Is it fair to pay back in the same coin?

Hi Dpk..No I am not of the opinion that we should pay back in the same coin when our near and dear ones forget to reciprocate to our greetings which we sent to them on special occasions....Well when I was a kid I used to treasure the birthday and greeting cards that I received and meticuloulsy sent back greetings to all my friends and relatives.I also used to feel bad when a particular person failed to greet me,and used to bear a grudge against that person..... But now I have realised that true relationships are hard to find ,wehther it be relatives or friends,and hence precious...So I happily sent greetings to my loved ones and do not keep a tab on the greetings I receive....I know they may have forgotten to sent greetings on a particular day,and if the person is really close to me,I do not hesitiate to give a hint before hand that a greeting is due to me from that person,so that there will be no cause for heart breaks and ill feelings later on...after all life is short and it is up to each one of us to savour all the good moments and try to reduce ill feelings and grudges to the minimum......

hi deepak,i am really guilty of this,sometimes i am not able to respond back(maybe because i am lazy) but then many of my friends do wish and my family on their birthdays.some i do respond back back but some i donot,not because i have less affection for them but because i know they wont be offended and that their love for me runs deep.

Very nice post Deepak,- I can share a lot with you here.First ofall, let me say it is very commendable of you to do this.Next comes other elaborations.Deepak! I for one, used to believe in wishing near and dear ones on their birthdays[especially very close people--son and husband excluded because we are one family--and I am talking about others, like siblings,friends etc..,]and anniversaries and this practice is something that I have followed for a very long time.But, there came a stage when I got cheesed off with statements like''Kala alwa---ys remembers all thesena" but there was no reciprocity whatsoever,..There is not a soul among these to wish me on my birthday or think of my family[[meaning --these people to whom I had diligently sent my greetings come what may]or anniversary.So It was a bit hurtful when I saw no reciprocity [I carried on for 30 years with all noble intentions but now I have come to the conclusion like your friend.The only difference is that I would not say' then only they will realize their mistakes.'--I would NEVER say this because there is no mistake here.They have their priorities and do not believe in exchanging these small gestures.So BE it.If they thought that is important then they would do it.It does not mean that they are vile or malicious.It is just an attitude.So, we either have to do it wothout any expectations and be happy about it.Or else just stop it and restrict to people who reciprocate. I have found another solution too to my hurt--meaning I just do it for my ownself and do NOT expect anything from them .Iwould mentally will myself for total indifference from the other party and then just do it because I remember.[I dd it for 30 years and there are special instances where I still do behave like what you do, but essentially, for the totally indifferent category I have changed my behaviour in order to avoid hurt to myself. You try mentioning it in passing to these people who dont reciprocate Deepak--[in a veiled way or in a playful manner and if they say''I don't expect anyone else to do it; they do it on their own" --then it is an indication of how insensitive people can be. Then why show sensitivity to insensitive people Deepak!Anything needs care and attention to detail;we are all human .As I told you using words like 'repay' is too strong becasue it is not a crime.People have different priorities.So, we would also keep their best interests at heart and go our way.We do like them but whether we should take that little bit of extra effort becomes a matter of our own capability of maintaining peace and nobility in the face of insensitivity. Incidentally, if it is anyone's b'day at home my best wishes.If it is your anniversary'Happy anniversary'! If not, then consider my wishes as advance wishes for the impending occasion. Sorry if I have bored you with my long post.

I very often forget to wish my friends and their families on birthdays and anniversaries. I do not maintain any diary for birthdays and occasions and only depend on memory which is very bad and is going worse by the day. Very often I have forgotton to wish my best friends on their birthdays and recently I wished a friend 20 days in advance for his birthday!!! I do not give much importance to who has wished me on my birthday. But if I happen to remember anyone's birthday I do make it a point to wish them.

I think there too many 'shoulds' in our society and a lot of the time things are done out of obligation instead of from the heart. I like to extend good wishes or give a gift when I feel it would warm my heart to do so irrespective of whether it will be reciprocated. In my opinion a gift is not a true gift unless it is given without any expectation of return. A lot of my family members give presents at Christmas all the while grumbling what an annoying exercise gift shopping is and it is obviously done out of obligation only and I find that extremely annoying! I think life is a lot more peaceful when we give without expectation. I don't necessarily return a good wish just to repay someone but possibly because it has made my heart sing to receive it in the first place! Life is about perception I think...

you could just do it in your way and disregard your friend's suggestion,life is giving rather than receiving,we should not expect too much greetings from our friends,a guy who could lend us a hand when we seriously neened is our real friend,a good wishes or greetings are good gestures but not that important to me.just my thoughts

Hi dpk, for me it is nice and fair as well, for the both parties to pay back in the same coin to wish the opposite sides by greeting them before or on their birthday or wedding anniversary. I don’t blame my loved ones, relatives and friends as well, if they do not extend their wishes to me in return. I know sometimes I would forget to extend my greeting to them as well, if I am really busy or engrossed in doing some other essential affairs. Yeah, they would experience the same situation as well. So I would keep on sending my greeting to them in the coming birthday or wedding anniversary day as usual. I know I won’t feel happy if I do everything systematic, just follow the fixed and unchangeable way. I’m afraid that others won’t feel in this way, so we would better make a conspicuous mark on the important dates of our loved ones and good friends on the big calendar posting and have a nice day.

