uncalled for or am I over reacting?
@okkidokitokki (1736)
United States
March 20, 2009 3:51pm CST
My family found out Monday that my 2 year old cousin was going to have surgery to remove a tumor on Wednesday. I immidiatly called work and arranged to trade shifts with another worker so that I could leave Tuesday evening with other family members to go to the hospital 2 hours away from where we live. We were going to get a room for the night at a hotel and go to the hospital early the morning of the surgery to be with the baby and her mom and dad.
We were told that the sergery was going to take about 2 hours and so we were planning to come home Wednesday evening, after she was in recovery. 3 hours after the surgery started to doctors came and told us that they were not even halfway through. It turns out that the tumor had grown into her spinal colum and to remove it was going to take very tedious and slow work. My family decided that they were going to spend another night.
I called the suporvisor on call at about 4pm to explain what was going on. Because she is not my direct suporvisor I explained about the sergury and my location and that I would not be able to make my shift the next day, like I was schedualed for. She told me that "since you are in a waiting room not doing anything" I needed to call and find my replacement.
I was very nice about this, and asked who she suggested that I call. At first she told me that she did not know of anyone who could cover for me and to call the other desks to see if any of their employees could work and then she suggested one person. Knowing that she has the number of ALL of the employees I asked for the number of a few people that I know and she told me that I would have to call the desk I normally work at and get that info.
My problem is that I have been worrking at this job for 2 years and I have never called in saying that I could not cover my shift. I have traded shifts with people but those were always in advance. I have also covered many shifts on short notice and even no notice and have never complained. I also know that in family emergengies the suporvisors generally (actually always) find the replacement to come in and cover the shift.
I want to file a formal complaint about the callous words, I may have been in a waiting room but I was not "doing nothing."
What would you do? I need advice.
4 people like this
18 responses
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Were you able to find someone to cover your shift? Do you have a department you can go to when you get back that you can discuss this in private with and then decide if you want to report it. Discuss it without bringing up names, as not to cause a problem.
How did the surgery turn out for the little one?
Have a great weekend.
That was very nice of you to go and be by your relatives side through out the surgery.
1 person likes this
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I was able to cover my shift. I will be able to talk to my suporvisor about it informally and we can go from there, I work in a place that is close knit and so even if I was to not mention names it would be obvious, I am not so worried about that, this particular suporvisor is not a popular one.
Our girl is still in ICU this morning, they are going to keep her there until she can hold down food. We are all hoping that they will keep her there for atlease one more day becasue they will keep her sedated and calm. If she is not sedated then she will get out of bed and play, and so the doctors are tring to balance her need to be a child with her need to be still and heal.
Her cancer at 18 months brought my family together, we are a real family now instead of people who talk to each other on holidays. I belive that anyone who has gone through what we have would become closer and would o all they could to be there.
Thank you for your thoughfulness
1 person likes this
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
22 Mar 09
Thank you for letting us know how the little one is doing. I hope they got all of the cancer, will she have to go through radiation and chemo? That is a tough thing for anyone to have to go through. We wish her the best outcome, and a speedy recovery.
I am glad that you have someone that you are able to talk with, to help you decide what to do. Sometimes ruffling feathers is just not worth the trouble it could cause. And if she is not well liked, she could be vindictive, one doesn't need that.
Good luck.
Hugs
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
23 Mar 09
This tumor is not cancerous, but she has gone through chemo and radiation. This tumor grew from what was left of the cancerous tumor.
This is something that she will have to deal with her entire life. The doctors say that because of the radiation she may have to have corrective sergury on her spine. It has weakened the bones.
But she will be fine, God will take care of her.
@nikky28 (1572)
• India
21 Mar 09
I am just wondering if you have called up your friends at work and request them to cover up for you. It is quite callous of your supervisor to say that one does nothing in a hospital. Maybe you should call some other person who can help you better and also you could try reasoning out with your supervisor again. I think that she would reconsider her words if you explain to her why they need you in the hospital. If nothing else works call the one who is superior to the supervisor and explain about your situation. I wish that the baby gets alright soon.
