Married, with roommates?
By maenad
@maenad (46)
United States
March 9, 2009 3:21pm CST
So my husband and I got an invitation to move in with a friend. We currently live in a 2 bedroom apt, which is cozy and we'd didn't think we'd leave until the husband finished with school.
Said friend's parents are buying up a retirement home and wants him and trusted people to rent and help. We're all for this, moving into a huge suburban style home for just a little bit more a month. I just got a higher-paying job, and while things might be a bit tight, there's a lot more space and closer to work. If a 4th roommate comes in, it'll be a lot better, too.
But I'm concerned about living in a house with roommates again. Has anyone ever done anything like this before? I've always been interested in co-housing and the like as well, so stories about that would be great too!
3 people like this
14 responses
@j47lee (740)
• Canada
9 Mar 09
hmm..personally ...i wouldnt want to live with friends.. no matter how close..... sometimes you feel your friend might have a bad habit...and it would be awkward to tell him/her about it.. say they had lunch or food and left the plates in the sink...and then when you use it.. you need to wash it for her/him... or maybe they have friends over late with loud blasting music on...how are you going to tell him/her you want to sleep....
2 people like this
@maenad (46)
• United States
9 Mar 09
Everyone has bad habits, esp me and my husband. And I'm the one most likely to leave plates in the sink. It's my husbands job to do the dishes. And he asked us because he doesn't want loud parties or music, and none of us like those.
I've lived with friends before. I'm an introvert, and it's nice to make sure I'm social that way.
2 people like this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
10 Mar 09
I think I would stay in the cozy apartment until something different comes up and your life circumstances change. There is something to be said for having your own place. It might depend on your personality but most people have some sort of annoying habit.
I am in a situation where I would like to rent out a room and have someone share my house, probably a student so it will be short term. I think I might enjoy it if I get the right person, but it could be hell with the wrong one.
1 person likes this
@maenad (46)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I think it's only in the last century that we haven't had multiple families or boarders sharing a house. The historical books I read are jam-packed with them.
I am hesitant to give up my own place, but it's never felt like our own -- we can't hang anything on the walls, paint or change anything. We'd have more room and freedom, oddly, by moving into this place.
1 person likes this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
10 Mar 09
It sounds like you have already made up your minds. You won't have the same privacy when you want to do the nasty and everyone will hear you late at night. You cannot run around in your nightey and there is probably only one washroom that you will have to line up to in the morning, only to find out your roomies have used all the hot water. All those dirty dishes in the sink soon lose their charm and what's with dropping stuff on the floor when they come in.
Living with room mates might have sufficed when you were single because it was more liberating than being confined to your parent's house. You could come and go as you pleased, but you did not need the privacy as much as now you are married. If you are going to school, it might be ok for short term. Personally I would avoid it.
1 person likes this
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
10 Mar 09
For me it wouldn't work, I'm easy to live with it's just that I like my privacy and I like to be alone most of the time. I have certain routines that I do every morning and evening and I am just not willing to share my space with anyone else, except my kids. I love to have company and having dinner parties in the summer but that's as far as I will go lol For most people living with others works out great and it can be fun when your young and outgoing. You might want to think that if you stay in your place your in that you could save some money to get a house of your own someday as with this new moving in with friends you will be spending more money and not be able to save a lot you could save a little but it might take longer for you to get your own house someday. It is a big step to move in with people because if you find that your not getting along then you have to move and find another place. Maybe you could do it on a trial basis for awhile? I don't know if you can swing that but it might help you in some way decide if you want to do it permanently.
1 person likes this
@maenad (46)
• United States
10 Mar 09
With the agreement we have with his folks, we are able to leave at any time, just as long as we give them notice. And we are staying in a good relationship with this rental company, so if it doesn't work out, we're still in a good position to come back.
The money isn't too much for us. It's actually the amount that we were over-paying our CC bills, and those will soon be paid off. Once the husband gets a teaching position we'll be more than doubling our income.
1 person likes this
@strawberrychocodahi (4818)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
I don't like to be living with somebody else but my hubby. That is why we separated ourselves from his parents and mine and to start our own so that we can be a future family someday.
But i am sure you would be living away with other friends once you have the money to buy your own or rent your own place, because for me, if you are married, it is not wise living with room mates. You will not be comfortable with other people living there as well. It is not a good picture for me.
Anyway, if that is what you want then go on, i can't tell you what you want from not, this is just my own opinion, that i don't like the idea living with somebody else around.
1 person likes this
@maenad (46)
• United States
10 Mar 09
Oh, see, the husband and I are years away from starting a family. We're focused on living above the poverty line right now! This will likely be for two years while he finishes up school and finds a teaching position in a high-risk area. Big houses always seem so empty to me when there isn't enough people living in them.
