the war

I too have had much the same experience with my very conservative Christian parents. When I was younger I drank alot which upset my parents who are tee-totalers. My father offered to pay for me to go to a Christian college but I wouldn't take him up on it. I had my first child at 25 unmarried and have since gone through 2 divorces. My parents have been supportive, but not agreeable with my lifestyle. I too, given a choice would have ended up a different person. I feel that 10 years later, I am in better graces with my parents being married to a good husband. However they would like me to go to church and I have tried, but it is such a different world than what I am used to! I feel alot like the black sheep in my family. I still feel like my father is disapproving and to this day. I sometimes lie to my family about church and I feel like I will never live up to the person that they want me to be. I feel bad and get anxious over this as having children I would like them to grow up to be a certain way and know that if they do not, I may have problems with that myself even having gone through the same experiences that I am scared my children will go through.