Is it really HARD to say NO to a girl? (Continuation of my LOVE STORY)
By Jhordie
@Jhordie (5115)
Philippines
March 30, 2009 4:31pm CST
Last February 28 my EX-girlfriend waited for hours just to be able to see me after my Sunday School Teacher's class... and I was not prepared to see her yet. (though its almost 3 months since we broke up) But she was successful in her plan and got me talking to her by the time I went out of the Church where the class was conducted.
To cut it short, I still offered to walk her home though it was really late and I am so tired. And on our way, she kept on denying the things regarding her alleged relationship with another man and begged me to come back to her. 4 times did she try and 4 times I said, "YOU are right when you said that I was not ready for a relationship then (this was her dialogue when she broke up with me) and I am not yet ready still... I just want to concentrate more with my studies and my plan of helping my parents". But as we reached her place she said for the fifth time while hugging me so tight and crying at that moment to bring our relationship back... I was left speechless, and I can't say NO anymore. But neither do I say YES. The only thing I said... I can't promise you anything. You shouldn't expect me of something. And then we separate our ways with a kiss (in which I didn't feel anything special) Forgive me but I tried my hardest to feel again the love that I have for her but to no avail... I didn't feel it even for a bit except for the pity that I had when I see her crying. NOW, I have this big BIG, very BIG problem...HOW TO SAY IT'S OVER? Please help me... I am really confused and I dunno how to start without hurting her feelings.
Thanks for reading my post and feel free to tell me your thoughts on this. God bless you all and thank you very much from the seabed of my very confused heart.
1 person likes this
9 responses
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
1 Apr 09
That's a bit complicated.. Since u cant really make up your mind to either say yes or no to her, it means that u do still care about her.. BUt u are caring about her in your capacity as being a fren.. Just like u say, u pity her!! If u really love her, u wont pity her at all..
Secondly, if a gal kisses u and u feel nothing, it really means that the love is gone and u dun love her anymore.. Instead, u will feel surprised and yet not shocked..
Lastly, if u dun wanna drag things anymore, u will have to really plcuk up your courage and tell her IT'S OVER.. If not, as it drags longer, u are gonna end up hurting yourself, and hurting her even more, by giving her false hopes as u did not reject her at all..
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
2 Apr 09
Owntulip, u are right in saying he might be missing out on his true love or mrs right in life, but in this case here, it has proven, she's not his mrs right, even though he might be her Mr right.. Understand what i'm saying??
Love is a 2 way thing.. Why force themselves to be together when they are not really happy or dun have the same feelings anymore?? After all, they are still quite young.. And if they are each other's true love, they will meet again and be together again in the later stages of life, for that's their destiny ^_^
1 person likes this
@owntuilp (422)
• China
2 Apr 09
hi,guy.it is so sorry to heart your story and your post.but i real want to tell that you are so lucky you met a good girl who real like you even i dont konw why you had choice break up with each other ago.maybe you are right you cant promise anything for her,and she cant get some thing from you . but now , i show you something like that,if you had decide to finish your study and your plan of your parents is so important for you ,you gotta keep your mind just so tight and go the way you want ,or you real think your ex-GF IS YOUR TYPE YOU dont give up your ture love and miss your mrs right .do you understand what i had talk,please reply my message,see you later ,guy
2 people like this
@kulit74 (25)
• Philippines
16 Apr 09
I am sorry for what you are going thru right now. Telling someone that it's over has never been easy at all. We just have to deal with it head-on. There is no other way to say to a person that you don't have any feelings for the other one except by being honest about it. You just have to ready yourself and to accept the fact that you would definitely hurt her. But telling her as early as now will be better than just bringing her hopes too high and just hurt her deeper at the end. Good luck to you my dear. Just be brave. Assure her that you will still be there for her...not as a lover but as a friend.
1 person likes this
@carolscash (9492)
• United States
31 Mar 09
Just be completely honest with her and tell her that your feelings have changed and that the love for her just isn't there. I am sure that she will cry but I guess that is part of breaking up with someone. I know that I have been on both sides of the break up and it is hard for everyone involved.
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4658)
• Australia
30 Mar 09
I think the fact the kiss meant nothing to you answers your question, Jhordie - you are over this girl. It's lovely you are kindhearted and don't want to hurt her feelings - but you will have to be firm (and gentle) with her, and explain you no longer have the feelings you once had before she hurt you and let you down. Somewhere out there is a new girl with love for you, and you need to break completely from your ex in order to open the door for new experiences. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166956)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Apr 09
It is inevidable that you are going to hurt her feelings. You can't make everyone happy in this life and you will find that being upfront and honest is the best approach to anything you may encounter in your life. You will be better off and she will respect you more in the end. Stressing over it will not help. Better to get with it and have it over and done. That will make it alot easier.
1 person likes this
@nibekagetro (17)
• Philippines
31 Mar 09
Hi Jhordie! Remember that there was a time that he hurt your so much. And don't let her do it again. In my opinion, leave her because it her choice in the first place. She's the first one who gave up. now she's trying to win you back.
1 person likes this
@GoThere (110)
• Indonesia
31 Mar 09
Hello J, you are in a very difficult thing..
I agree to you that says No to a girl is really hard, but in your case, i think you have to be firm. If you say yes for now, but deep in your heart you already didn't feel anything, i believe it would bring more pain to both of you.
So it would be better if you are honest to her before everything get worst. Because i think when a woman already have a hope in his heart it will hurt more when their hope not comes true, especially in love things..
I know this is a very difficult situation, i hope you can settle this problem without hurting anyone from you.
Good Luck..
@lucky1girl (139)
• Taiwan
31 Mar 09
Maybe you can list your disadvantages to her and tell her you are not excellent enough to keep the relationship with her.
You may give your best wishes to her and her new man.If she still insists,you can say that you won't want to hurt her,but in fact,you don't love her now and if you take together reluctantly,you won't be happy. It's the time to end up all your relationships and start the new life of each other:)
1 person likes this
@PinkyPosh (226)
• Canada
31 Mar 09
Hey, First of all, I would like to appreicate you for being so polite and gentle. Though you didn't have any feeling for her at this point of time and though you are sure you don't want to continue the relationship with her, you still managed to accompany her and to be kind to her. And above all, you are sure to break the relation and you atill don't want to hurt her... Hats off to your kind heartedness.
I think your dicision is right. So far you told her very politely. Thats good. But make sure that your polite nature does nopt give her false hopes that you will one day accept her. Rather make her understand for sure that you plans in your life takes priority and I would suggest that you don't show much of sympathy.
@Jhordie (5115)
• Philippines
31 Mar 09
I am happy to know that you do apreciate my effort not to hurt her... She had become a sweet past in my life and I can't disregard her though we are not together anymore. And I just hope to learn NOT to be OVER sympathetic with her. I JUST HOPE. Thank you for giving me TRUE hope that I could surpass this great trials. Thanks to my friends here in mylot like YOU!