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I was able to cover my shift. After I called everyone I could think of (only 1 didn't answer the phone) I was about to call and tell her that I could get ahold of no one, the person that didn't answer called me back and told me she would work it for me. I really have the best co-workers anywhere, this same person came in today just to check on the little one.
Honestly, my suporvisor was going to be one mad lady if I was unable to get someone to cover because she would have had to do it her self, I had no ride back to town (I was 2 hours away)
1 person likes this
@EvrWonder (3571)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
I agree with Benny. Your cousin is family. Family is first and foremost, over anything.
I feel it was rather callous of your supervisor also and shame on her for being so reckless in this trying time!
By now, your cousin is out of surgery and I am wishing the very best for her.
I too would file, lodge a formal complaint, for sure.
If you work for a Union, let them know of whats going on also. I would make a complaint to the head office. i would call them and verbally complain but also write a letter there after,
I am sorry for you that you have had to experience this type of behavior during this trying time for you and your family.
@LCHBheart (167)
• Singapore
21 Mar 09
Instead of focusing on your supervisor, maybe it's best to focus on possible replacements if there are any more emergencies. Then you'll know who your true friends are. As for your supervisor, there is always such things as karma.
1 person likes this
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
21 Mar 09
This is great advice. I will do that because although due to the nature of her health issues there is never much more than 3 days notice I can put my co workers on alert.
Thank you I had not thought of this.
@Eve_Olution (13)
•
20 Mar 09
:O!
How Incondiderate Of Her.
I Think You Should File A Complaint, But Seeing The Way She Treats You When Your Having A Crisis, If Nothing Happens After You Complain, Then Your Goind To Be Treated Even Worse.
You Should Probably Ask A Family Member Or Possibly Even A Co-Worker And Ask Them What They Would Do, Since They Work With You And Know What It's Like.
Anyway, Best Wishes For Your Cousins I Hope She's Okay
1 person likes this
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
20 Mar 09
After 8 hours in surgery they got most of the tumor, she was diagnosed with cancer at 18 months and this tumor grew off of what they radiated. the first biopsy showed that it was not cancer but we are waiting on results from the tumor before we know more. She will be in ICU until tommorow at the earliest.
She is a trooper. God will take care of her. Thank you for your thoughts.
1 person likes this
@suestory56 (8)
• United States
21 Mar 09
If I were to find myself in a simular situation, I would fist go to my supervisor and ask for the standard operating procedure (SOP) when calling in sick. I would then ask for the SOP for finding a replacement if I was the one required to find one. I would then want the SOP for getting the names and numbers of folks that can be contacted (that is if I was the one who was expected to contact him/her.
I keep coming back to what a person is supposed to do and what my suppervisor is suppoeed to do.
Hope that helped.
Sue
1 person likes this
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
21 Mar 09
It did help thank you very much (I need all the perspective on this I can get becasue I am very unhappy as to how I was treated and I want to respond profesionaly). But I know the standard procedure, it is to call for your own replacement.
But I did not call in sick. I called in a family emergengy, and there is no standard procedure written for that (I edited the manuel for grammar and punctuation). But what I have witnessed over the past 2 years (and there have been several occasions that I have witnessed and covered for) is that the suporvisor takes care of it for you so that you can take care of your family.
Thank you again
1 person likes this
@suestory56 (8)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Then I would then ask for the standard operating procedure for requesting time off for a family emergency. I used to work for the federal govenment and we had SOPs for every situation :-).
1 person likes this
@dnatureofdtrain (5273)
• Janesville, Wisconsin
21 Mar 09
I would have been just as upset as you, but also tried to call a replacement if I could... As far as doing nothing... I would have said doing nothing? I am in here praying for my cousin as I wait.. but that is just me I do not recommend others to get mouthy with their bosses... But I also do not think tis right when a boss knows someone is in the hospital waiting room for such a family health related event to expect you to find your replacement either.. But maybe ask another coworker too .. or you could call another worker see if they could find one for you...
