Before or After Marriage?

In our country children before marriage is a curse. No one will accept it and will just trouble those who did. Even I personally think that a couple should marry first and after being financially stable to serve food for there children they should plan for a baby. Should care each other and there baby after marriage too.

Hi there SomeCowgirl I'll answer your questions first in the order they were asked. 1. Did you wait to get married before having children? My first two children I was married before I got pregnant.. But then again I got married when I was 19 then got pregnant when I was twenty and had my first child a few weeks before I turned 21. 2. Did you wait until you were financially ready to have children? All my children were not planned. I have to say this one is never financially ready to have kids and to think that you can be is, well you'll find out.. Just like timing you can time it perfect to have a child. Life throws things at us and you have to just run with it. If you want for the perfect time and for you to be financially stable you'll see that the oppurtunity never really presents itself or when it does you aren't able to anymore. Don't depend on whether or not the ducks are in a row so to speak. 3. Did you struggle financially after having children? There is financial struggle with or without a kid. Will I say that it was harder no. It's all about knowing how to get the deals and knowing how to stretch that almighty dollar. There have been times where the struggle has been there (like when one of us gets laid off ) but there are times when there isn't struggle. But keep in mind that there is help out there if you need it. [b] 4. Did you struggle to learn how to be a good parent?[/b] Learning to be a good parent is a constent.. You always learn and you can always improve on it. The learning is a never ending process. Face it we weren't given a manual on the child when the child was born I will say a lot of it is instinct and mostly common sense. I think that we all will continue to learn even when we're helping out our kids with our grandkids. 5. Did you live with family other then a spouse and other children? When I moved back from Kansas me and my ex lived with my Gram for a bit until he left and I stayed and went to college and got a job to support the family that I had I then moved out and haven't moved in with any family. I didn't move in with my gram because we planned on having her help it was more of we came back from Kansas after he got discharged and had no place to go and gram was kind enough to take us in. I want to close that their really is never a perfect time to have a child. You merely have times when it may be more feasible thats all. You're never really prepared and you're never really finacially set unless you want to sacrifice not being able to enjoy and spend time with that child because the older you are the less you can do with the child.

If you wait to be financially ready, you will be waiting forever. I have 4 children and am still waiting to be financially ready:) My son is in this situation. He girlfriend is living with him. She is pregnant. The first question from all the relatives was when are they getting married. I told them they aren't, but did I get a surprise when my son proposed to her! They decided to get married before the baby is born to make it easier with paperwork. They will have a big wedding after the baby is here. I was married when I had my first child. We didn't wait to be financially ready, as I said earlier~ we'd still be waiting. We did struggle a little bit. My husband worked 2 jobs and I worked one. We lived in a house we purchased when we were married. I wouldn't be able to live with any relatives and have a new baby. It was bad enough having all the company that would just stop by to see the baby.

1. Did you wait to get married before having children? yes. i'd wait till i get married before i'd have kids. This is so that my child would be able to have a proper legal full family. 2. Did you wait until you were financially ready to have children? I think i'd wait till we're financially stable to get married. And then having children. I want to give my kids the best. 3. Did you struggle financially after having children? well, i can't answer this as i'm neither married nor have kids. 4. Did you struggle to learn how to be a good parent? [b]i think my parents did struggle to LEARN how to be a balanced parent to me. But at times i still feel that they are both very VERy controlling. Too paranoid about the world and stuff. Since i'm at the receiving end, i think i won't go so hard on my kids.[/b] 5. Did you live with family other then a spouse and other children? [b]Well, my mum has advised me before to not stay with in-laws. It's best to stay alone. You, your spouse and the children. Moreover i've seen many cases of families getting into unnecessary fights because familiarity breeds contempt.[/b]

Having kids outside of wedlock is a personal choice for many people who just want to be a mom. She may not want to be saddled with a husband to clean up after. Just plainly speaking some people don't want to be married for whatever reason, but still want to have children. It is a fallacy that a mom has to be married to be a great mom. I didn't have a father in my life. My mom was married when she conceived me and when she had me. I was just under 2 years old when my parents split up. My dad never even sent me a birthday card or a Christmas card. He never called me either. He married and had other kids and forgot about me. My mom worked and took care of me. My granny and Grandpa helped to take care of me when my mom would work to take care of us. So I don't think marriage can corner the market on being the only way to have well adjusted kids. I don't blame women for not wanting to get married and having kids. Half or more than half of marriages end anyway, so unless you are committed to living your life married and not screw the kid up with divorce, then stay single and raise the kid as best you can. I was not screwed up because of my mom, but I was screwed up because my dear old dad didn't care enough to help take care of me, or even send me a note once in a while.

