Am I wrong?
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
United States
March 20, 2009 11:26am CST
I have a Facebook account. Most of my family does not live in this area and it's a great way to keep track of my family and keep them updated on my DD's progress in life. I post lots of pics of her so my far away family can still see her.
Anyway, a co-worker of mine has a 15 year old daughter. My co-worker is a friend and the daughter sent me a request to be her friend, which I accepted. I checked out her profile and was horrified to see some of the photos that she had posted of herself. This girl is 15 and she's got pics on her profile that make Victoria's Secret models seem appropriately dressed. This girl has photos of herself in lacy bikinis and lacy undergarments ON THE INTERNET! I didn't say anything to the girl, but instead asked her mom if she knew. The mom knew and is okay with the fact her 15 year old daughter is on display like a side of beef at the butcher's shop. Mom said she knew about it and rather than fight with her daughter over it, she let the pictures stay up.
Um hello? But aren't YOU the mother? Don't YOU have a say in what your daughter did?
My DD is only 10 months old, so I don't have to worry about this type of thing yet. If my DD did open a facebook account, she'd give me her email log in and her password so her father (my DH) and I could check it to make sure she's not doing anything we don't approve of. I'm just floored that the mother KNEW her daughter was posing like this and did nothing to stop it.
Am I just nuts? Do I need to get with the times on problems like this? What would you have done if this was your 15 year old daughter or younger for that matter posting photographs of her in her bra and thong on the internet for others to view?
2 people like this
21 responses
@pickwick (858)
• India
20 Mar 09
Things like moral values and internet safety cannot be taught in a day.Right from childhood one must be taught these values.The girl is trying to seek attention by displaying herself like this.There are many constructive waysof seeking attention.She had to be channalised in the right way much earlier.If my daughter acts like this I will have to talk to her seriously and explain her the negative impacts of such an act.Tell her about how unsafe it is to post such a picture on the net.
2 people like this
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
20 Mar 09
The sad part is that the mother didn't think anything was wrong with her daughter's good intentions on display to anyone with a computer. If the mother lacks basic morals or a backbone and won't stand up to her child, nothing good will come out of this.
@pickwick (858)
• India
21 Mar 09
Children learn by seeing their parents.Whatever the child turns into the credit or the blame goes to the mother.People say its their upbringing.And thats right too.A truly responsible mother sets examples and spends time with the children when they are very young engraining moral values in their minds.Once this is done the daughter will never give her a chance to say that she is doing something wrong.
1 person likes this
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
20 Mar 09
My daughter would have to make a choice: take those pics off and only be without her computer for a month or not have access to her computer until she was 18.
You are right, parents need to fight for somethings and this is one of them. I would buy my daughter a typwriter and a set of encyclopedias so she would have no reason to need a computer.
Crazy.
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
20 Mar 09
There is no way I would allow something like that. We have to be parents and parents have to take control over things like this . We have to care what our kids
are doing , keep them safe , and be able to say NO !
I also have a friend on myspace and I've checked her daughters myspace and it shocks me . With her its more the language she uses , it's trashy talk
Hopefully she has it set to private so at least not everyone can get into it.
You have to check on what kids are doing , even if you have to be a little sneaky , soo what ! It's our job to keep them safe . When my young kids were on
the computer I was in the room. I would walk around them , and keep myself close
by , so they couldn't hide things from me that could get them in trouble .
1 person likes this
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
23 Mar 09
This just adds to my opinion of these sites. I have all the space I need:2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a kitchen and living room.
I think that employers should check the internet, you can learn alot.
1 person likes this
@sbeauty (5865)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Unfortunately there are far too many parents these days who don't want to go to the trouble involved with serious parenting. They want to be friends with their kids instead of parents and opt for the easiest ways around situations. It's really sad, because so many kids are getting messed up by their parents' attitudes. From what I'm hearing I'd say that your daughter has a much better chance of becoming a productive adult. Your co-worker's girlfriend, however, is on the road to hooking up with the wrong people and getting pregnant at a young age. You are right to feel shocked at this kind of behavior. Although promiscuity and poor values run rampant through our teen population, there are still some responsible parents who are trying to do the right thing. It won't make you popular with your kids, but they'll get over it once they mature enough to realize that you actually did them a favor. My son is 27 now, and he often thanks me for the way his father and I brought him up. It's a good feeling and well worth the effort we put into raising him.
