What to do when your kid makes a big mistake???????????????

You can discipline your kids in a positive way, you just have to remember that discipline is not about tearing down a child self esteem or making them feel crappy. Yelling creates fear, not respect, and isn't always effective, it just teaches your child to yell when angry. Spanking is not only a fear tactic but is demeaning for an older child, and it can teach a child that it's ok to hit when mad. This, and the fear of abuse is why even pro spanking authorities say to never spank while angry. My kids are younger so their offenses are milder, but we do time outs for fighting, arguing and such, and we talk about how it makes people feel when they get treated badly. So far it works, my kids actually respect me, they aren't afraid of me, they don't not do things because they might get spanked, their biggest worry is having me tell them that what they did was wrong, and they don't like that. But nomatter what kids do it is the action not that child that is bad. If and when it ever happens that my kids steal they will take the item back and confess and suffer the consequences, vandlism, same thing they will confess and help clean it up and do whatever else is required to make amends. In matters of disrespect, my son just last night had a fit because we went to mcdonalds and he didn't get the toy he wanted, this is the first time we've went for fast food in 6 months, I thought it would be a nice treat, and he hurt my feeling by being ungrateful, but he is just a child, so we talked about it and that was that, you can't teach respect without respecting your children. As for meals my kids eat what I cook or go hungry till the next meal, I'm not a waitress, this is not a restaurant where everything is made to order, but it is their choice, they can go hungry for a few hours or they can eat.

You need to find out exactly what makes the child tick first. Not everyone responds to the same methods, so a direct response to your question is that there is no specific way of enforcing good behavior in a child. Children learn by example. If a parent steals, or fights, lashes out etc, then the child will do the same as the parent is the role model to that child. I would say that home is therefore the first place to begin enforcing discipline. Then children need to be aware of consequences. If they get away with something once, they're going to do it over and over again so its really important that something is done immediately the first time or its going to be harder to correct. You need to make the child aware of what happens to adults who do these things. Eg, telling them how long they will be in prison for if they steal, how they wont be able to get a job if they have a violent criminal record, how people die from malnutrition and not eating properly. Its probably just a scare tactic, but its still important that children know about the real world and that things are unacceptable in society and not just in the parent's mind. Then a punsihment should be in place. For example, I used to hate eating meat in stews, but my parents would not allow me to leave the meal table until I had eaten every last bit of food. They'd serve up dessert and throw mine away if I'd not finished my meal in time etc. I often ate because I found myself falling asleep in my food and I just wanted to sleep. That usually works with the food thing. As far as misbehaving goes, that really depends on what works with the child. If they misbehave with elders, you could try the embarassment tactic of making them sit with you, hold their hand, or I'd actually make them go to the elder and actually apologise for their actions and make them ask the elder if they could do any chores to make up for their bad behaviour. If they steal, you could ask them how they would feel if they had something stolen. Maybe the child has saved up pocket money, ask them how they would feel if someone else stole that to make them see things from the side of the victim. With fighting and violence, I'm not entirely sure on that. If it getting really bad, you could tell them that you will call the police the next time they do it. Or if you know a person of authority, you could maybe have them sit down with the child and explain it from their point of view. Coming from someone who has first hand knowledge could work.

I think when kids make mistakes, you should be able to talk to them and make them understand by proper talking.

don't have kids.but i think the best way is talk to kids. and serach information on line.

It depends on age and what they did. I have no problem punishing my child. And yes, I do spank when it is appropriate. When we stop punishing our children is when they have control and why in the world would we give our children the control? We are suppose to be teaching them right from wrong. I certainly do not want my child thinking it is okay for him to be acting up and being disrespectful towards anyone. You think if he were to steal something and I didn't do anything about it, he'd just naturally stop on his own?? uhh no.

Hi shiwangi, First of all we are all human beings and everybody becomes parents for the first time and learns through experiences. Even when you have several children one cannot generalise because each child is different and has to be dealt with differently.It is always best to talk to your child and try to get to the bottom of the problem no matter what before taking action. I have never believed in hitting, scolding etc; it never works and can instil only a momentary fear which when overcome as they grow older will result in hatred for the parents. I think one has to deal with the children's mistakes by being understanding and with loads of patience..

I think there is a reason why even Jesus taught by example. Children will do what their parents do, and even when we think they don't see they do. Remember the old saying "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree"? That's it. We work with our children by example, as well as by explanation. Yes, they do get into things, have accidents, make messes, and sometimes don't listen or hit. Our children are young so with our son we explain to him "We need to be gentle with your baby sister, she's smaller than you. " Then we show him how to give her a toy, etc. We do the same with him when he's trying to chase the cat. It works well because he also tells his sister, who just started crawling, "Be gentle". We do separate accidents out. If our child spills milk we don't punish them. We all have accidents, even as adults. We just tell them "It's ok, we all have accidents. Let's get it cleaned up together". Then, we help them clean up or we have them watch us as our little guy is only 2 1/2. It's not that we're taking a hands off approach and not parenting. We are parenting but without hands on. We don't spank or hit. How can we explain it's not good to hit if we hit? I'm not sure what you mean by eating properly. If you are the parent and preparing meals then it should be healthy. Though, because of the course of eating disorders in our country don't push your child to over-eat. This may cause an eating disorder and they'll be in worse shape. We have to remember that most children know how to eat properly, it's adults that don't. My son is a prime example. We're used to eating three meals a day because that's what we were taught! Since learning more about our body and how it uses food I've even gone to eating several small meals. However, there are times when I have a large meal. My son may only eat a few bites and I don't punish him or tell him to clear his plate. I simply put it up for later. And then in a few hours when he's hungry he'll eat a small snack again. I keep healthy foods in the house so it's not an issue. He very rarely wants sweets. I've also never kept my refridgerator off limits. That sort of thing can also lead to eating disorders. In terms of studying, well I think people need to know what is meant by studying, evne children. Homework is NOT studying, it's just practice. Studying involves much more. My best advise on that one is to use the tapes Where there's a will there's an A. They were created by a professor out Arizona State University. I have used them for years in teaching and they work wonders. Namaste-Anora

