HEAL or HURT an already injured ego?

You're doing it in good faith and if he finds something wrong with it then i guess his ego isn't depressed afterall. He's just strenthening his ego which is wrong. You're his girlfriend and when time comes that you two are going to marry eachother, there's no better person to show a man's battered ego than the wife. She's the one who would perfectly understands.

i don't think you should help financially. legally, you'd be at the losing end. morally, you are not in a decent position to do so since you're not married. humans survive. they always find a way. somebody up there makes sure of that.

without knowing the person I can't tell if he will be happy or upset receiving your help. but what about yourself? now you are working but what if you lose your job the same way he does now? do you have any savings? if you do, will it be enough for at least a year of jobless? you can help, of course, it's your money, it's your right to do so. but you are in love right now and sometimes love makes you see things through rose colored glasses. what I'm trying to say is, before helping anyone else, make sure your own future. you work for this money, don't you? what if you lose your job and he is still jobless? also, what if you lose your job, he gets new one and then disappears? I love my husband, he helps me a lot financially and emotionally. but everytime I have money I use it for our grocery or pay card debt, not for myself. because he works for this money so repaying him is a way of me showing him my love. so it really is up to how certain you are about this guy and helping him with your money.

It's good that you're not yet married, otherwise he will become a "houseband", which is common these days. Well, it depends. Some men are more sensitive than the others, I hope your man is not. But that's not the issue...the issue is that he should get a more stable job so as not to feel insecure in your relationship. Of course, it would be embarassing to discuss the matter to him, but he should know better and really do serious job hunting. You're not getting any younger, so he should not waste precious time....

i had that situation dear he was a lot older than me and jobless a long time but i a glad my 5 brothers discourage me not to carry on that situation [em]wink[/.

Thats a nice thought. I appreciate that. Yea.. many guys would feel little egoisting when getting financial help from his girlfriend. But that doesn't hold true for all. Sometimes, if you don't offer him your help at this time, that could also hurt him. It is all in your hand how you offer him the help. Don't be very straight forward or don't be so plain when you are gonna tell him about what you have thought. First talk to him in such a way that you can find what is in his heart and how he would feel in such situation. When you are meeting up with him or when you are going to his house, try to buy things that are necessary at that point of time. Like grocerries... and always motivate him and tell him that you will be backbone for him. Make him feel that you and him are one.

have you spoken about this situation to him? i guess he just needs timee and tell him to not hurry to find a new job and he might end up in a not so good company where in it is not worth the time at all. if it is not an issue to you right now, i guess you will both be able to get through this time, this kind of challenge.. just support him in his search for a new work as well.

You can offer your help in other means, like cooking for him or something like that, you could also help him look for a job. I have been through the same with what you are going through now, there was once when he too had no job. His ego was hurt and all but I still stuck by it all. He never wanted to borrow money from me, as all guys wouldn't welcome that. So instead, I did what I could do. I helped him look for a job and happily we did find one. But it wasn't after a few months of nothing and depression. I did occasionally send him money (only a few not enough to buy a lifestyle) and just told him to consider it as me treating him on a date or something like that. He did pay me back when he got a job. But you know what, that is only applicable if he is your boyfriend. Otherwise, it would really be insulting. Unless he himself does borrow from you.

I think it would be okay to do just that for the meantime. After all, its not such a big issue. What is important is that it is heartily given. I am sure that he would also do the same should the situation was the other way around. Well of course, we have to consider how deep you are in this relationship. If you have been there as you have said... that is no longer an issue anymore. But also tend to consider that men may have this ego and pride. So just don't force the issue of giving if ever he does not accept. Just let him know that you are there for him, what he needs more is you moral support so that he will be able to find a job....

Hi Theresaaiza! I think that is really nice of you to want to be of help to this guy, but the best way you can help him is just to keep on encouraging him to keep looking and keep trying to find another job. Even if it isn't the job he wants to make a career out of he needs to just get some kind of job to keep himself busy and have money coming in. Your giving him money is not the answer! Try to get him to get some type of job, even if it is a part time job for a little bit of money so that he has some money of his own! That will at least make him feel a little better. Jobs are hard to come by all over the world! It is the same here in the US where I live, believe me! I don't have a job either!

It will depend on his pesonal thinking. I will not mind if my gf would like to share her income with me. It is generally that male ego is hurt when girls wants to help them. Guys always think that it is their duty to run a family and he shoud be responsible for financial position of his family. So, in my thinking he will feel a little hurt but how his minds takes it is only depend on his thinking.

All i can say is help him up. If his ego means a lot to him then tell him he can pay you back. These situations are common in every where you go. Tell him that you have reasons why you want to help him and make him understand that this does not have anything to do with his ego. I do hope that we all will be able to get out of all of this.

If you what you mean by "sharing a bit" is giving him money, make sure first that it is okay with him. Or at least have a talk about it, like asking him if there's anything you could do to help him. It would be much better if you just let him know that you are willing to help him and the asking for help would come from him. Like you said, men would not want to feel dependent or helpless. He might get insulted and hurt.

in the long run yes it will hurt his ego if it takes too long getting that job cos he is suppose to take care of u..

What is most important is to discuss with him. Go about it in such a way that you can feel him out on how he feels about what you would like to do. It is a sticky situation because as you say most men would feel upset with a situation like this. I would stress that it would be just until he found a job. And that he could pay back as he could afford to.

In our present economic status it is better for a couple to help its other. Many has lost job because of this. And i am very sure that he is not the only person in that same situation. The more important is he has this effort to look for a new job.