Are we raising a generation of delinquents?

Because I never had much luck with men I was a single Mom. I had one daughter. I raised her the way I was raised as far as discipline was concerned. Yes meant YES, No meant NO, and I never promised her anything I couldn't carry out. Did I ever smack her butt. you bet I did. Did I smack her hands as a child Yes indeed I did. I'd say no only twice and the third time it was a smack. It very rarely happened, funny how that works heh? I was a darn good Mom but I was strict and always in control. My daughter is now 37 married to a good man (yeah apparently there are some) and together they have two amazing children, and are getting the same set of rules. Why I had it so good is my daughter was born in 1972 and back then the parents had the upper hand. If you abused your children and it did happen in some families, BUT in those cases the children were taken away. I know because I was also a foster parent a couple times. If parents don't know the difference between abuse and discipline than obviously they shouldn't have the children at all, but the government needs to back off and let parents do their job as parents, and there would be fewer delinquents in my opinion. Thanks for the excellent post and have a Great Day!!!

I work as a juvenile intake officer. I arrest kids. That's my job. I've been doing it for about 10 years now. I've seen kids get arrested for jay walking and spray painting buildings to being arrested for rape, murder and armed robbery. I don't believe that the government should interfere as much as it does. First of all, it's my child. Not yours. I can spank her if I wish. I can put her in time out if I wish. I can ground her, forbid her to go somewhere or take away her TV or phone priviledges. I can make her do double chores or make her volunteer to help the apartment complex clean up or whatever I feel is a punishment that best fits the crime. I also don't belive in the government telling me what medications I have to give my child. We have opted not to vaccinate our daughter. We both have read too much negative information about vaccines. Now the chicken pox vaccine is mandatory. Next, it'll be the cervical cancer vaccine. I saw a commercial not too long ago about a menengitis (sp?) vaccine. Pretty soon our kids will be so pumped full of toxic medication, we will all wonder what is going on when we have kids becoming sterile at age 5 due to side effects from vaccines.

Before being angry at the AUTHORITIES, go directly to those in control at your local Police Department and ask them their policy on disciplining your children. I say this because my husband is a part time police officer and their department is personally tired of getting calls from parents who don't discipline their children but instead want the police to do so. In the state of Missouri the Police Academy handbook actually says a child can be disciplined as long as excessive force is not used. Now knocking the crap out of a three year old is excessive force but spanking a child to get their attention is not. I think parents have just gotten lazy and don't want to deal with or be responsible for their own children. We use excuses to keep from disciplining our children. I hear it everyday from parents, even right here in our community. When I tell them to speak with the police department they have one excuse after another. Of course many of these parents are waiting until the children are teens before they begin trying to discipline them. Just my two cents worth. This comes from a mother who does believe in disciplining her children and has never been arrested for doing so.

i think they make it hard to raise kids these days. if they do wrong dont you dear whip them, its child abuse. but if they do wrong you are raising your kids wrong. ok let me whip my kids when they do wrong. then we hear give them a time out.. a time out kids be like yeah whatever. then you got parents who can't admit that thier kids are bad, or they make excuses up for their action. if they allow people to give thier kids whipping when they need it, and then kids wouldnt think they can do whatever they want. i was very strict on my kids and i gave the whipping up to the age of 14. my kids tried well i will call the cops on you. ok then pack your bags, they were like where are we going? we not but you are i am signing your butt over the state, see you when you are 21.attuide changed real fast. but yeah these days, the new laws make it hard for the parnets to reaise and punblish our kids. and kids are more then ever out of control.

I personally dont smack my kids, but yeah I dont liek the goverment telling me what I can and cant do, I am the parent and ultimately responsible for the lives that I have created. I listen to advice and use the advice I think is just if I dis-agree with the guidelines or advice then I will do what I think is better for the developement of my kids.

I absolutely disagree. If anyone had a generation of rebellion you can see what happened in the late 60's and 70's. While I do believe in spanking, I find that by the time a child is eight years old there is something more going on and it needs to be talked out. By this age spanking is just a short cut past the real problem. What does your daughter hear from you that is positive about her future? She will mold herself around what you say. This was a hard thing for me to learn. I know so many young people who are further ahead than my generation. They have lived through all the garbage of their parents and are choosing a better way of living, a righteous way. I don't mean to slam any of this but this bothers me, your perception of your child and her future.