Well i am going to answer these in the order that you asked them. 1. I did not get married before having children & i didnt mind that at all b/c my kids got to be at my wedding. 2. We were definatly not financially ready to have kids when we did. Well with my second daughter, we were, but not with my first. My husband did not have the best job, we didnt have a house or rent a house at that time, & neither of us had a savings account. But everything worked out. I got WIC which helps low income mothers get formula, rice cereal, & milk. It was an excellent source. 3. For my first daughters first year we struggled a little, but then my husband got a better job, & everything was looking up. We bought a house, & could pay all of our bills. 4. I believe every parent struggles while learning how to be a parent. You just have to set rules for your child & yourself & stick with them so they know you mean business. Parenting comes naturally after you have the little bundle of joy in your arms. Hope that helped you.

Ok. Well, first, let me say that I originally planned to be married before conceiving a child. But, her father and I were deeply in love, financially stable, and on birth control.....So, I planned to be married before the birth of my first child.....had the marriage license, church reserved, reception planned. Then, he got in trouble and went to jail....So, now, we plan to be married before conceiving a SECOND CHILD.....lol. To be honest, that is all true. But, currently, I am a single mommy, my daughter is the child of an incarcerated father, and I am definately struggling. He was the one making the money, paying the bills. I was the one staying home, taking care of our home. Then when he went to jail, it was a sock in the chest. I am currently living with family. My parents. Technically, we have our own apartment, in their upstairs...but its still in their house. I am currently unemployed but searching avidly. And, I am a great mother. I am extremely attentive, extremely loving and extremely devoted. Kudos for making sure you are completely and entirely ready before jumping into parenthood, just please know that some are taking the necessary precautions to be able to make love without becoming parents too soon, but, sometimes, thats not enough!

Well... the best laid plans and all that.... and life is what happens when you're busy making plans. I have to say that since religion really doesn't mean anything to me, I don't feel that it matters. Even if it DOES matter to someone else, it is very intolerant and judgemental to say it does, since the main objective is a solid loving secure home/family, which does not require marriage. Marriage is a legal contract, it does not make or break or define anybody's love or commitment. I get a much worse impression of people who claim you have to do anything in a certain order or adhere to certain 'standards' in order for them to 'accept' you lol. That is a bunch of bull. If you choose to live that way, that is fine, you are putting YOURSELF in a box. I don't care what you do, but to project your issues onto other people, that is not fair, respectful, nor okay, I mean you wouldn't want ME projecting MY ideas of right and wrong on you, correct? General you, not you you . Thank goodness we are all free to CHOOSE differently. 1. I did not 'wait' because our daughter was a happy surprise while on vacation. It was actually perfect timing although I didn't know it at the time. I had been trying unsuccessfully with my ex husband for YEARS prior, and I had just gotten together with my current hubby - although we were not married yet. If it makes a difference to anybody shaking their heads, the INTENTION to get married was there, and we are married NOW. 2. We were financially secure at the time so I guess the answer to this question is yes. 3. There have been times of plenty and times where we had to be more careful, right now the economy is messed up, which is ONE of the reasons we are not having any MORE children. The other reason is that we do want to retire some day 4. Not really. After you've been planning and ready to have kids for more than 10 years, when you finally get one you're really just so over the moon. It IS a learning process though, by the time you get used to one stage it seems they are on to something else. Anybody who says their kids learn more from them than they learn from their kids is probably wrong lol. 5. Yes and no. My MIL lived with US for awhile and it was a disaster. I do not advocate either living WITH other people if you're engaged or married or allowing other people to live WITH YOU - unless the boundaries are drawn so none of you interfere in each other's business. I REALLY don't intend to sound mean by saying this - I just had a very awful experience - and many people I know have had awful experiences. Sometimes parents or in-laws attempt to take over, or they treat you (as an ADULT) as if you're 12 years old. It is disgusting, rude, and disrespectful, and they really ought to butt out and treat you more as if you were a roommate and they have no stock or say in any decision YOU make concerning YOUR life. If there are clear boundaries which are respected on both sides, and you are happy with the arrangement, I do think it can work, but I really haven't seen too many situations where everybody is happy. Having your own space and independence and freedom tends to become more important after you have a child or children. It's important anyway but when you consider it, after a child you are now a new family, and you have the right to privacy, starting and enjoying your own traditions and your own way of doing things. Often with other people around, you end up feeling like you have to get their approval, or they disapprove of various things you do, and either way that is a negative point against you being able to have your own life - which is what you should have as a new family. Your focus at that point should be making YOURSELVES happy, not making other folks in your life happy (parents, in-laws, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc). I know I have strong views about this but I REALLY don't want to see anybody experience even a fraction of what I've experienced. I have had bad experiences with roommates and the bad experience with my MIL, and honestly, I wouldn't wish EITHER of those on my WORST ENEMY EVER, much less EVER want to hear about a friend or someone I care about going thru it!! Good luck to you!

