where does the spark go?

Hi easymoney, I think it does happen to couples, but it's up to you to work things out by being honest about your feelings, opening up what you really feel. Now once you open out what you feel it's up to your husband. You have to help each other to work things out. My fiancee was telling me boredom sometimes, it's getting to be monotonous, so I have to help her to rekindle the love, by really having time for each other, it helps also when you remember where you start. Love is not a one sided relationship. 13 years is 13 years and I admire couples who can stay longer in a relationship and could stay in love forever. Have a nice day to you! God bless!

hello easymoney, It happened to us before, I felt that there was no more spark, and we do have our ups and downs, to the point that we're talking about separation, but things changed, we did talk about it, and we both tried to do our part, well, it didn't happen in one night, but for now, I could say that the spark came back.

A good question! Why do people get that way? I'm lucky with my husband. We can't keep our hands off of eachother, and we intend to keep it that way.

hello easymoney. that is really so sad. maybe you need to have a long talk with your husband and tell him how you feel. it may also help if you seek marriage counseling. i believe with a little effort, the spark in your marriage will be back in no time, perhaps even better and stronger than before. i see lot of hope in your case. good luck. hope everything turns out well.

Well good luck. We have been together 4 years and our spark is already gone. I try to keep it alive but it is really hard sometimes to make him see that, but guys don't need all the attention like we do you know. They dont understand sometimes the need of intimacy. Maybe he needs out of the routine that always helps my husband. It makes him feel better and want to spend more time with me. So try giving him a daddy day or something. Don't pressure him and just be kind and caring.

Maybe you should try to do those things for him, kiss him or hold him. Start leaving love notes or whatever around. Make him feel special and maybe he will return the favor. Buy flowers and leave them for him or make his favorite dessert. Small things usually end up meaning the most, like the things you are wishing still happened. I think its just everyday life that gets too routine. Its good to have the routine but you should break it up a bit. Well good luck to you and yours. Happy MyLotting!!!

Why are you so insecure? Nobody is getting any younger and the world surely isn’t becoming easier to survive. Its but natural for each of us to lose some of our youthful enthusiasm to middle aged worries…it affects different people differently. I am sure he hasn’t given any indication of being preoccupied with things other than family, friends and the job! You do have your love life, don’t you…how’s he in those intimate moments? Do you see the love in his eyes? If you do, no action or word is more worth than that. And regarding yourself…we never lose our spark, we only let the world into making us think so. Be positive, be happy and don’t worry unnecessarily. I would be completing 12years of togetherness this April…so I do know some of what you are talking about.

hi easymoney...well that was tough..i mean living together for how many years and not showing any feelings as he had been used to in the early days of courtship and marriage...i guess in this you have to ask him of whats bugging you all about...ive been married for 27 years with 4 grown up children but still we go on dates and nothing change except that we mature as the years passed by...

easy! You can always confront him and directly ask him where has the 'spark' gone and you can ask him whether he has started taking less interest in you or 'kissing' you has become boring for him. You on your part can take the initiative and you can initiate the 'kissing' and then wait and see, does the 'spark' returns and he still shows indifferent attitude. Nonetheless, I feel as we grow older in marriage, little bit of spark, which would be there in the beginning, go missing. Best of Luck to you!

Wow it is crazy how close in comparison we are. We have been married for 13 years also. We have three children though. I just sat him dont on day and told him how I felt. It got to the point where he would not initiate ANYTHING. He said he didnt know that I felt that way and he was sorry. I am not dissing men or anything but sometimes they dont think of those things. He said we laugh and talk together and he thought we were fine. I had to explain that I still needed affection. I guess we get in that rut where we are comfortable with each other. Also he could just be stressed. Men dont show it like us women. I dont think its you. Talk to him. I used to be embarrassed to talk to my husband. After I started we both were more open with each other. Good luck with your hubby.

You know I think you are just suffering the marriage blues. Happens to the best of marriages, sort of like the tide, inevitable but not forever either. It isn't the feelings that are missing just the demonstrations. Sometimes marriage, like anything else just needs a booster shot. Change of scenery. Weekend away even, without kids, housework, or worry.

It does happen to many couples, I would say there are instance that happened to me as well. During those moments I contemplate what went wrong, sometimes, there is no deep explanation but sometime its just boredom or sometimes no issues at all, I just want nothing and want to get out from it. Nevertheless, when that happen either partner like you do, notices it (usually the wife) and that, she made an effort of talking to me or wanting to spend time talking (just two of us, somewhere usually we haven't visited yet). Despite of the feelings inside I tried to overcome it, by giving something that would elate us both and the sooner forget about it and we are back on each others arm. I hope you two can make it soon, the sooner the better.

does the lost of spark in marriage a common thing to couples. Cause i often hear about it. i wonder why does it always happen to many. I just think though because you are already a couple with kids that the man will just assume that the woman already feel loved and will not have nothing else to ask for and that all the proof of his love is very evident by the way he provides and work hard for the family. so i guess the man's focus is to earn more money and provide good life to their family. and many times women seek more than being provided before. they just wanted to have a marriage as romantic and as happy as it was on their first day of marriage. women really seem to be on romantic side while the man on the practical side.

I think it almost always goes after kids. I don't have any kids, but I know people who have been married a long time. I think the people just get comfortable in their station in life and become roommates. They are so comfortable they are like a pair of slippers that one likes to wear... I think it is like that. I don't think it has anything to do with love or anything. I also think that it may get boring after awhile. It's kind of like reading the same book over and over again.. and you put it down because you know every word.

It is the dilemma in many relationships. The couples are just together for the kids it seem. They are no more in great love. It is complex human psychology. I think you can also show some unexpected love to him. May be he will do the sam ethen.

My wife complains like this to me often.We are married for 12 years and with 2 kids as you.Now,I am in the position to earn more to support the family and I expect she should also aware of this.I can't spend my time to be romantic as when we were married newly.More often,we return home,fed up with work,longing for rest.What I all need is good care and a smile,not romance at that time.This I have explained to her.She seems understanding,but complains again.Well,this will not remain the same.Thing will change.I don't think we have to be expressive of our love all the time.By now,everything should have been understood.Cheers!

I think after 13 year, you may have just done everything possible. Maybe trying something new to stop any boredom. I think he should try more with a bit of effort tho. Also you could maybe try different ways of doing things, surprise him every so ofter, like breakfast in bed, or something he would like, and he might try and do the same back. Good Luck with it all.

have a heart to heart talk to him! open up and tell him how you feel.. make at least 1 day a week of "u and him only together" have dinner... go out.. etc etc... due to busy work me and my bf literally dont have time or each other... i work 10 pm to 6 am while he work 6am to 6 pm.... so we see to it we have a "we time" at least twice a month! and it workd .. so far we are always excited to spend time together and we look forward for that we time! this april 18-19 will go to beach together!! im so excited!

enjoy yourselves together! you hear it all the time: "My spouse an i used to have so much fun together..." if this is you bring the fun back! what do you love to do together? dancing? hiking? cuddling? going to the movies? sports? start these activities again and feel increased love and happiness return