1 person likes this
@tyopap (48)
• United States
10 Mar 09
My soon to be ex and I had roommates to help with the bills and it worked out nicely. But it doesn't always there are little things that pop up when you live with someone that didn't before, I think I just got lucky that there was never any strife between myself, soon to be ex, or any of our roommates.
1 person likes this
@kaplima24 (111)
• Philippines
10 Mar 09
I would encourage you to just stay alone with your husband for the two of you to have greater bonding where you can express each other's feeling better. If with roommates, you may not go away on the instances where there would be some arguments between you and your husband and it would be awkward to have others hearing those things.
1 person likes this
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
10 Mar 09
Yes I have. And I have one word of advice, NO!My husband and I bought a house. We allowed a friend to live with us after we got married, and it slowly turned into a nightmare from which we still haven't escaped. The friend lived with us for 7 YEARS! He moved out Dec 6, 2008. That was 4 days before my second child was born. Now that he is out, he STILL has his mail and packages delivered here. We are planning on having locks changed. Hopefully not ever one will be unhappy.
1 person likes this
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I am one that I do not play well with others lol lol I can not live with friends my b/f and kids are hard enough to live with lol but even before them I could not live with anyone I have had friends stay with me on and off but none to long I think that they just know me! I am kind of moody sometimes and I vent and some take it that I am yelling about them even though I am not I am just misunderstood thats it!
1 person likes this
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
10 Mar 09
BEing married can really complicate a roommate situation. I would advise against it, no matter how close you are to this friend.
If yo do go ahead with it, please be sure that you have something in writing as to who is responsible for whatso you do not end up getting the short end of the stick. You should also have boundaries and house rules in place to ensure that no on ends up feeling like the home is not theirs too. Believe me, it can and does happen. Even with everything in writing, tensions can rise when you are married and living woth other people. You don't get the same privacy, there is always someone else around, couple time seems to be put on the back burner, and the list goes on.
I cannot think of any time in my life when it was worth it in the long run for me and my spouse to either live with others or to allow others to live with us.
1 person likes this
@maenad (46)
• United States
10 Mar 09
That's what we are planning (we have a few months before we move, after all). A legal contract with his folks, for things like rent and utilities, and then a social contract between the three or four of us to outline rights and responsibilities.
1 person likes this
@celebratelifeh (1142)
• China
10 Mar 09
hello..share house is very popular nowdays. i know much perosn in co-house even before then they are pretty strange. but for me, i do not like to share house with others because i afraid if we living with mixed person, i will worry about the cleaning and do not want to be bothered by this..so i'd rather to pay more rent to sharehouse. have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@maenad (46)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I'm pretty strange myself. The three of us have pretty similar ideas about cleanliness (common areas are kept commonly clean, personal areas don't matter). I'm more worried that I'm going to end up doing the majority of the cooking, since the friend's idea of cooking is all done in the microwave.
1 person likes this
@ank_47 (1959)
• India
9 Mar 09
if u are already married, u can;t share to others .because after marriage u don;t have privacy with u;r husband and u will have more work ,if other person won;t do.
if u are true and close friends also ,u can get ego with each other,if anyone at any time didn;t do any houseworks. u can stay lonely in a small house,if u can;t afford for that rent.
1 person likes this
@maenad (46)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I don't do all the housework as it is! I work more than my husband, so our housework load is fairly even. Mines just more time consuming because doing laundry takes forever when you have to go to a friends house to do it.
I do have privacy with my husband. We understand that we all need alone time. Having different rooms in a house will help with that.
Also, a whirlpool tub. That's a load of privacy there too!
1 person likes this
@dismalgrin (2604)
• United States
10 Mar 09
I don't know, I can see how it would help a little with the way the economy is right now. But, I wouldn't want to have a roommate right now. I feel that as an adult I should be striking out on my own. My sister might be moving in with me after she get's her GED because I live closer to more job oppertunities than she does and she could also help me with my children when she gets off work. That would make my job a lot easier. So, if there are more benifits than restrictions to having roommates I say go for it. But, I wouldn't consider it a long term commitment or anything.
@Devvonn (44)
• Canada
10 Mar 09
During my Collage years, living with a roommate was just something I had to do in order to pay for the house, but thinking about doing it now just seems strange to me. My father once told me that when he was finished school and began work he got his own place with 2 other guys. At first it seemed to be just great but the more he lived with them, the more he wanted to get out. Not sure his exact reasons, but I think a big thing is other peoples bad habits.
