Am I a Bad Mother?

I am sorry that you have had to pay so much for something that is such a common thing. When my oldest was younger I had a roomate and she had a son the same age. At about 2 years of age me and my room mate were cleaning in the living room and the boys were playing together in their bedroom in the back of the house. We seen a neighbor running down the street and we went out to see what happened. Our two little boys were down the street on the oposite side of the street. One was carrying a ball and the other was pushing an emptly umbrella stroller. It happened that they went out the side door. It only took a minute for this to happen because just minutes before we checked on the boys and they were still playing. It just happened. You can not be on your kids 24/7. It happens. And my friend was turned into CPS at a later date for a similar situation and her case was unfounded. It caught up with her years down the road because she works with the CPS with the Safe House and it showed up one day and she was called in because in the records of the case it did not have the final findings of the case. She had to show proof that she was unfounded and then her job was safe. Do you have any documentation from an investigation that can help you out there? These things do happen and I am sorry that this has affected you in such a way.

You're right, it could have happened to anyone, and has happened to many people. About 3 years ago my twins, who were 3 years old at the time, went outside by themselves at 4am while the rest of us were asleep. I woke up when I heard the door slam shut, and ran out to get them, hubby slept through the whole thing. The only difference between our mishaps is that the police managed to catch your son, nobody ever saw my kids. So unless there's more to the story that you're not telling us.. then no, I don't think you're a bad mom, because that stuff does happen to a lot of people.

It doesn't sound like you neglected him. It sounds like your son was just being a kid. Kids often get distracted. I'm sure his first thought was to go see you, but on the way he passed the door and thought of outside, which led to him thinking about a tractor and then he decided to go find one and so on and so forth. It happens. I'm sorry you got in trouble for it. It would've been one thing if you guys completely ignored him and didn't have a clue where he was. You went out and looked for him and you obviously were concerned for his safety and what happened to him. Now, here's my story to make you feel better: My youngest son was about 3 1/2 years old. I was at work and my husband was at home. My son was suppose to be taking a nap. We lived in a mobile home and his room was at the end facing the driveway in the mobile park. During his 'nap' he managed to open the window, push out the screen, jump out the window with his bare feet hitting gravel.....oh wait, i'm sorry, i think he dropped a blanket for a soft landing, and then he walked across through more gravel into someone elses mobile home. It was an older couple. He just walked in and sat on their couch. The woman turned on the tv and gave him a cookie. The gentlmen walked over, and said to my husband 'i think you're missing a son'. My husband tried to let him know that our son was taking a nap. the guy goes "no, he's sitting in my house watching tv." I had just started going back to work after being a SAHM. When my husband called me and told me what happened i felt like i got punched in the stomach. I was so glad that he went into a house with a nice family because he could've gone to the main road with lots of traffic, or the woods that have coyotes, etc. there were so many things that could've happened to my baby. My youngest was always fast and seemed to take off whenever. I always went outside with them when they wanted to play, but it never failed...little guy had a knack for disappearing with a blink of an eye. I always caught up with him, but man he was good. A couple times he would go into daddy's truck and i would freak out because I couldn't find him and I thought the vehicles were locked and whenever i looked in, he would duck. his way of playing hide and seek. He knew where he was the whole time. Now, if anyone says that's bad parenting obviously doesn't know how kids can be. Toddlers just go with what they're thinking. They're not mature enough to think of what could happen if they did this or that. I'm just glad to hear that your son was found safe. So many things could've happened and none of it would've been your fault. It happens...its the good moms that notice their children are MIA(missing in action) and go looking for them. The bad ones are the ones who answer the door to find a police man asking them when was the last time they saw their child. I'm sorry for the results of your mishap. maybe it's just time to move? if not let them look at ya. people will judge and don't even care what your side of the story is. Good luck.