Well I am a teenager right now and of course I was born after the marriage of my parents. I would hate to be a chikd of unmmarried parents they they can leave each other anytime and besides the society which I live in right now won't consider it good to have children before marriage. And I personally think that a person should only have children after marriage and not before marriage as its against every religion and there is a religion cause we are a part of it. God made man and women to marry and then only beget the offsprings not before marriage.

It is always good to have childrren after marriage. Here are the answers for your questions. 1. Yes. I waited to have kids only after marriage. 2. Yes. I am waiting to be financially good to havekids. 3. I don't want to struggle financially after marriage. 4. I don't know. I am yet to go through that. 5. I live with my husband. My husband and I are waiting to be financially good to have kids. But, we are staying alond and we don't prefer staying with parents. I don't think even parents will prefer staying with us.

My original plan was to get married, buy a house, and travel overseas once before having a child. But things change. I ended up pregnant with my first child. Then the question about marriage popped up from a family member. They wanted me to get married before having the baby. I really had to think about that very carefully. I questioned myself if I wanted to get married because I was having a child or did I want to get married because I loved the father of the baby. It took me couple of months before I decided that I wanted to marry the father because I loved him. One thing for sure, I didn't want to marry him just because of the baby. When people heard that we were engaged to get married, they thought we were only getting married because of the baby and thought that the marriage would not last. For me personally, marriage was not that important to me at the time. I wanted to have my baby first, we christened him all before we thought about plans on getting married. We then had our second child and finally bought a house. I will admitt that it has been a struggle both financially and mentally. Parenting is not an easy thing. I certainly try to be a good parent but it is hard to bring the best out in the children when there are outside influences on the children. That is a struggle. It does get harder as children grow up and the outside influences becomes stronger. I feel that all I can do is try my best to be a good parent even if it means that I have to be evil in my children's eyes. One thing for sure is parenting is learn as you go thing. You can have expectations. I did have expectations on how I would raise my kids and how they will behave. My expectations have not been met and really these days, I don't think my children will be the way I would them to be. This doesn't mean that I have failed as a good parent. After all, the only thing I can do, is learn and try to be the best I possibly can and guide my children to do the right thing and hope that my children will be alright. One thing I do remember, my children will never understand why I had raise them the way I have. They will never understand why I look so evil and a bad mother to them. The time, they will understand everything will be the day they have children of their own. I never understood why my parents raised me the way they did until I had my own children. Always expect the unexpected. Life may not always go according to plan. If it does, you are certainly one of the lucky ones. Even when you do become ready to have a child, you are never really truely ready for what lies ahead. Babies change things. Even when I was ready for my second baby, the baby changed things around. Today my kids are 14 and 9. I have alot to learn still from my children about life. There will be more unexpected events. So my journey as a parent will continue. My husband and I may not be rich. We struggle day by day, week by week. The only thing that we are rich in is love we have for our children. Good luck with your own futures, I do hope that your plans do work out. But if they don't, ride it through as it is an experience. When you do have a baby, planned or not, it will change your world so much.

I don't think it's that big of a deal. My mom and dad weren't together and I turned out fine. My husband and I were married for about a half a year before we had a baby. To answer your questions: 1. Yes we were married before we had our daughter. 2. No matter what, no one will ever be finacially ready to have children. 3. Things are tight, but we make do. 4. This is my first child, but it comes naturally. 5. No, it's just my husband, me, our daughter, my step-daughter, and my nephew. (My nephews mom is one of those moms who shouldn't be parents.) Like I said, no matter what you will never be financially ready to support a child. But they are blessings and money doesn't matter when you have that sweet face looking up at you.