Well, they certainly aren't helping...I'll tell you that much! I'm an "old kid"...that is, a person in her late teens. I have an older half brother that could've easily become a delinquent when he was a teen and nearly got arrested a few times, but straightened up as soon as he became an adult, got kicked out of our house...and the hormones cleared out of his system. My little brother, bless 'em, is one of those kids you can't reason with. Part of that's my fault, I used to be quite a bossy older sister when we were little...but I raised him for nearly half of my teenage years, aaand I get why he is the way he is. It isn't how he was raised -- I'm hyper responsible, BUT my hormones haven't really messed with my brain, as far as I can tell, and my Mom likes to jokingly say, "Dang you for being so persistantly sensible!" (as she tends to let her emotions control her words and actions, alot of the time), and besides...my brother was pretty much raised the same as me. No, the reason why my brother is the way he is, is because he doesn't care about anything but himself. Instant gratification...and the tv, and kids his own age have just reinforced that. There's not much reasoning with him, so, mostly...we end up having to blackmail him. He's stolen things, become violent, been defiant, and generally done things ON PURPOSE that he knows we don't want him to do. The only one he'll listen to, is my Mom. But oftentimes, she won't get into situations since he became a teenager, because she doesn't do fighting anymore...because it upsets her too much and when she's upset, nothing gets better at all. It's difficult. I can't wait until he's an adult so that he can go out in the world and straighten out like my half brother...unless my Mom's somehow right and he'll straighten up if given another couple years, xD I'm no saint, myself. But I'm not a total brat, nor stupid enough to do things that'll cause constant disharmony around here or damage what I have going on in my own life. My nickname's "Mom" to all kids younger than me and my own age, so yeah. Society needs to learn to stfu if it's not gonna help. Preachy and just skirting the point of fascism, you know? (I'm putting it a bit extreme on purpose, I can't find softer words atm, but I trust you know what I mean).

yes and no. In my opinion, to a degree, restraint needed here on the part of the adult, children probably don't need a lot of spankings, I almost never did spank my kids and they are alright. I am of course a generation trying attempting to break the cycle of no restraint being used, in my opinion. The bottom line though as I see it is. Figure out what will provide desired behavior, or what will instill it. You can take away or give out extra work for any bad behavior but if it still doesn't provide desired results it isn't working well enough. All parents seem to need to do is figure out the main punishment to fit or not fit the crime (it doesn't matter) so long as it works. Taking away something or providing more chores doesn't work well at all if it doesn't provide desired results. Then you must figure out what will. Time outs, work for some but others it only annoys them a little and they are back at it. My youngest is now 16 and basically hates us, although I know deep down she loves us she just is probably suppose to hate us, and maybe that helps her want to move out, and makes it easier when she does. However what is most important, is follow through, NO empty threats and a punishment that they will feel is untolerable to them. When younger spanks if it helps, time outs, lack of entertainment, when older lack of privileges, contacts, drivers license, dates, car privileges, or whatever they really won't be able to live with will usually produce the best results and more over the best adults over time. Does that mean we are responsible for their actions after being of age? No in my opinion, but if we did as much as we could we have a 50/50 chance that what we did do will produce the best in them. So my advice is if you think you are raising a delinquent try to pull it back out of them before it is true, by figuring out what will work. If you have a 8 year old, and they don't seem to be able to behave figure out what will make them behave and enforce it. Empty threats NEVER work though so start with something and keep trying till you figure out the ultimate punishment, that you can dole out and live with and that forces them into the desired behavior. Of course when they act out over issues of what else is happening in their life be hit loosing a loved one, being picked on at school, not really learning well what they are trying to be taught and ultimately being flustered, it is still our job to figure that out without it being detrimental in the end. That being said I never forget I am the adult (the parent) and I need to do whatever it takes to keep them on the right track from start to finish, which as we all know that finish really doesn't exactly come but, is a mark in time in which we basically hand over the power and hope and pray and help as much as we are asked or can on their terms then rather than our own. God Blesses! Sandy

