What the heck?! Would you stay or would you go?
By ddhawkins63
@ddhawkins63 (682)
United States
April 3, 2009 7:38am CST
Okay, so I used to live with this guy and we were together seven years. He broke the engagement off two weeks before the wedding for a woman that I worked with. Then I found out yesterday that the jerk married her. Okay, she is a loud mouth tramp that thinks of nothing but herself. I on the other hand did everything in the world for him and boom, dumps me like so much trash.
That was okay after a while, I met a man that I love very much and I beleive that he loves me. Now we are four years into the relationship and he still hasn't asked me to marry him. Call me old fashioned or whatever but I think that marriage is an important step to take. I'm tired of being someones girlfriend, besides which, I am way too old for this freaking game.... He does everything in the world for me. I am happy other than the fact that we are not married and don't appear to be anywhere close to that step. I don't want to waste another seven years of my life with someone that has no intentions of sticking with it. I feel like not getting married is a way of saying, okay, you are good enough to sleep with but I don't want to make a life long committment to you.
I feel like there must be something wrong with me. I see women getting married every single day that treat their husbands like dirt. They are trampy little money diggers who treat other people like crap. I don't get it. Maybe I am too nice and need to change that attitude. You know, start thinking about myself all the time....
What would you all do? Would you stick it out with someone that is otherwise good to you or would you leave? Sometimes I think that I would rather live the rest of my life alone than to be someones nothing for the rest of my life.
10 responses
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Mistake #1 "...did everything in the world for him.
There could be more but we don't have the whole story. Usually people who "do everything" for their partner are also people who were smothering, clingy and needy in their relationship. The best way to know for sure would be to speak with your ex and ask him why.Tell him you aren't trying to get him back but you would like to know why so you the reason so you don't make the same mistakes in any future relationship.
1 person likes this
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Sorry I forgot to add somethings about the man you are with now you need to have a talk with him and see where he stands on marriage. I mean you have said your opinion on it. I honestly think that you do not need to have papers and a ceremony to stay with someone for life and see them as your spouse. The papers to me just makes me feel more like a piece of property than a wife. Ask him to marry you and see what he says about that.
@ddhawkins63 (682)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Yeah, we talk all the time about it.... He's not needy and neither am I, we rely on each other all the way. What bothers me is his lack to take action in order to ease my mind. If he intends to be with me forever, it has to include marraige. I guess I just answered my own question.... I don't choose to be with someone that doesn't want to get married. It's not my style at all. I hate this living together thing.... I should have known.... It's best just to be by myself so that I don't have to sit and wonder what's so wrong with me.
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
3 Apr 09
If I would have been in your place, I will accept what god has given me. See this man cares for you, at least you have some support in life. If you really feel like marrying then crop up the topic between the two of you, may be he might be also feeling similarly as you are feeling. Just ask, if he thinks you are not for life long commitment then better leave.
@ddhawkins63 (682)
• United States
3 Apr 09
I have talked to him about it many times. I have been trying to accept his feelings on it. I understand, sort of, where he is coming from because he had a very bad marriage before, but I am not her. In fact, I couldn't be further from the type of person that she is.... I deserve better than that. I feel like a second hand piece of trash if you want all honesty
@syankee525 (6261)
• United States
4 Apr 09
ask him to marry you.. heck its 2009
1 person likes this
@lorraine27 (271)
•
3 Apr 09
You need to take to him you have together for a long time. So this should be easy and if be was going to get scared off maybe he would of gone by now. So it shows he is sticking around. But you still need to know were you stand it's only far for the both of you. He may think you may not what thing cox of what happen in the past, or he could have fears off his own if you don't talk about it you will never know
1 person likes this
@abs072889 (16)
• United States
4 Apr 09
I would probably talk to him about the past relationship and how it ended and how you are worried about wasting your time with someone who has no intentions of making a commitment. Tell him how important it is for you to take the next step and become engaged, maybe there is a really small reason he hasn't asked and after talking about it, he just may.
1 person likes this
@laglen (19759)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Have you talked to him? This might clear things up. Otherwise, go with your values and your absolutely right. Next time, give these views up front and don't shack up!
@ddhawkins63 (682)
• United States
3 Apr 09
Yes, he knows my views on it. I'm not a young kid. I am 45 years old and just tired of men I guess. Tired of getting crapped on and my teeth kicked in and I don't understand it at all.....
@kevdiesel (129)
• Kenya
3 Apr 09
My dear there is nothing wrong wit u, some men dont want commitment, some hav had bad experiences, seen wat marriage has done to friends so they are like.."hey y would i want to go there?Wen my man is thinkin of gettin out..Forget it", its like that.. so sorry,
1 person likes this
@kevdiesel (129)
• Kenya
3 Apr 09
My dear there is nothing wrong wit u, some men dont want commitment, some hav had bad experiences, seen wat marriage has done to friends so they are like.."hey y would i want to go there?Wen my man is thinkin of gettin out..Forget it", its like that so sorry,
@GlobalCashMarketer (14)
• United States
4 Apr 09
I understand how you feel and I So Sorry that a good woman has to feel that way....I think u should bring it to his attention and see waht he says....Just because he doesnt marry you after four years doesnt mean he wasnt thinking about it nor does it mean that he wont....I agree with you marriage is a important step that I thinik all people shouls make eventually one day...but forcing the issue is a turn turn off from a mans perspective....Continue being sweet and kind but dont be a "pushover"....let him know your there through thick and thin no matter what and that you love him....Actions speak louder than words..remember that...so sticking with it is the best option if you ask me...everything happens for a reason...give it some time and be patient...and you'll get what you want