1. Yes 2. Yes, of coz. I don't risk my childern's life. 3. Don't know yet. But I must be planned well before I give birth. 4. I like being a good parents is so natural. My parents are great and they even didn't learn how to be parents when they were young. 5. No. I live with my husband only. Living with parents-in-law is another knowledge we can hardly have very well.

1.Indeed,I still think we should get married then have a child.In our contry,there are many difficulties about the non-child born in wedlock. 2.At the beginning, i plan to have a child until we have a few house loan.but now,i must change it,because i have nothing to do except to have a baby now. 3.After having children,both my hubby and i will be more busier to earn money to feed them up. 4.I will learn how to be a good mom from time to time,but my hubby doesn't so seriously haha. 5.now my father-in-law is suffering from cancer,so we have to live with him now,but in the future,we maybe have a nuclear family.

Well, since I started attending Church I have been one who had to get Married before ever considering anything else in life. But I can admit that before I got into Church I would have had kids outside of Marriage. The good thing is since I no longer talk to any of these men, and have not done so since I broke up with them, it is Good that I had the miscarriages. Personally I think it is Best that more people wait until after Marriage to have kids, as that should be the Best way but I guess it is a matter of choice as well.

[i]Hi SomeCowgirl, I will just sum up all your inquiries in one paragraph...I always love the idea of having children after marriage growing up with a conservative parents but I am not against for those people who have their kids prior wedding, have even few friends who was in the said situation and now they are all happy... I am in my 30's and I know it's right time for me to have kids but since I am new here (USA), I have to wait and be stable again with my career, hubby is very supportive also in that issue, though I know we can afford to have one but it will divide my attentions and all...We are living far from my in laws and will only see them once a month![/i]

1. Yes, I waited to get married before having children. 2. Somewhat, we could afford to rent a house and give the child a place to grow up in. 3. Everyone does struggle after having children, unless you are independently wealthy. It is very hard to not be prepared financially especially when your child needs special help or want to go to college, etc. 4. Everyone struggles to be a good parent. 5. Yes, we had to live with my mother during part of our child rearing. IT REALLLLLLYYYYYY WAS NOT GOOD.

I feel marriage is necessary before having children, to keep the parents in bondage for taking care of the child. Whether it's religion or psychology, our children must get love of both Mother and Father in equal measure as the child is the fruit of both souls in unity and should continue to remain so. For all your queries the answer ought to be yes, happy parenting.

I have 3 children and I have never been married. With my first child I was pretty financially secure when I had her. But, then the bottom dropped out and I had to move in with my parents. I was really misrable there. My parents were in the middle of a divorce. My dad was taking it out on my siblings, my siblings were taking it out on me. So, I moved into a 1 bedroom apartment with my daughter and met the lcoal security guard. Haha. Then I was working at McDonalds, and I was getting sick on the job horribly and very depressed. So, one day I just walked out... a couple days later I found out I was pregnant. So, my boyfriend found a place for us to all live together and we lived there for um... 6 months. It was nice to have the space and to be able to live together but the house was not in good shape at all! And his crazy ex wife would just show up and walk right into the house demanding to speak with her 'husband' Argggg. So, we moved. But, the place we moved to was section 8 housing and we couldn't make ends meet while he was staying with us. So, he called a cousin and asked if he could stay with him for awhile so that me and the girls could have a roof over our heads for free. Well, he would still come buy and visit, give us money and stuff. And on one of those trips I got pregnant again! So, now my doctor told me about implenon and I have that in. We are now waiting to be more financially stable, but our idea of being financially stable is a little different than other peoples. Haha. I own a mobile home now so that's good. To have anymore children we would need a minivan though. And we would need to be getting just a little more money. We have a lot of resources between us so we don't need all the money in the world. Just enough to get by really. I don't know about the marriage thing. I think as long as 2 people make the commitment to stay together and raise a family together, the rest is just a piece of paper.

I think the important things are that the child is loved and wanted by its parents whether planned or not, inside or outside of a marriage. This aside as long as the relationship is strong and loving I think it can cope with the stress of a child, as even marriage is no longer the definate thing it once was. rather than worry about a bit of paper, it is important to look at your personal circumstances and make a judment based on your situation rather than what society thinks.