happens and children get hurt, but should this cause grandparents to treat those children different from their other grandchildren that haven't had such a hard time? Also, should my parents be the ones that are constantly taking care of my sister's children so much that she is hardly ever in any of their lives? It may sound selfish, but I just don't think this is fair to my kids.
2 responses
@daneg33 (1128)
• Canada
2 Mar 09
My inlaws totally favour my husband's sister's children over ours. I was very happy when they moved to another province, far away from us. That way, our children now have a chance to see their grandparents and spend time with them, instead of their cousins. It seems that my mother in law totally dotes on my sister in law's children and always finds ways to turn conversations about our children onto those kids - comparing them, whatever. It makes me mad and my husband gets upset as well. We had a situation not too long ago that was fairly dramatic involving our son and my mother in law chose to change the conversation to shed concern on his cousin who is around the same age. We couldn't help but wonder what that had to do with our situation. It is really frustrating, I totally understand what you are going through. I know my sister in law has talked about moving back to our locale, I hope it is just talk and that she won't be moving back here any time soon!!!
@abradshaw6001 (28)
• United States
2 Mar 09
Thanks for the comment! It makes me feel better that I am not alone. When you mentioned your sister-in-law that made me think of my husband's sister. To be honest it is the same way on his side of the family too. I am not asking for anyone to watch my kids 24/7, but I do not want them to be treated differently. I am just so sick of seeing mine sortta pushed to the side. An example: My children will ask to stay with my parents and my mom tells them that only one can stay because she doesn't want to keep all of them. Next thing I know I find out that she has all three of my sister's children on top of the one child that I let stay with her. It is just so annoying and I hope something changes soon. The situation with my sister is so bad that she lives in a town about 15 minutes from where my mom lives and she has her oldest son going to school in the town that me and my mom live in. So, my mom is left to take him to school and pick him up at school. I believe that this is my sister's job and she should take responsibility of the children that she gave birth to. The worst thing is that there is another baby on the way and I know that the responsiblity will be put off on someone else instead of her. I, too, am expecting and I know that this little baby will be brushed to the side so that her new baby can be taken care of. Sometimes I wonder why people have babies if they can't even take care of the ones that they have. If it has helped with your stress for them to move then maybe that is what was best and they will continue to live where they are at.
@daneg33 (1128)
• Canada
2 Mar 09
It's sad to say, but I see it a lot - grandparents favoring one set of grandchildren over another. The best thing to do is to "live well" which it sounds like you are already doing. My husband's sister is so jealous of our lifestyle (even though it is not lavish) because we own a house and they don't, we both work, she doesn't have a great job... she is always comparing her life to ours. See, if you live well, people envy you, and sometimes that is enough to help you ignore all the other junk.
@magrylouyu (1627)
• United States
18 May 09
You are absolutly right. It is not fair what so ever to your children. As for me, my parents treat all my children the same. I am basicly the only child and my husband is the oldest with his younger brother not even being 10 yet. I have 2 daughters and one on the way, plus I also have my stepson. My parents treat them all the same. It's my husbands mother and father who treat my stepson much better then mine and my husbands children together. I feel as my children are suffering because of this. My mother in laws response to it all is "Your stepson is in a different situation then your girls" I am sorry but that broke my heart! My 2 girls dont even know my inlaws. The last time they saw their grandmother was a year and a half ago. Their grandfather lives right up the street and sees them maybe once every 5 months. I would talk to you mom about it. It is hard on children and they know that they are being left out and that they are being treated differently. I have talked to my in laws but they dont care. So, I will just explain to them when they are a little bit older. They love my parents. Just try talking to her maybe she might understand.
