mother -sonor husband wife?????????which relationship is more important???????i

There has only been one time that my mother in law and I got into it. Hubby didn't know who to side with. When he talked to his dad about being in the middle of the situation, his dad just looked at him and asked, Which woman do you have to live with everyday, and which one do you sleep with at night?I think that just about says it all.

This is a tough one but I know the answer. Its not about taking sides but about understanding the situation from third person's point of view. The ma every right to protest and reason with his wife for whatever she does and she doesn't but at the end of the day he must realize that his wife has left her family to come and live with him with the conviction that she would be taken care of. You would be surprised to know that in a recent survey that we have been doing, we found that a vast majority of the problem is because of the mother-in-laws!! It's a disheartening case of saas-bahu feud where in most cases the sons take sides of their mothers!!

Well this is a tricky one and I think it depends on the cause of the fight. Mothers should not interfere between husband and wife and wives should not interfere between mothers and sons. They are both important relationships but a husband should never let a marriage die because his mother does not like his wife. I have seen this happen in cases where the mother wanted to control her sons life and it ruined everything. If the problem is between the mother and the wife then the husband should side with this wife. If she is wrong then it can be worked out when everyone is calmer but what does he do if the mother is deliberately causing trouble. After all he has to live with his wife not his mother.

Hmm... Typical problems between husbands & wives and in-laws hehe.. I am the opposite, if I were the husband I would side to who ever is right. Even if it's going to be my mom and I will hurt my wife. I will just explain to her where she went wrong later. Siding with my mom doesn't mean that I am not with my wife or I am against her. It doesn't mean too that the vows we made are broken or anything like that. My decisions will just be based on what the situation calls for. Ciao!

Hello my friend riyasam Ji, I may slightly differ on your ways. Let's examine the issue scientifically. Let's find out from the grass-root. From where wife came. ;Wife' came after marriage of son, then from where 'son' came. Son was born to mother, who was absolutely wife of some one. So root cause is mother. As you explained wife could be explained her mistakes at later stage by husband, wht not same rule applies to mother. As wife would be much youngers to mothers in age and more understandable comparing mother. I think 'Mothetr' is a supreme and above all. Who is also not supposed to go wrong. May God bless you and have a great time.

I have the same issue ,but I think we do not like to make husbands stand at this position and to face this choice, it'll make him galling and if your husband is a resposible man ,he'll feel difficult to choose,and most of him will stand at his mother.so we just can control ourselves and to get along well with his mother though is an uneasy thing ,he can't choose his mother but wife .so If you love your lover also accept his parents.

in our culture once you marry you become independent of your parents, you life is with your wife and therefore your most important relationship must be with your wife and mother of your child. When parents interfere it causes lots of problems sometimes leading to divorce.

Hi! Riya! For a husband both his mother and wife are equally important. It will be unfair for him to take side either with his mother or wife. If he takes side with his mother and favours his mother's opinion, his wife will get annoyed and if he takes side with his wife, his mother may think - [i]"Look, I spent my whole life to bring my son up and instead of respecting me, he is taking side with his wife, who is new to this house in my comparison"[/i. A husband's position remains like a tongue between two layers of teeth (upper and lower rows) and he is likely to be beaten by either of the two rows of teeth and sometimes by both. Please try to understand the situation from a 'husband's point of view, he just cannot displease either of the two. He needs to maintain a fine balance between her mother and wife and if he is supposed to take side of either of the two, he should use all his widom and experience to tackle the situation. You are a wife, therefore, you are right in your opinion that a husband should take wife's side at the first instance. However, when one day, you yourself will become a mother-in-law, your opinion might change and you may expect your son to take your side. Quite an interesting discussion in which you may get different opinions.

