bread winner of the family
By eabaterina
@eabaterina (501)
Philippines
March 21, 2009 1:40am CST
i have a boyfriend and he loves his parents so much but i cannot seem to like his father. the father does not have any work, he sometimes drive a pedicab and only gets a few passengers per day. my boyfriend's sister pays for the house rent and i guess their mother pays for the water and electricity if not the sister. my boyfriend sends money to them every month and this morning, i heard the father asking for money from the mother and i dislike the father even more. i always believed that the father should be the bread winner of the family, not the one asking for money from his wife or kids. if the kids are earning, they can give a little monetary support once in a while but i don't think they should be obliged to support the parents unless they can no longer earn a living for themselves. i love the mother because she is so kind and patient but i don't really like the father. i don't know how to tell my boyfriend about my dislike for his father because for him, he loves his father no matter what. the sister is not in speaking terms with the father ever since they had an argument. please share your thoughts regarding bread winner of the family and how to deal with in-laws you really do not like (we are planning to get married and i dread having a father-in-law like him)
2 responses
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
27 Mar 09
Like you said, your boyfriend loves his dad and he might be helping out his family willingly. I think you should love his dad too as your father in-law. Don't you think your boyfriend will love the way you think of his father? If this will become a bigger issue, trust me, he will choose his dad over you in a heartbeat. Difficult as it may seem but i think you should just learn to accept the way things are. His parents may not be here for long and it's just proper to give them what they want or at least help them. I hope you are aware too that his father driving the pedicab is not something your boyfriend wants you to see yet he presented you his family. A little more sensitivity from you is all your boyfriend must be wishing now. For his sake, can you do it?
1 person likes this
@modstar (9605)
• Philippines
3 Apr 09
It's a relief to know you took my response positively. It's a sad thing you know. His father kind of not accepted by you and your boyfriend not being accepted by your dad. I wonder how it will be if your dad is finally going to meet his dad. To make things less complicated, acceptance, i guess should start from. Just imagine the pressure your boyfriend has to carry on his back. You wouldn't want him to carry the burden alone right?
@eabaterina (501)
• Philippines
3 Apr 09
yeah i know, =( i kinda let him know in a subtle way how i feel about his dad and he asked "what if i will treat your father like that too?" he has a point. i love how he tries to be in good terms with my dad even if my father does not like him for me. =( and for his sake, i am trying to be civil with his dad. i do not want us to fight or split just because i do not like his dad. his father used to cheat on his mother in his younger days and that is why i also do not like him a lot. my boyfriend forgave his dad, but there was a time they came close to a fistfight. anyway, thank you for your advice. i am such a lousy girlfriend for thinking this way. i will just have to accept them as they are. thank you modstar
@sinokirin (900)
• China
22 Mar 09
A thorny problem. i suggest you dont want to change it painstakingly,i means,it might hurt your relationship,even influent the love emotion of your boyfriend(husband soon)and yours,as what you said, he love his father no matter what.
Something would change if there must do,so, take it easy. What you need to think it over is how to live better with your husband in fulture. As long as working hard,you both would be happy.
Good wishes.
1 person likes this
@eabaterina (501)
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
thanks sinokirin, I know some people do not like their in-laws in one way or another but I will not let it get in between me and my boyfriend. Thanks! =)
@eabaterina (501)
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
thanks sinokirin, I know some people do not like their in-laws in one way or another but I will not let it get in between me and my boyfriend. Thanks! =)