1 person likes this
@mammamuh (582)
• Sweden
22 Mar 09
Since you are a friend to the girl on Facebook you can see the pictures. If you were not - you couldn't. So if I was the mother I would check the friends.
I really don't know what to do - but at least my children knows how it all works (they are younger) when it comes to privacy on the Internet and so on.
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
23 Mar 09
Actually I could see her photos before I added her. She goes by her middle name and her facebook name has both her first and middle name. I had to look at the photos to see who it was first before I realized that I knew her.
@ada547612 (203)
• China
21 Mar 09
I think this problem will depend on the affordability of each of Parent and the degree of openness of thought! And if my daughter to do so, I was not allowed, because, I think girls should be the Clean living! Do not know if you think so!
1 person likes this
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
23 Mar 09
I think it all has to do with that and how she's raised. Evidently mama doesn't really care what she does in her free time and that's the problem.
@bookreadermom08 (5614)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I am with you, I would not allow my daughter to pose or do anything like that... I have a 1 yr old daughter and to be honest, hubby and I said our job is basically to keep her from doing exactly what you have seen... I would not put up with that in any way... I hope her mother comes to her senses and realizes she is the mother and that she needs to put her foot down and do what is right.
1 person likes this
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
23 Mar 09
It just floors me that some people see nothing wrong with what this gal has done. The mother was all blase about it. Sadly enough, there were more than one of this girl's friends doing the same thing on their profiles.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
There goes her internet connection and her computer. And she has to use the family one in the living room where I can keep an eye on her. I do not have a daughter but I had sons and they used theirs for University (slow dial up) But i would be angry if I had a daughter and she posted pictures of herself looking like Debbie does Dallas. I guess you could not see what type of girl she was until she joined. I mean, I have a Facebook account myself and it is just my church friends and my family that are on it.
And that mother to think that it was all right for her daughter to dress like a tramp. I guess you can see where she gets her morals from.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
24 Mar 09
I suppose these are the same sort of parents who say that they believe everything that their children tell them, that their children are such little angels, and can do not wrong. We're more sensible, we know what our children are capable of. And I watched enough of Nanny 911 and Super Nanny to know what lengths children will take to fool their parents. So no computer in the bedroom.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8703)
• United States
20 Mar 09
The only thing positive I can say about this is that at least the girls mother knew what was on her facebook.
As far as the mother goes, she is crazy to allow her daughter to display photos of herself like that on the net! Doesn't she realize that there are so many sickos out there~ I think by doing this her daughter is putting herself in danger.
You are not crazy, your coworker is!
1 person likes this
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I'm still just flabbergasted a mother would allow her child to be on display like this. When I put photos of myself or my daughter up on my page, I make sure they are photos I'd show to my priest. If I wouldn't show the photo to my priest, they aren't going online.
@fasttalker (2796)
• United States
20 Mar 09
More proof of my argument that parents lack of monitoring is why there are so many problems with these sites like facebook and myspace. I have an account too. And I admit it I monitor my son and he is 18 years old! LOL But as long as he lives in my house I want to know what is going on. I don't really even check it that close anymore but he has had it for 4 years.
Both of my kids were always a little careless though! They would get off of the computer and leave thier stuff right on the screen. So I would just nose around a little and check things out so I never really needed all their info. But if I had reason to I would certainly get it! LOL
1 person likes this
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I plan on fully monitoring what my child does when she's old enough as well as any future children. There is not going to be a computer in their bedroom. It'll be out in the open such as our dining nook so my DH and I can watch what goes on.
@jesssp (2712)
• Canada
27 Mar 09
Uh, no, you're not nuts. I can't even imagine what I would do if that were my child but I guarantee I wouldn't be OK with it and the pictures would most certainly be coming down one way or the other. I don't even know what to say about that honestly, what the hell is wrong with people? That's your little girl! But I guess since the parent is OK with it then the child has no reason to think there's anything wrong with it, which to me is a very scary situation. How can kids learn right from wrong if there parent's wont teach them?