I have got 3 boys and I do not spank them. And it is not because there is someone telling me that I can not. I do not do this because there are other ways to get through to them and a spanking may hurt or sting for a bit and then it is over. But if you take away something that they truely love it gets through better. When I was a child and I was in trouble I had 2 choices for punishment. I could be spanked 7 times or I could be grounded for 7 days. I took the 7 wacks on my behind with a belt. It would sting but then it was over. I think the biggest thing is consistancy. If you say something along the lines of "If you do this then I'm gonna__________" then follow through on exactly what you said. I have told my 2 younger boys things such as if they did not stop fighting they will not video games for 3 months. And about 2 minutes later they were at it again and there were no video games for 3 months. It was steep with the time but it is what I said when I was sick of hearing them fight and so I had to follow through. They then think before they go at it again. It worked much better then ok you hit him so now I am going to hit you and now what have I taught you? My oldest started getting himself in trouble with things like skipping school and stuff like terrible attitude towards school and teachers and such. He was threatened 1 week in his room with no tv or stereo or any kind of electronics. He did it again and I had to follow through and he spent 7 days with no tv or anything and only came out for school, dinner, shower and bathroom. It was killing me probobly even worse then him but that was about 5 years ago and he still hasn't done it again. And now at age 17 when I go to school for anything I do not leave in tears from the horror stories that I was told about my son. I hear nothing but what a respectful student he is to both the teachers and other students. I hear that he is so polite and things such as this. There are many ways to dicipline without ever laying your hands on your child. Whether the law says you can or can't I just do not think that it is right. My set rule is only this to my kids- you know right from wrong and if you do wrong then there are consequences. 1 week in a room or a few months without video games and things such as this is better then the consequences that they will pay later in life if their behavior does not get under control when they are long.

I think we a parents are damned if we do and damned if we dont. If we discipline our children one way someone is bound to call it abuse. I yelled fo my girls to come here when i went to pick them up from school & they each ran off in a different direction. One teacher told me that was child abuse. If my dad ever yelled I knew that he was serious & i listened. Its not that way anymore. I keep telling my girls that catholic school is going to be a rude awakening for them. My oldest starts kindergarten in the fall and my youngest the following year. All we can hope is that this is only a phase that the kids go thru.

It is ridiculous that we have allowed the government to get this close to home in taking away our rights. Spanks are not child abuse. I personally would not send my child to a public school. That's where a lot of bad ideas in your daughter's mind could be coming from.

My father (God rest him in peace) had some cool punishment for me... He made me write for about 100 times that I would not do that anymore, and it was such an awful punishment. If I got spanked it would be for let's say 5 minutes and I would be off with it, but for 1-2 hours to stay and write, when I could have done so much things, it was very annoying. So my kid, even he is 2 years old (he is my avatar), this punishment applied (of course he's not ale to write, the punishment is go to your room or stay in the corner) works wonders. And hitting ain't just my style... Maybe I won't know my force and the damage would be beyond repair (even when he will grow up).

I have to agree. There are to many people telling us how we MUST live our lives and how we HAVE to raise our children. They tell us we are not allowed to spank our children, we are not allowed to scod our children and we cant say time out because that is a bad word. I was reading an article on line about how to deal with your toddler's temper tantrum, it gave this example... You and your toddler are at the park playing and it is time to go home. Your toddler starts screaming and throwing a fit in the middle of the park. What do you do? They say to tell your toddler ok mommy understands you are mad about leaving so I will give you 10 more minutes and they we have to leave but after we leave we will go get ice cream. Anyone else see a problem with this? What I got from this is I am telling my child ok honey if you throw a fit I will give you what ever you want. The same people who tell you this are the first one's to make snide remarks at the store when your child is screaming in the middle of the store because you wont buy them candy. Now I do believe CPS has a purpose to a point. Only because of those people who go to the extremes. I don't believe in using objects or fist but a firm swat on the rear is far from abuse. It feels like we can't even take a shower with out permission in fear of losing our children because of neglect.