is finding family contacting family members ok if parents dont want connection

Hey if they know who you are I think it's fantastic you have connected with them. I think honesty is the best policy here..If they don't know who you are that could fuel the fire if they should find out..At the end of the day the kids shouldn't even be part of the fire they have there own minds and make their own choices as to whom they want to communicate with, so if that's the case I say you go girl and enjoy the familly as at the end of the day we only have one....

Hard question to answer, but if the nephews in question are adults, they are free to choose for themselves if they want contact with you or not. Family feuds may have been forgotten if enough time has passed. It all depends on how long certain family members hold a grudge. If they are known to hold grudges for a long time, then I don't know what to say, but if they are type to forgive and forget, that is different. But since you say that your brother's wife called you a nasty name, and you hit her. Maybe if you write her a letter apologizing for your part in the feud and an offer to reconcile. It might work, but then again remind her that you do not deserve to be ill treated, but you do realize that responding with physical violence was wrong to do, she may forgive. After that, then it is a matter of her deciding if she wishes further contact at that point. Since your nephews may be grown men, go ahead and find them if you wish and see if they are interested in having a casual relationship as you will always be their aunt, but they also need to know that you can also be a friend to them as well. Good luck. Keep everyone updated on what happens, but the above is just one person's advice.