Hi Deepak, Usually I can remember birthdays/anniversaries of friends and relatives if once they told me about it. And very rarely did I forget to wish them in time, may be something happened suddenly and I got busy with that otherwise I like to extend my wishes irrespective of their reciprocation. But my drawback is, in case I forgot to convey my wishes; I may think that, they are not wishing me so why should I worry or no problem… …. May be I am taking an advantage on their failures … (lol), but I agree it is my drawback eventhough I am not doing the same intentionally. But I do not bother whether they are wishing me or not.

Hello... Some people are just not as thoughtful as others, therefore, we cannot possibly expect them to remember our birthdays and other special occasions. I do not really mind when few of my friends forget to greet me on my birthday. It is a good thing though that most of them take the time to give their greetings, for I really appreciate it. It is heartwarming when friends and families remember our special days. It makes us feel elated. But then, people differ from one another. We have our own ways of showing our sincerity. I guess we should accept our friends as they are, including their ways or means of showing warmth and affection. Have a great day! Weng

My general feeling is like paying back the same coin. If you are not giving me wishes on occasions then you will not get it from me too. I have been of that kind of a person who used to give greeting irrespective of whether I get something in return or not but later I count how many messages I used to get and found that I got only 1 or two. That really hurt me and now I am only giving wishes if they are responsive.

Hello deepak! I believe that in everything we do, we should be recognized. If not for money, maybe for appreciation. In extending birthday wishes, I am generous in giving it. If the person forgot to greet me a "happy birthday", I will still greet her. But if it happen three times, probably, I guess it's intentionally and probably won't greet her on her birthday either. I am sorry it took me so long to reply deepak, I am out here for two week for easter vacation.

Hi deepak! I don't expect anything back when I gift them. If they do it's nice but I think it might be rude to expect it. Ido the things I do because it makes me feel good and that is usually award enough to me. I have had my feelings hurt before when someone close has forgotten my birthday but that doesn't mean I will forget theirs. Everyone makes mistakes and I don't think I was forgotten on purpose.

Hey , what you are doing is good and required a broad mind to do so. I too feel we should not pay back others with the same coin

it is not fair to pay back in same coin.as if ur nearone forget to wish u or ur child then it may be possible that he forget.but it is not good if u do same with him because sometimes it may be possible that he didnot do intentiatlly he really for got so dont do the same but yes it is equally important to remind him his mistake as it will help him next time not to forget

This is nice question and pertinent too. we are living in a time when we think we hardly have any time to do all this things! But I believe it all comes down to your intention and we can always manage little time for most of us kind of drag on the time. 'Paying back in the same coin' is a nice phrase but its something that I never use except in my writings. I would never do the things that I find disheartening when coming from others. How can I bite back when I know it bleeds bad! And as you have said, may be I am a fool too! we both are Deepak. But I would love being a fool as long as I can afford to. Its feels good to be stupid at times. However, if someone doesn't like my company and is trying to ignore me , I would make things easier for him without creating and butter circumstances. Time and again, people had asked me why am I so passive, so cool and I have only one answer: PEACE is all I need.

well for me, i am not very used to not greeting my friends. i love to greet them in occasions and i guess it is always true for some, most of the people here or i know in real life because most will only greet you back when you greet them and there are others who dont care less about your greetings, these are the people that gets deleted in my phone book. ha ha it is always better to show appreciation and greetings to those(and only those) that is also concerned about you..

Good lord pal - your dearest friend must be very bitter about not having received wishes in the past from his nearest and dearest. Personally I agree with you. I keep an online record of everyone's birthday and anniversaries, etc, and have a reminder sent at least a week in advance to remind me to send a wish. Obviously with immediate family like my parents and brother (and hubby obviously) I don't need reminders but I make sure I get alerts for everyone to make double sure that I don't forget. I send greetings and wishes to literally dozens of people who rarely remember to reciprocate but that's not an issue for me, even they might say that they don't bother to celebrate their birthday but for me, I get pleasure out of wishing them on their special days regardless of whether or not they wish me back. It's a ME thing - I want to make the gesture so I do :)

I do agree on you, although its not fair that you receive as much as you give it doesn't matter. Me, like you is a different person. I have my own decision and sometimes life is not what we expected, the more you give the less return but that don't bother me. What is important is being yourself, you love your friends whatever flaws they have. If they forget they are only human, i must have understand it. It is never important to me if they value some of my love what matter is I love them.

I know you won't follow your friend's advice. For you have your own mind. You have a very clever way of looking at things. Am sure you set a good example to others. If somebody treated you like you would never have treated him. Does this one person make all he rest of mankind the same? Does that warrant retaliatory approach on your part? Many person think that meekness or kindness of any kind is a sign of weakness. Should that bother you when you know it's not true. It is only people with kind hearts and big minds that understand how temporary our sojourn is, so if there be any kindness you may show or any good thing you can do, do it now, for you will not pass this way again.

Life gets in the way of many things including birthdays of family and friends. I have been guilty of forgetting just as my family and friends have forgotten mine. I don't hold it against them and this does not mean I will forget theirs. I turn the other cheek on many occasions - life is just too short not to.