I dont think I should come first as a mother or as a wife. I think that my son (as a mother) or my husband (as a wife) should side with the one that is right or stay out of it. My mother in law lives on another continent so we dont see much of each other. We have had few disagrements but its mainly small things nothing that anyone had to step in. She is 68 years old I am 28 she comes from a very small town I come from a very large town. She is somewhat traditional so am I but I mix modern and traditional and make adjustments. That is where things get out of hand with us. And my husband explains things to her and that it is (or to me). I would hate to think that he is suporting me just because he has to share bed with me. After all she gave birth to him and has every right to be involved (to a point) in his life.

Hi Riya, I am sorry, this time I can’t agree with you. If am in the son’s position, I will analyze it my own and find out who is right and who is wrong and definitely I would take part with right people. A mother –son/daughter relation is always great but it does not mean that wife is less important. For a son both are important and if the mother is wise she may help her son because she must be matured by age and experience. But the son’s position is always questioned either by wife or by mother and I think it is the duty of the wife to do justice to the mother-in-law and if she can support her husband then there is no problem may arise.

Hello! Though it is a difficult question to answer I must go with my wife in case a rift arises between my mother and wife because I will have to live with her for the whole life.She is my life partner and my mother has done her duty for me for which of course I shall take adequate care of her.But not at the cost of my future life.I must sacrifice my love to my mother for the sake of my love for my wife.In such case the relationship of husband-wife prevails.thanx.

Both relationships are important. It is good to settle the matter for both. If I have to decide, I will not choose any of the two because bot of them are important. I have to exert effort that everything will be fine with the mother and the partner.It takes patience and understanding to stand our ground but you will never have peace if you choose one of them, it must be both of them. So things must be settled.

When a couple leave their family and take each other in marriage loyalty should go first to the marriage. There are many conflicts between wife and mother, a smart man handles just as you stated, supports his wife and discuss the situation in private. It might be a little chancy to tell her, she's wrong, be careful doing that.

This is the order....God, husband or wife, child, country.......mother is just before counry....got it ....it is Bibical....This isn't hard....you took vows and not with your mom....sorry....just love her in her order......

Yes, husband should always side for the wife though in our Indian family scenario, it is quite difficult. Even if the mother is not an absolute tyrant, she often misunderstands her son’s devotion towards herself if he sides with his wife. Understanding from a mother’s point of view (esp. Indian mothers) it is no less of a grand betrayal if the son on whom she has spent everything, suddenly ‘changes’ post marriage. Its all a lot of immaturity of both sides and a feeling of insecurity also creeps in as many old parents or widowed mothers are financially dependent on their sons. Personally, my husband has always been by my side and when my son grows up and marries, I will understand that his wife would and should be his priority in life from then on and NOT his mother/parents.

I am with you on this one. If the spouse turns out to be wrong, they should discuss it in private. I think it is the duty of both spouses to defend eachother because, as you said, they vowed to stick together as one. They are also adults, separate from parents, no longer joined at the apron strings.

A husband should always stick with his wife and a wife should always stick with her husband. Then they can change their mind if one of them is wrong, but then it will be that they thought about it some more, and it is not that mother said so. If one always sides with his mother, then if the wife agrees, the mother-in-law will have that "see you are as smart as me," or if the wife changed her mind and agreed, the mother=in-law wlll take credit and the wife will not feel that good. So it is easier for husbands and wives to go along with each other, and then if one decides he or she is wrong, it is their decision and no one else's.

I am Christian. My bible that I read tells me that a man should leave his mother and cling to his wife. My husband has never taken his mother's side against me. I will never take my mother's side against my husband. I love my mother and I respect her, but I am married to Mike, and I honor the vows we took. Now, that being said. I also think it depends on the circumstances. My husband has never done anything to dishonor my mother, so I've never really been put in that particular situation. But, I do believe that communication is the key here!

I would not agree that the husband has to side the wife if she is wrong. Depending on the situation and depending on who is right or wrong the husband has to make decisions in the matter. May be because I have never been in this situation that is why you may say it is easier for me to say so. In my case it was my mom-in-law and me versus my hubby!!!! And my mom and hubby versus me.