what is going on with my sister's daughter
By whitty998
@whitty998 (18)
Canada
March 6, 2009 7:51am CST
My sister is driving me nuts!!! i am the 3rd youngest of 10 children.(step half and others. 4 boys 6 girls) this sister isonly 2 older than me, and she has 6 kids her self. we are both in our 30s, but she is driving me nuts on her parenting. her oldest daughter is 13, and her additude is out of control. i have refused my daughter 11, to hang out with her cousin. i told her that her additude would get my daughter in trouble and the way she is acting i dont want my daughter around her. i even made a coment in the heat of the moment about i wouldnt be suprise if my neice ends up pregnate at a young age, because of the attention that she craves from boys.
my sister came over and confronted me about it(we live in the same town) i told her yes i did say that, because she lets her daughter run around the town at all hours of the night and she has been dooing it for years so she thinks she can do what she wants and when it drived my sister to the point where she always gives in rather than dealing with her daughter.
now my neice is hanging out my a neighbor kid. a few days ago she walked by with one of her friends and mouthed something at my daughter. i heard my daughter say something like "(name) you are ungler than you were before" well i ran out side grabed my daughter and jumped her butt about saying things like that. i told her she needs to be the bigger person and not react to what ever is going on. that her cousin is just trying to get her to react so that she can start a fight.
yesterday, my daughter had a friend over and my neice was once again over at the neighbors. my daugher and her friend were walking around the block,(in my daughters boundreys) but my neice and her friend kept yelling things at them. my neice even yelled at my husband what the hell are you looking at as he drove by. i have called my sister and told her that she needs to come over and talk about this, but she doesnt. she says she will deal with it, but she wont and i am just fed up with it all. what can i do to get my neice to quit tormenting my daughter???
3 responses
@sanjanaraman (237)
• United Arab Emirates
6 Mar 09
I advice that you should tell your daughter to ignore her cousin. It is the cousin that is going overboard, not your daughter, so you can explain to her nicely that her cousin's kind of behaviour is not at all acceptable, and you can even tell her some situations where her cousin got in trouble (if there are any). Tell her to just ignore her cousin, and don't even hear a word she says. Finally, her cousin should get bored of trying to fight with her and leave her alone. If your child doesn't follow what you say, I suggest you make deals with her, because even though you shouldn't be praised for doing what you should be doing, it's better that letting her get tormented. Take a little time, sit with your daughter and talk to her about this. If it all doesn't work and it is possible, JUST MOVE. I know it's not that easy but if you have to you have to. I hope this helps! I'm really sorry if it doesn't. It was the best I could do. Good luck dealing with your daughter and her cousin.
@whitty998 (18)
• Canada
6 Mar 09
moving is not an option for my family and i am not about to move just because my sisters kid is out of control! i have sat my daughter down and told her all of that. i also told her that if i find out, and i always do, that she is saying stuff to her cousin back that there will be sever punishment for her. she may be 11 but she is not too old for me to take her over my knee if i have too.
i told her that eventually her cousin will get board of it, or will get careless and do it in front of me and then we will deal with it from ther. she has seen or heard from her aunt about how her cousin is out of control, so she know just how she is.
@sysdexlicwriter (1619)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I had a similar situation with a nephew that lied a lot and then blamed it on my daughter. My sister called in a huff. I asked my daughter what went on in a calm manner and found that my nephew had told her something was all right to do even though it was not. She dialed their water heater to cold and they weren't happy when they took showers the next day. He told the truth that he did not dial the water heater but left out the part where he told my daughter to and that that was okay.
Have you heard that a soft answer turns away wrath. My sister was so convinced that she was right that I knew it would be pointless to argue about it. My first thing was to protect my daughter. We just stopped going over there and I did not leave my daughter in my sisters care after that. I could have given her a mouth full about the whole thing because she was wrong and I usually do. When it involves your children, don't drag them into you disagreement. You can forgive your sister but the rest of the family will be fighting so bad that you won't be able to ever have peace when this resolves.
Your daughter does not have to hang out with her cousin. You can't change your niece or your sister. Try to not add fuel to the fire of the whole thing. It's not easy to bite your tongue, but you can teach your daughter privately that this is inappropriate, you disagree with what is going on, and brainstorm how you guys can make peace without compromising your values. As you work through this it will set an example for how your daughter will solve her future conflicts with family and friends. I wish you well in the future of all of this.
@whitty998 (18)
• Canada
6 Mar 09
i have sat my daughter down and told her that people have said things about me in the past but that i have just let them go in one ear and out the other. i know that i am a good person and a good mom to all 3 of my kids. i live by an old saying that says'if what is said makes you mad then what is said must be true." i hnestly believe that and know that people say things just to try and get a reaction out of you.
my family all says that she is not a good mother and that she favors the 2 youngest because she is still with thier father and doest really care about the other 4. she even leaves them at other peoples houses for days. that is why thie older neice does what she does. i know that she is trying to get a reaction out of people as this is the only attention that she has gotten in her life.
i am just tired of her taking things out on my daughter when she is more mad at me because i wont let my daughter hang out with her. my niece started hanging out with one of my daughters friends and she started acting just like my neice. i told my daughter that she could not hang out with that girl either. i am trying to raise all 3 of my kids to be good people, even when they have reliteves like they do.
@anetteh (3590)
• Sweden
7 Mar 09
Hello whitty998, welcome to mylot. 
Wow, some parents seems not bother with their childrens doing.
No effence to Your sister, but I would be very angry if any of my children would behave lite that. It is god that You do react to this. And help Your daughter in this situation. She need an adult to help here or things will get out of hand. You never know what will happen and how this will turn out. Teens and a specially girls can be very nasty to each other, therefore it is god that You keep an eye on this and follow what happen.
I think Your sister needs parenting help, From reading between the lines, I gather she also have problems with her daughter, the behavior must shows indoors to. It can not only be outside. At some point it is easier to give in, but what she really should do is keep on parenting her and let her know who is in charge. And it seems Your sister is in need for help with that.
It is hard to say what to do, but perhaps You could in a nice way help her with that. It sounds like You know what is right and wrong and might be a helping hand. You need to solve the problem and not create more or bigger once with this issue.
This girl need to know who is in charge and start listen and apriciate what she has. Parents do not grow up on a tree.
Wow, some parents seems not bother with their childrens doing. No effence to Your sister, but I would be very angry if any of my children would behave lite that. It is god that You do react to this. And help Your daughter in this situation. She need an adult to help here or things will get out of hand. You never know what will happen and how this will turn out. Teens and a specially girls can be very nasty to each other, therefore it is god that You keep an eye on this and follow what happen.
I think Your sister needs parenting help, From reading between the lines, I gather she also have problems with her daughter, the behavior must shows indoors to. It can not only be outside. At some point it is easier to give in, but what she really should do is keep on parenting her and let her know who is in charge. And it seems Your sister is in need for help with that.
It is hard to say what to do, but perhaps You could in a nice way help her with that. It sounds like You know what is right and wrong and might be a helping hand. You need to solve the problem and not create more or bigger once with this issue.
This girl need to know who is in charge and start listen and apriciate what she has. Parents do not grow up on a tree. 