My dad

Every child needs to know their roots. It sounds like your father has a lot of baggage. I wonder what he is like without all of that. I wonder what he may have been like when he was a little boy before all the junk covered his life. I hope that you can know that your self worth is not in whether or not someone paid child support. You are a very precious creature no matter what someone did or did not do. I do not blame you for being scared. I do hope that it will be a better experience than you ever hoped for in visiting him.

first of all, I must commend you for being such a forgiving soul. You've forgiven the fact that he deserted you, didn't pay child support and lived away from you all your life. Yet when he wants to see at this stage, you are open to meeting him. Bravo! With a big heart like yours, if I were you, I'd ask myself "what is the worst that might happen if I went up to see him? What is it about the situation that is scaring me? What would I not like to see?" See if you can break down that fear into smaller parts and address each part separately. that done, next prepare your daughter. tell her about the past, how you have accepted it (this is very important as it will make her forgive the grandfather she has never known or met). talk to other family members (if you have anyone close).. talking and discussing always helps to calm down the nerves. then, with a totally open heart and mind, go for it! nobody can predict the outcome, but you have given your 100% to it, and that is all that matters. May the good Lord who has protected you all these years be with you at this hour too. good luck

Your dad is old and it seems he knows that he is very sick and you said he really never recover from his stroke attack. His still your father and after all of his shortcomings and lost time of being together with you, his still your one and only father. The right thing to do is visit him and time with him, let go of what happen in the past and look forward to what you have.

it's good that you wanted your daughter to meet her grandpa, and i think since you said he wont be around much longer, you should go and see him, at least have a closure on your relationship as father and daughter. maybe since he's gone through a lot, he's changed and thought things over, realized his mistakes and wanted to patch things up with you. i am really close to my father, since i am an only girl in the family, and my father had his cup of mistakes and flaws, he's made somethings that i was very mad at, but i know he's changed and it didn't change our relationship, even if i got married and didn't tell him first, he was mad but we forgive each other, so i think you should go to him and let him meet his grand daughter, and just maybe you'll put a smile on his face and make his day!....SMILE, MAI

In a way I can understand what your talking about minus him being sick. My biological dad decided not to be a part of my life. When I was 9 I found out that the Dad who raised me wasn't my biological father, because my mom decided it was time for him to pay child support. She took him to court and we started recieving court ordered child support that came directly out of his pay check. When I was getting ready to graduate high school I wrote him a letter and told him I would like to meet him and that this would be his only chance. I told him that I had a dad my whole life so I wasn't missing out on anything but would like to know my biological father. He responded, apparently him and his wife were splitting up and having problems. He called me non-stop for a few months. Invited me to family outtings and introduced me to my family. I had a daughter who was born premature so we were going back and forth to baltimore which is about and hour away. So he drove me a few times to see her. Then him and his wife started getting back together and gradually we started hearing from him less and less. I got tired of trying to reach him so I stopped calling as well, but I still invited him to her birthday parties and such and he did come but brought his wife and always had an excuse to only stay for a few minutes. After my son was born he was notified and never came to the hospital but called once and said he would stop by after we were home and never did. Then he e-mailed me a few weeks before Christmas he messaged me and asked me what my kids would like for Christmas. I told him what we needed and what other people we getting them. Then my boyfriend ran into his wife at the restraunt his mother works at and she told my daughter to go talk to her. Then she said well we never see you but I'm sure you want something for Christmas. So what do you want me to get you. Needless to say that really upset me, she is only three years old, if you problem take it up with me don't speak to my daughter as if she did something wrong, or that your forced to buy her something. So I e-mailed him and told him exactly what I thought, and that I knew he wasn't there but how dare she talk to my daughter about that when they hadn't even came to see my son after he was born and he was almost 6 months old. I haven't heard back from him since. As far as I'm concerned he never wanted to be a part of my life anyway so I'm not going to force the issue. Sorry this was so long but it just kind of touched a nerve. I hope your situation turns out better then mine did. Sometimes it's good to be able to let go of the past before it's too late so you have no regrets. Your child deserves to know who her grandfather is so hopefully his view has changed on life and he will want to make the most of what time you have left with him. Good Luck!

i dont feel the same as you feel but i can imagine because we never feel as some one who live it.all what i want to say is that even if what happened the man about whom you are talking is your fother and you have to do the impossible to meet him and help him if needs.because even if you try to live without him time to times you will think on him it is normaly because we can not believe the person who gived us the life happy life to youuuuu

Wow! The range of emotions you must be feeling, from anger to eresentment to fear of loss. I wish you and your family peace as you resolve this. I know that regret is a terrible emotion, especialy after someone has passed on. Maybe if you have some photos you can share with your kids of a more positive image of your dad. Maybe you can share times in a neutral site so you can stay or leave as the siutuation and emotions warrant. As mentioned above, your daughter deserves to know her roots and to know that she comes from "good stock" so the chance to see him through the lens of his accomplishments or the places he spent time at (like a trip through his hometown?) can be a chance to share memories without the threat of the wrong thing said or done. My best to your family.