When does the parent of grown children get to stop feeling guilty

Some people never learn. You should probably not be around to pick up the pieces. I have someone living with me right now, who seems to have had repeated issues with responsibility thouout his life and I am enabling him again, I am sure, but he has no where else to go nor anyone else to help so here I am.

If they are grown, they are adults and responsible or should be. Many times helping a grown adult out of a mess they made themselves just enables them to continue to do the same thing over and over again. This is not helping but hurting. If you can not respectfully voice your opinion without backlash, they do not sound very open to suggestion or very respectful of your opinion. They can surely disagree with you. That is an adult right. Oh, about feeling guilty, I guess you have to look at why you feel guilty. Do you feel like you missed something when raising them?

This is a hard question for me to help with. I was 21 when I moved out of my mom's home. I have to admit that I paid her rent to help with the bills. I did not have to but did. My mother has helped me several times getting my life in order in more than one way. I however, never made my parents feel guilty and would have understood if they could not help me. My daughter is now 18 and still living with me. She has not been able to get a full time job in this economy but she is trying. She also helps me around the house and pays for her own little bills. Since she doesn't clear a lot of money she can't give money to the house. I do have to admit that there are some kids that just drain you financially as well as emotionally. I have a girlfriend who's son is over thirty years old and still lives at home. I am sorry to say that some times you just have to draw the line. My daughter loves to give me the silent treatment when I disagree with her but as long as I get to express my opinion I am ok. Some people need what is called tough love and you just have to stand by your words. My mom is very good at making me feel guilty but aparently I did not learn how to make my daughter feel guilty. We eventually work things out. I am sure that once you put your foot down and the shock wears off that you actually said no to helping them things will work out. I also think that if we keep bailing our kids out of trouble they don't learn nothing and we will enable them. Maybe even make it so they can not take care of themselves. I know it is hard to say no to our kids expecially when they are in trouble but at time it is needed.

I'm 16, and believe that a parent shouldn't feel responsible for their kid after 18. That's when the kids are adults, and have to vouch for themselves. I'm not saying you should leave your kind on their own after 18. I'm just saying don't feel guilty. If your kid is doing wrong, then tell them in a correct way, with love. Once you do that, then you've done your job and it is up to them. In the end, it's their choice to do right or wrong. But feeling guilty won't help, at all, so there's no reason for that anyway.

As the parent of grown children you have a choice and you make it based on the following: Did you raise your children to the best of your ability? If the answer is yes, that you tried hard and did the best you could at the time then stop feeling guilty. Your children are adults now and that means that they make their own dicesions, if they mess up it is not your problem, you did the best you could, you gave them a good foundation the rest is up to them. The only other thing I know to tell you is to not voice an opinion unless asked. I know it is hard. Perhaps instead of telling them you could use the opinions to start disscusions here on Mylot, you could get feed back that will help you vent and stay in the loop with your kids. As long as you make the situations hypothetical then you are not airing family laundry.