Sounds like to arresting officer had a pet peeve about unsupervised kids. It is sad that people misjudge parents because the police were involved. You are not a bad mother. This incident has probably made you an even more attentive mom. My own children gave me a good scare on occasion so I well understand kids will do things unexpected and manage to escape even under the most watchful eyes. With no previous complaints against you they should have just logged the incident and given a warning. All you can do is be open and honest about what happened. For those that ask or say something let them know it was one of those things that happened with kids and what you learned from the experience. For those that only give you looks and don't have the guts to ask just ignore them.

I agree with everybody else that you are not a terrible person. What really is making you feel bad right now is the possibilty that you MAY be a bad mother. You need to forgive yourself for what happened. That would be so freeing for you. After you have forgiven yourself, and made peace with the incident in your own heart, resolve not to let other's opinions bother you. If other people have negative feelings about you, that hurts only them. Don't take those feelings onto yourself - don't let them through. I learned a few years ago not to let other's feelings be MY feelings. It's sooooooo peaceful. I hope that you can forgive yourself, and learn to do the same!

Kids do things like that. It doesn't make you a terrible person. My oldest and my youngest had a habit of running off in the store. When I looked for them I got looks, if I had them screaming tied down in the cart (never mind that they were too big to sit in that seat), I got looks, if I walked them in a harness like a dog, I got looks... you just can't satisfy everybody's opinion. And yes, you'll eventually find somebody ready to call the cops for something they perceive as wrong. The cops look into it but more often than not don't do more because they see the situation for what it is. In your case you got the triple whammy. Your child has developmental and other issues, which are not your fault but cause others to more easily accuse of neglect for not watching him better. Living in a trailer (which in itself might have put some of those in charge in a negative opinion towards you) and not having the door locked.. as easy as your son could sneak out, somebody else can sneak in (another negative in some people's eyes).. Although your trailer wasn't far away from where your son stood with the cop, he didn't seem to know his way back there and the cop calling for a pick-up by others instead of further looking where the child comes from.. How long was the child outside without you noticing? All that together, well, they did what they thought was safe for your child. They rather overreact than not do anything. I'm sorry this happened to you. It's terrible how many people react like that without further investigating to see what really happened and without remembering how quickly a child can sneak off. Yes, they are indeed gone in a split second. Just forget about what people may or may not think of you. As of now there is nothing you can do about it. Focus on your child, your education, whatever is needed to provide for your son, make sure he enjoys life. At the end of the day, what he thinks of you and your parenting skills, when he is a grown-up, is more important than what other people think.

this was a terrible mishap. I cannot help but feel that you were treated unfairly. did the cops have any other reason to suspect that you were negligent? any prior problems or was your boyfrind doing anything against the law? I would say, hold your head high, act in the best way possible, and ignore the people who judge you. Make a new life for yourself and your son, as it appears you are doing. If you could move away and get a new start, I would do it. Maybe you can get a different kind of job somewhere else. it seems that a day care job would be hard to get after what you were accused of. do your best and love your little boy.

It sounds as like there were other circumstance involved. Like your son is ADHD and there was no lock on the door so this could not happen. This happened to my neighbor also. THey have a special needs child who is always getting out of the house and ending up at a neighbors house. At first no one knew where he came from. Now we all know. The last time he got out he ended up at a neighbor up on the street about 3 blocks away. The cops brought him back home and really blasted the neighbor. The neighbor as soon as the police left went and got an alarm and lock that the child cant reach on the door. So you are not the only one this has ever happend too. People are always quick to judge and seem to always want to believe the worst in people. You know if you are a bad mother or not. And as long as you know your not then dont worry about other people. Keep your head up.

No, of course your not a terrible mother. Just give it time the issue will blow over. People will forget, I'm sure its not your fault as your son has many treatment. I understand that having children with ADHD can be difficult sometimes so I don't think its due to your neglect-man. Just hang in there and if people give you the look, give it back to them.