1 person likes this
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
20 Mar 09
Well If I find out I will sure tell her that if the photos are not deleted I will sure cut out the internet connection as a lesson for her. At 15 she is still a minor and all responsability falls on her parents, she is still young and cannot know who is seeing or using her photos. I think that her mother needs to take action and not accept everything, parents have always monitor what their children are doing on the internet, since it may be dangerous.
1 person likes this
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I'd cut out a lot more than just the internet. I know it's impossible to fully monitor everything your child does now a days unless you lock them in the turret and only let them come down for meals, but just the basic lack of compassion here from the mother is disturbing. I believe that the mother should stand up to her daughter. It's just that so many parents now a days want to be their child's friend rather than their authority figure. You can be your child's friend, but first and foremost you are in charge.
@Ramsay (130)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
sounds to me like that mom should be having a serious discussion about the dangers of the internet. Either that or the mom is not well informed herself. Maybe the daughter has told her that only friends can see it, who knows, maybe the mom doesnt know how the internet works.
In any case, that girl is making herself a target for undesireable people and her mom needs a wake up call.
1 person likes this
@reneh2o (87)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Uggh, that is so sad..I remember I use to dress sexy when I was 13 and 14 and looking back I can't believe my parents didn't make me change..I have 3 little girls now and I will never let them do things like that..There are too many pervs and wierdos online. Are you good friends with this mother? I mean you have to respect her decisions b/c she's the mother but Im wondering if there is something you can say to her to kind of make her aware of how dangerous that is??
1 person likes this
@MysticTomatoes (1053)
• United States
23 Mar 09
I have tried. She works with me in law enforcement so she knows the ins and outs of childhood crimes as we both work at the same job, but she thinks its cute or funny actually. My mother wouldn't let me out of the house in anything less than jeans and a modest shirt when I was that age. I could put on a bathing suit, but my mother had to pick it out and it had to provide modesty for my good intentions. No string bikinis here.
@momoftwo (94)
• United States
20 Mar 09
You are not wrong! the internet has changed the way we parent. I would not want my child to post any inappropriate pictures or statements and would do everything I could to prevent it. My oldest is 7 and does play on the computer (games), but not without me. Although she is young, I want her to learn the proper ways to use the internet. How to react when unknown people try to start a chat with her, what information you can share and what you shouldn't use. I am hoping by teaching her the do's and don'ts now, and being open and honest with her... she will have enough respect for herself and this will not be an issue in the future.
Although I would not tell someone how to raise their child. Those pictures could really hurt the 15 year old if not now, later in life when she starts looking for a job. It doesn't sound like mom or daughter realizes how many employers screen people via facebook and more importantly... how many child molestors are out there posing to be a 15 yr old. It's too scary.
1 person likes this
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
Your reaction is just normal to me. I will be horrified as well. Allowing your daughter to post pics that are almost naked is like helping her yourself to be exploited. I don't know if we are just conservative and your co-worker is just really liberated but still it seems so wrong. I will never allow my daughter to do that, I might remove the pictures myself.
1 person likes this
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
20 Mar 09
That's insane. I can't imagine any mom I know ever saying they'd rather let that stuff stay on the internet than get into a fight with their daughter. It's a parents job to protect their child. With all the predators out there, especially online these days, that's SO not protecting the child. It's leaving her for the wolves to feast on, and they will.
1 person likes this
@hiddenwing (3719)
• China
21 Mar 09
when those high up do not set a good example, the subordinates cannot be expected to behave well. Apparently, there is something wrong with the girl! Her mom didn't teach her well on priciple
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
21 Mar 09
There is no way that I would allow my daughter, or son to post pictures like that on the web. I agree with you, if my kids have any on-line accounts, Iwould have the passwords and user names. If I didn't like what was posted, I would personally take it off. Things like that are out there forever. One of these days, it is going to come back and bite that girl in the rear. I just hope that it isn't in a way that will cause her physical harm. What mother in her right mind would even consider this okay?
1 person likes this
@rosemarierealino (184)
• Philippines
21 Mar 09
Hmmp...As a mother, one of your roles is to protect your child's privacy. Showing their private pictures is some kind against their right. Even though the child itself is the one doing that but you the mother has the power to stop that crazy things.
@kingdomluvr (2)
• United States
21 Mar 09
No not at all you were very right. I would have went thru the roof and my daughter would have lost her access to facebook along with having to delete her own account in front of me so I know it was gone forever.
