people are sometimes kinder to strangers than to their own loved ones.

I think that familiarity can cause us to under value what we have, as can sometimes been seen in the relationships of siblings, they just end up spending too much time together and the get on each others nerves.

You can include me in this category, i do sometimes act this way, which in no way means i am taking advantage of them or that i dont love them, i can be free with them, be myself with them and they would understand me that even when i am harsh at them, i still love them, but would it be the same when i am to show my anger or frustration to a stranger, anyways...i even did that somtimes for i am a short-tempered person, which lead to unwanted scenes

Yes, it does tend to happen and I feel people are on their best behaviour with strangers, purely and simply because they are just that, and one doesn't know what their reaction would be if you were to show your true colours. With those at home, I think you become so familiar with their little ways, and they with yours, that you're a truer person whilst amongst those you spend most time with. It's just a pity that a certain element of people seem to have double standards, and have to be a different person at home to what they are when they're out amongst strangers or people they don't see so often. Brightest Blessings.

My Mom just commented on this the other day. She noticed that one of my brothers was polite, held the door and was helpful to a store clerk but just before that when he was in the car he was rude and condesending to my Mom. He tends to be like that alot...I'm thinking it's more of a personality trait then anything. [b]~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS**[/b]

There is a reason there. As the husband and wife and the father and child are of the same source there is likelihood of getting things mended even if breaks or appears fissures but with the ones like you mentioned the deal is casual and perhaps once in a life time and naturally the etiquette thing comes to priority and is legitimate too.

That is ve'ry true. The sad thing is that sometimes loved ones are treated like 'second class citizen', whereas friends or strangers are given the red carpet treatment. I always put my family and loved ones as my first priority. Friends are only for casual get together.

I think within our family and friends we are sure of unstinted support no matter what our behaviour is. The son who will ask mom to pick up his dirty socks will gladly bend to pick up the stick of an old lady on the road…the daughter who can be so rude to her parents will be all politeness in the class, no matter how much she may dislike the teacher. Similarly, we all know that we might scream and shout and pull each other’s hair but ultimately it’s the family and we’ll stick together. But with strangers we have to be careful about our words and actions.

Oh!! you are very observant. I can agree with that because I can also see that in my environment. I am just wondering why people are like that. They treat their kids like slaves sometimes, giving threats and commands when they want them to do something.. but they are very patient and kind to deal with other kids or other people rather than their own family members. Maybe because of too much familiarity. it is easy for them to scold and very impatient with their own family members.. than other people. That is not good.. Unhealthy dealings with the family members. I hate to see that existing!!!

Well I guess it's because of too much familiarity among the family members that we can be very much ourselves to them; that we can display even our deepest and negative emotions w/o any hesitations at all. Unlike w/ stangers, we often have to put our best because they are not w/ us in our daily lives and of course nobody would want to have negative impressions from people outside home. We maybe rude at times to our loved ones but let's face it that it's them that we love and value most and being so familiar w/ them includes those nasty actions we do at times.

I always thought that 'charity begins at home'. If you don't love your family members, how could you love anyone else? But amazingly, this is happening. Some people will scream and shout at their children, poor wives/husbands - but are gentle and polite to outsiders. I dislike these people intensely - I don't think it's anything to do with familiarity and contempt. These people want to show the world that they are nice, polite and kind . After all, I suppose their family members won't tell outsiders about their meanness.

Hi sandra, Sometimes its just bordom, I have been married to my husband for nearly 29 years and we never go out together much but when we do, there is not much we can talk about and just do small talk and if we see another face, yes would smile at them or sometime starts talking to them, it does gets a boreing with just the two of you as you do the talking at home all the time that is why I don't go out with him, I normally go out with my friends. Tamara

Hey sandra! I know what you mean! I don't know why it is easier to be more cordial to strangers then it is to our own families. But, it is true! We seem to snap at those that are familiar to us rather then those that we don't really know. It's as if we don't want them to think that we are bad people so we put a fake smile on our face for a minute and then go on about our business as usual. We don't think for a second about snaping at the ones that we love or that love us because we know that they will still love us no matter how we treat them and this is so wrong! Why do we do these things? I wish we all would stop and think about this for a minute? Our families deserve more consideration then strangers and they don't seem to get it!

Hmm, very good question...I know I myslef am not nicer to strangers but I have noticed it. I think it is because our loved ones will love and accept us no matter what and those who don't know us we have to "put on a show" or act kind to so we will gain their approval. Because people thrive on the unknown and what people think of them. Poeple who love them no matter what is better yet not as exciting.

I completely agree with what you're saying. It's really sad that that's the way things are with some people. I think the reason they're like that is because when you get so comfortable with a person you take them for granted. You just assume that no matter what you do, they'll always stick with you because they love you.

How true! I am against this and I feel i should be good to my people first. Why this happens is because people just take their close family totally for granted.THe family members cannot leave them and go away, so they can afford to be as 'badly behaved' as they can.Now, how fair is this?

This phenomena i have been encounter. Maybe because the loved one is too familiar, in front of the strangers, they have to behave kind, maybe this kind is affected,but in front of their loved ones they are too tired to be pretend, so on the face, they are distant, actually, they are close the their loved ones.

I'm not sure that familiarity breeds contempt. I just think it is easier for us to be our true selves to the people we know the best. Strangers won't know we act like an idiot until they get to know us. So, for that brief period we can be who ever we want to be in someone else's mind.

yes i have seen that. in my own family infact. my father never talks good words with us, always on the rude side. but he has a lot of courtsey and belief on some starngers. he never even believe us. thats more shocking because he will believe those strangers and not us, it like anyone can take advantage of this thing then. well i really feel sad, but now i am staying far fro my house for studyng, and still that has made no difference in him

yap.u got to the point what i was wondering. sometimes your half part shouted at u just because he was waiting for u but in other cases ,he'd rather waiting for his customers with no complain. i think the most important reason of all is that he knews u belong to him and the two of u have no benefits in your relationship.so,when u became familiar with each other,there would be no respect exist sometimes..

how right you are. i have a personal experience too. my uncle for instance is so much kind to strangers that it may feel as if the other person is a part of the family. but doing so always is not good. some crooky men and women also live in this world