Why must they be so frustrating?
By katsmeow1213
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
United States
April 5, 2009 7:43am CST
I'm not kidding I think my children do it on purpose!! It totally kills me that they know better, but still do it anyways. It's mostly the oldest, it's always been him, he's always been the trouble maker in the house. I have to ask myself 20 times a day why he's so STUPID!! But then I remind myself, he's not stupid, he just ACTS stupid... and he does, honestly!!
Okay, well, this is why I'm frustrated at the moment: It's Sunday, usually my day to sleep in, but I didn't feel like sleeping in today. So instead I let my husband sleep in. The kids know that someone is usually sleeping in on Sundays, and they know that when mom or dad are sleeping, they need to be quiet. We go over this every Sunday. So I do my usual morning routine and then sit down to check my mail and such. Then I hear some noise coming from the back bedroom... a lot of noise! I get up to go see, well my chair creaks and makes noise, so whatever was going on in the back bedroom stopped the moment I got out of my chair. I sit down again, and the noise started back up. So this time I got up as quietly as I could. I poke my head out the door. My younger 4 children are sitting on the sofa watching TV as quietly as can be. But in the back bedroom is my oldest, 11 years old... will be 12 in a month, you'd think at that age they'd know better, right? Well he's got a little foam basketball, and he's tossing it through the hoop on the back of his door. But he's not just sitting there tossing the ball... no because that would be fine and wouldn't make noise... no!! He's pretending like he's in the dang final 4 with a dozen other guys around him. He's running around the room, bouncing himself off the bed, running up to the door to slam dunk.... and doing commentary all along too.
You can't tell me that he didn't realize he was making noise, especially when he stopped doing it the moment he heard me get up. You can't tell me he didn't know what he was doing was wrong!! This is why I'm frustrated! And you know, I'm out of punishments. Nothing works on him. He's in a time out right now, he's already had his PS2 taken away for previous offenses. I don't have much more I can do, but I will guarantee you he'll be doing the same thing later on.
Please let me know I'm not alone here! Tell me you have a child who purposely gets himself in trouble for no apparent reason. Better yet, tell me you had a child like that who still turned out to be a normal, civilized adult!!!
1 person likes this
8 responses
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
5 Apr 09
People talk all the time about how toddlers push boundaries and do the wrong thing just to see you react. What they leave out is that older children do this too. He may simply be trying to get a reaction out of you. Maybe he wants attention. Maybe he is frustrated with something else- something going on at school, a girl he likes, someone picking on him- could be anything. And he is feeling down or frustrated or rebellious. That is what children his age do. Punishments don't seem to have as much of an effect at this age because they are old enough to delay gratification and to speak their minds.
Try talking to him at a time when he is behaving (you don't want to do it when he misbehaves and give him the idea that his behavior can be excused because of other things going on in his life) to see if there is anything on his mind that may be contributing to the behavior. Maybe just knowing that you are available and getting it out will help him to feel better.
At any rate, do not stop giving consequences, and don't make him think you are backing off because he is being relentless. He needs to know exactly where the boundaries are and that they are not budging. They'll never admit it, but children want boundaries. They want you to set rules and limits, as much as they need it. It makes them feel secure, because they know what to expect. Don't be fooled into thinking there is nothing you can do about it.
Most preteen and teen children behave this way at one time or another. Some take it to the extreme, but as long as the boundaries are there, they will come around and ease off a bit. And yes, they do grow up to be civilized adults.
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
5 Apr 09
Yes, because older children should know better. And they do know better. Even as adults we sometimes do things we know we shouldn't do, and we can't explain why, the temptation is there. When toddlers do it, we know it's because they haven't yet learned exactly where the boundaries are. And they continue to do it even when we think they should know by now. It's human nature to push sometimes. It is our job as parents to teach them that those actions will have consequences.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Apr 09
Thanks for your words of wisdom. I know toddlers and little kids do it too, but that doesn't frustrate me nearly as much because when a little kid does it you say to yourself "Aww... he doesn't know any better" But when an older child does it you say "What on earth was he thinking?"
@Anne18 (11029)
•
5 Apr 09
My 11 year old son is very frustrating and does things like your son and has to be told so many times about one thing etc.
I don't think it is an age thing in my son's case, I can't wait in some ways until he is an adult because I don't thing he should have been born a child but been born an adult.. are you with me.
But he is a wonderful boy and we all love him to bits.
Hang in there, that is what we are doing!!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Apr 09
Glad to know I'm not alone. My younger ones do it too, but not nearly as much, and I can sort of understand it when they do it because they're still little kids.