I hope the surgery goes okay you are in my prayers and thoughts and your cousin is too.
- DNatureofDTrain
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
21 Mar 09
My first instinct was to go off on this person but for some reason when you have spent all day talking to God these urges are easily squished.
Thank you for your prayers, I know God listens. Our little one is doing goood this morning, hopefully she will be home next week.
@snowy22315 (180399)
• United States
20 Mar 09
I think you needed to make sure your cousin was OK. You cant be two places in one time so I wouldnt worry too much about the work situation. That is the way that
people are today, they expect too much and want to blame you for everything. It is somehing that is too bad and too stressful. I think there are some people that last and have lasting grudges forever.
1 person likes this
@suzzy3 (8341)
•
21 Mar 09
I think this woman needs to think it could be her family that might be so poorly.I don't think you can do anything about what she said as it is your word against hers.I do hope your little cousin is ok how awful for you all,especially your aunt.Work is important but so is your family especially in these circumstances,Some people are just made of stone.xx
@agrim94 (3805)
• India
12 May 09
Well you may be in waiting room but ur going through hell and dont need another hell from the job. I know how tense people are when someone close to them is under the knife of the surgeon. Not doing anything???? well you are doing something more important and that is give courage to the mother of the little child. i think family is first priority and if someone cant adjust a duty shift for that and also not only not adjust but is actually rude about it well then you dont have to do anything and have faith in man upstairs.. he would one day put her in same position and then you can show how kind you are by helping her out and shame her for her deeds. No other punishment is better than shaming someone who is rude to you by your act of kindness.
@mommaj (23112)
• United States
21 Mar 09
Sorry to hear about your cousin and your family's experience. As far as what to do about work realize if you say anything you can be treated worse or be fired. If the woman has no authority over you then tell your supervisor what happened. The woman could have been having a bad day herself. It was her job that she wasn't doing so you can report her and hope for the best.
@yambucket (95)
• United States
4 May 09
Heh, Ooooh I know who this is. And I think she should be fed curdled milk. That was wrong, very wrong and unprofessional in a million ways.
@davidbenjamin (147)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Idon't think you are over reacting! Defintely not as for advice if i was in that situation i'd pull a tantrum and probably quit! But i have been known to quit many jobs this way, i'm highly emotional and have no problem burning bridges. So i guess you could quit or suffer in silince :)
@okkidokitokki (1736)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I love it lol
I am thinking about a different summer job because this summer she would be my boss. And then come back to work when the normal shifts start again. My husband sayed what you did only more adult content.
I am going to talk to my boss when she gets back and go from there, but I have a feeling that I will not have to work much with the unprofesional one very often any more.
@lisa0502 (1724)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
I myself would go to the next person in charge and make a complaint about this person. If they had had the same personal experience they would not have put up with that. You needed to be there for your family in a time of need. There is just no room for ignorance.
@MissAmie (717)
• United States
21 Mar 09
I don't know if you're in the US, but if so, I believe this qualifies as an absence under the Family Medical Leave Act. The only thing that might trip you up is that the family member has to be immediate family and I'm not sure a cousin would count.
Your supervisor was an a** about the situation, but sadly, there's not much you can do about it. As another responder said, you could report her to her supervisor and then just move up the chain of command. Before you do that, get all your ducks in a row. Be able to tell them, "I worked for such and such with no notice on this date, I worked over to help with ___ on this date..."
Be able to give them specific examples of when you were there to help out the company and the one time you needed some time, you were treated badly.
I hope everything works out for you. In this economy jobs are so hard to get, so try to hang on to the one you have. At the very least, don't cause any bug waves until you have a back up plan.
@katebell (80)
•
21 Mar 09
thats horrible your boss need to get a heart it would be a differnt matter if it was there own family. family comes first not work dont let them get away with it you should be able to take a day or 2 off for a family emergence it you right.
p.s i hope your cousin is ok and gets better soon.