Well,I haven't got married,so I have no children.But let me have an imagine. I'm a hot temper person and usually easy impatient with somebody.If my kids make a big mistake,first,I would clarify is it my children's fault.If it is so,I will be blame for his or her mistake even beat them if they don't confess their error.

It honestly depends on the personality of your children and the maturity that they have gained through their life. I think that the best punishment is to revoke privileges such as electronics and television and ground them. This in my opinion is the best way to teach children what is right because they are learning and their punishment lasts for enough time for them to figure out why what they did was wrong. That's the way that I think about it because without any form of punishment your children are not learning anything. Good luck.

When your child not contact with no exchange after period of time,these problems of you arise,and than again big exchange and contacts,but the effect was not discouraged, rebellion is not necessarily experience of each child,now you should give him or her taste the taste of failure,stimulate them to do something they can't do it,of course,will reward him,do not? now let him down and help him finsh it,in this way you chould get the believen from your child.

Hi , I am not a mother ,but I have something to say .As we all known , we should not just punlish the children when they make a big mistake , that will not have a good result. When I was a child , I always feel very afraid ,when I made a mistake . I was afraid of the punishments ahd the scold from my parents .What I want wae that they could tell me why I did wrong and how to do the thing in a right way . I was young ,so I had a lot of things to study .So , if you children make a big mistake ,you can small to them ,and tell them where wrong in the end ,and tell them the right way .But if they make the same mistake ,you can give them some right punishment ,and they will know how to do in the future !

I used to discipline my kids with timeouts, writing assignments, added chores, time in the corner, taking away favorite toys etc. Spanking was always a last measure.

Being a parent is not easy. When the kid commit mistakes, as parents we should have the utmost patience to deal and talk to them. That the thing they have done was a mistake and need to be corrected. Tell and talk to them gently as we can so that they can understand fully what were trying to let them understand. In such a way they will realize it. The best solution and not be having loud voices instead.

well,thanks for this topic..actually so guilty about this..but as long as you can control yourself,control it.try to count 1 to 10,before you decide.but if you punish your kids,use stick and not your hands,because hands is for touching,kids may confuse about that.. and after you punished your kids,hug them and try to explain to them why..add biblical method..

There are times when the only thing that will work is a slap on the hands and a hit on the behind with the palm of one's hand and that should be as a last resort. Before that there is the grounding, putting him in his room especially when there is company he wants to visit, taking away privileges, bringing out the food he did not eat that meal before (after warming it up( and make him eat at least a little of it (allergies excepted of course). I know my mother did that. She also bit my brother's hand when he bit someone to make him feel how the other person felt. Now I never did the biting thing, but we did make sure our boys tried a little of the food they did not like, but were not the clean plate types. But what I did was to look them in the eye after putting them on a chair or picking them up and say "That was not very nice,"in as stern a voice as possible and once they were older enough, I did not have to do it. And most of the time, my husband would give that father's stare when he disapproves, and that worked. My father had that look do. Men are easier with that then us women. Taking away privileges is a good idea as is grounding. You can leave the slap on the rear end or the hands until he or she does something very nasty and only after all other attempts have failed.

i think if a kid makes a mistake you should try to show them the right way to handle what they did wrong if that doesnt work spank them thats all some kids understand

You do have to get after them. How? Much of that depends on the age of the kid and the "mistake" etc. Also much depends on the kid himself. I raised 4 and i'll tell you that they were all so different. You have to follow your heart and set a good example in your own life. By the grace of God, all my girls turned out to be good and respectful people. It was a long process and they all had there ups and downs growing up. I was (am still) a single parent and by no means a perfect parent. I did raise my voice and sometimes later wished I'd been calmer in certain situations. They did get punished....never abused. You are right....we can't always make kids understand just by telling them how it is. Sometimes they just learn the hard way thru life experiences.

Well let me start by saying I feel what is wrong with the kids today is the fact that their are so many people saying that whipping a kid is wrong. I do not really whip my kids in less it it called for. But I will do it. Disrespect in any manner is uncalled for. Bust their butts that's what I would do.When nothing else works. Because if you allow them to act this way it will only get worse. My grandmother had 22 kids and well she was my adviser and before she passed away she wrote down a bunch of stuff she thought I would need to know. So I feel after 22 kids that were all very successful in life she would be one to take advice from. Whip your kids when they really need it.

i was told by my sons psychatrist that you can punish them depending on there age younger kids like todlers dont understand punishment but older kids 6 and above do but i must say punishment dont always work i know this first hand my son has adhd,odd and bopolar so this is a big problem for us because no matter what you do, or what kind of punishment we give him he just dont care, trying to make some kinds understand just dont work , you know your kids best , there are some recorces out there that can help.

hi,i am a new mom with a 11months baby. i really don't konw the answer to your question,but i want to konw too. i konw what you said is so real,but we can not solve such problems just with the educational theory. i am waiting for the best advices also.