I think we all make mistakes and if we are not careful it can happen to any of us. One day my husband was watching my daughter while I was at work. He has the baby gate up so she cound't go to the kitchen because their are so much that can hurt her in there. The front door was also shut so she could not go outside. He went to the kitchen to get something. He heard a funny noise and looked in the living room just in time to see my daughter chasing our puppies on the front porch. She is 19 months and somehow opened the door in that short of time. I think you might feel a little guilty so you feel that people are judging you. It is a bad situation and I can see how it can happen even with the best parents. I am sorry you lost your job and seem to be under a lot of eyes. I would ignore them. Find another job and do what you can your son.

I believe only thing left is that u got a lot of patience,, also keep praying that the Lord give u encouragement

I don't know what to say in your story. But one thing for sure that you are not a bad mother. Your case can happen to anyone. But you cannot stop people from their own opinion. For as long as you do your very best to protect your child, you're not a bad mother. Chitchating and rumors will just going to fade away in time. As long as you believe in what you are standing, you are still you.

It's not like children come with a handbook. No, you are not a bad mother or a bad person. It could of happened to anyone, as soon as children can reach the doorknob, who knows what they'll do. You do the best you can, and you did that. You thought he was taking a nap with his dad, how were you to know he left the bedroom? YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, you are definately not a bad mother. Sad to say, but these things happen all the time. I can't believe that the cops arrested you. So should they also arrest every parent whose child gets kidnapped. It is practically the same thing as your child can be with you one second and not the next. I've heard of children being taken from their own yard. Too also lose your job over it is ridiculous as they should have been more understanding. My nephew is four and he will be watching cartoons in the living room, then all of a sudden he opens the door and walks outside becasue he thought that I was outside too. I am sorry that this happened to you. Hopefully everything will work out in the end, just rest assured that you are not a bad mother and if they arrested you for this, then almost every parent should be arrested for a similar instance.

I'm sorry you had to go through so much trouble for this. It's obvious that you didn't do anything on purpose. You thought your son was with his father (which he was)..and he slipped out when he came out to take something. A similar thing happened to me recently. We stay at an apartment complex and my 3 year old had a play date at a neighbour's. When I went to pick him up, I asked him to help his friend clean up, while I went into the kitchen (which is an open one) to chat with my friend. We thought they were cleaning up...when we went to check on them 5 minutes later, we found that my son had opened the main door and gone off. The main areas of the apartment complex are not safe for children and I was worried. Fortunately for us, he had gone straight back home and his father was there. I'm very careful at home with him. The balcony doors are always closed (we stay on the 6th floor) when I have to go to the bathroom or even work in the kitchen. But this happens. Another thing is that there is no such thing as child neglect here in India and there is no help for children who are truly being abused.

I think the issue is not with you. Don't think you are not being a good mother for what happened. It is just so unavoidable. Kids specially boys are curious and will really get out of the house to fill their curiosity. The cop is just doing what he is expected to do. But it seems like he is blaming you for that. He may also have an idea on how you protect your child but didn't mention it and it can really make you blame yourself. It's good you found your child safe. All I can say now is maybe you should have more time to talk with your child's curiosities. By knowing them you'll be able to allow and accompany him to do that. If you'll prohibit him to do that, he will do it secretly from you. It is better if you just allow him to do it and you accompany him on that instead of prohibiting him which may just cause him to do what he wants without you knowing it. :) You won't post this discussion if you're not a good mom. There will come a time when your child give thanks for all the things you've done for him...

I don't think your a bad person. Things happen I don't understand why they charged you with child neglect. I haven't had my kids do anything like that too me yet. Hopefully they never do. But, sisters kid had taken a piece of candy without asking and since she new she wasn't supposed to she hide from my sister. My sister went crazy looking for her. So anything can for any reason. It might not be the same thing but it could have been. Do think of your self as a bad mother your trying to do everything you can for your son. Hope this helps. Happy Mylotting!!!!

I dont think you are a terrible person. I dont know what i would do in this situation, but you thought your son was your boyfriend. It's not as if you let the door hang open & completely ignored him. Maybe a little better communication with your boyfriend from now on would help, but kids are going to be kids. They love the outdoors. I catch mine at the door all the time, but thank god they havent tried to open the door. Good luck. Hang in there.