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
8 Apr 09
Testing those limits!!!!! One of these days you may just quit caring and he will get away with it....... how else will he know unless he tests you to find out?
Why some kids get that 'testing the limits' streak in them and others don't???? It's these kids you feel tempted to say "I'll never stop loving you, no matter what you do. So stop trying me."
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
9 Apr 09
I never tested my limits, which is probably part of why I find this so frustrating. I respected authority and was terrified of getting in trouble and even cried whenever a teacher would correct me. So I just don't comprehend what he's doing or why he's doing it. To me it's mind boggling!
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
5 Apr 09
Sounds like my 9 year old son. He is always doing things that he knows he will get into trouble for. Sometimes even 5 minutes after I tell him NOT to do something he will be doing it. If you ask him why he is doing something that he knows will get him into trouble he simply answers with an "I don't know." It is very frustrating.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
5 Apr 09
Yep, that's all I get too is "I don't know". I've stopped asking why he does things, but my husband will spend hours upon hours trying to get a real answer out of him. "Why'd you do it?" "I don't know" "That's not an answer, why'd you do it?" "I don't know"
Eventually I get to a point where I tell them both to shut up!!! "Doesn't matter why he did it, this is his punishment, now please get on with your lives!"
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
8 Apr 09
Of course he will grow up to be a wonderful adult! They go through these phases and my guess is that he is probably a litle jealous of his siblings too. do I have the answer? No. Except to reassure you that he will grow out of it. Cannot respond to many posts as am without a pc that is working well. Probably won't be online much until after Easter. Praise hoim when he does somehting well. Praise can work wonders sometimes. One Love
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
9 Apr 09
Well if it is a phase for him, he's been going through it his whole life! I do hope he grows out of it soon because it's so stressful sometimes!
Hope you get more time to come around soon, you are missed.
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Oh yes. That's because it's their job in life to try our patience to the utmost. My daughter used to do it to me. She was always quiet and sweet. And also bull headed and passive aggressive. When she was old enough to do dishes, it became one of her chores. She could take 1/2 an hour to do one dish. Trying to outwait her was useless. We could be up until midnight, just doing 5 plates and cups!! I tried not to scream, but sometimes... I literally went outside to bay at the moon!!! (Before I could smack her...) Any chore, anywhere, no matter how little time it took, or should take, could take HOURS. Once she called the neighbors cause I was outside screaming. They didn't understand then, but now they have a son who's her age then. They know. Oh boy, do they know now!!
She's 19 now, and everywhere she's worked has commented on what a fast and conscientious worker she is. (I'm going "WHAT THE..." lol)
My nephews. We built a 2 story playhouse (hubs idea, he likes to build). The upper story had wooden posts all around and a slide going down. I know my nephies, monkeys have nothing on them. I told hubs he had to put thick fencing all around that second floor. He did. The boys came over, and I spoke forcefully to them about staying inside the fence up there. I said it about 5 times.
They went out. I looked outside 2 minutes later, and every one of those 5 little monsters were hanging on the OUTSIDE of that fence. I wasn't really surprised.
3 of those boys are married now. 2 of them have children. Every time one of them complains about something their kids do, their mother and I just laugh and laugh. Not a lot of sympathy there!! But they have good jobs and support their families. So there is hope. (There's even hope you'll get to laugh at them when Bill Cosby's Curse comes home to roost with them!!) Vengeance is a sweet thing, it really is!
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Great stories. My son is the same way with his chores, and not only that, but he has about 4 or 5 chores, and he'll do half of them and think I won't notice that he didn't do the rest.
My daughter is really slow with everything she does, like your daughter was. It takes her 3 hours just to eat her dinner! It's nuts.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
6 Apr 09
Take heart…I am with you on this all the way! By now I am used to my son being purposefully naïve about most things he’s not supposed to do and I just laugh it off. I mean I am thru with shouting and explaining and telling him about being responsible and so on. And then are they clever…I should say ‘cunning’ even though I may sound like the evil witch…but yes, children are cunning and sly and know the consequences of their actions. What beats me though is WHY do they do it…why don’t they try to be good to us when we do so much for them! Wise owls (read child psychologists) say that children hanker for attention and to just ignore them…will someone tell me just HOW much more attention they need and can we REALLY ignore them?!
@celticeagle (166911)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Apr 09
Kids are so cute! They sure know all the right buttons to push. Sure they do it on purpose. Got keep things mixed up and some are awnrier than others. Got to love them though! They need to know they must respect you. You should check out this link for help in disciplining him:
http://www.loveandlogic.com/
It is great! Sure helped me with a very unruly child.
