When is done done?

It's called "Denial". It's something we do to make ourselves stronger for others...for ourselves so we don't break down infront of people and cry or loose it. I've known this man for almost seven years and it wasn't until last Septmeber that we decided we should get together. Over the course of then until now, we've been corresponding and he would call me. The man is stationed in Iraq and has only a few months left for his deployment and then he comes home to his own state. Last month was the first time I met him in real life. There were no battles, no arguing...just ten days of an adult being with me and talking. Well, before he came, I noticed that he was writing less and less...and calling less and less. At first I thought it was because he was so busy and tired and that part is true; but if you really care about someone, you'd give up things to make sure they're happy, right? So, finally I wrote to him basically telling him that I had a feeling he wasn't into me as much as I was him. I was right. So, now that we're "friends" and my heart is broken once again, I can say that what's done is done. I don't think he would have said anything had I not sent out that email. Truthfully, I was so fricken tired of wondering, waiting and trying to figure out what happened between us. Does it hurt? Like h3LL. But, I'm a gentle creature and would never do nor say anything to hurt him...he deserves that. He just wanted us to be friends for probably the right reasons, I don't know. He knows himself and I wouldn't want him to be miserable being with me. Man, that makes me sound...horrible. *lol* *Pleiades

I'm not familiar with your situation, so I'm not sure what to specifically say that could give you direct solace at this moment SaintAnne. But to be general, all I CAN say, is that when we are faced with sadness or hurt in life, all we can do is try as best we can to surround ourselves with whatever positivity we possibly can and keep busy. When we fester with our thoughts, we can become our own worst enemies very quickly. Please try and keep mentally active and look to be around people that are able to lift you. In time, each day will improve just a little bit more over the day before and a time will come when you'll look back on this time and realize that it WAS tough, but you're OK. God bless and please see me as a friend if you ever wish to talk about anything.

When you are finished doing something then it is done. Sometimes I'll be doing something and get tired of doing it before it's done so I quit doing it, but even though I might say "I'm done" the job is not done, and I know that I have to go back to it the next day when I am refreshed. It helps to be able to identify what 'done' is. If you're mowing the lawn then done is when all your grass is neatly clipped. I can tell when bread is done by the smell. Big jobs I break down into segments so that I can have a sense of accomplishment and keep my energy high no matter how long the job takes. Healing is much the same as any job of physical labor. Identify what the state of doneness is and then just keep moving toward that objective on a daily basis. Pamper yourself, be kind to yourself, surround yourself with your favorite colors and anything that helps you feel love, because love is the great healer. Ask yourself "What is the nature of Love where Love seems not to be".

OMG Anne, this sound serious!!! Like many others I don't quite know how to respond responsibly as I have NO idea what the problem even is!!! I can tell you that it will be done when YOU let it go!!!Don't concentrate on the hurt, just concentrate on a thought that you can deal with!!! Find a way to reject the pain. Take care of YOU first & then deal with the rest as you can. Find a way to be happy inside yourself & make the rest deal with your happiness. Doubt that this will make any sense to you, but it works for me!!! Good luck with whatever you're dealing with & know that your friends are here to help you get through it!!! I'm only a heartbeat away if you need an ear!!!

I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting. I've been through some pain myself recently loosing my father, and then having two miscarriages. I can't tell you when you are going to heal, but I know that you will heal eventually, though the scars might always hurt a little when they get bumped now and again. I pray that you will find peace.

Maybe if you learn how to discipline yourself or have self control about decisions in life or in any circumstance you are into, then i guess you will save yourself from more heartache and regret. I think standing firm on your decision will save you too from disappointments. Have you tried a lot of solution to such problem but it did not worked out at all?

Time is the best healer in situations like these and getting our mind of the situations which cause us the pain. It's not easy, but once we get our selves pre occupied with the things we need to get on with, then slowly does done really get done. Wish you all the best.

Not sure exactly where you stand within your life but I know when I am hurting deeply I turn to God. Over the past few days I have been feeling myself becoming very depressed. My oldest child is going away to college in August and he just had his FINAL high school basketball game last Friday. It was one of the saddest days of my life and it has been bothering me ever since. I feel the stress building up inside me and I just can't shake the overwhelming feeling of sadness. I know this is just something that everyone with children will go through at some point and I should be able to deal with it easily. But I am just not ready to let him go yet. Therefore I am finding my strength in prayer. I know that may sound absurd to some but it really does help me. I prayed all the way to work today and I had a much better day than yesterday.

I am sorry Sisi, this has happened. When I face this, now wiser that I am, I try to let go. Its difficult though and takes time but what else can I do. I cannot bark back. That's not me! I have started to expect very little from my people, even my loved ones. And trust me, its helping. You take care dear.

I am so sorry that you have an ouchie. What is that song about not needing the pain? I guess it is over when you decide once and for all to let go. Good luck.