Who do you talk to after a fight with your partner?
By cortypants
@cortypants (604)
United States
April 11, 2009 3:03pm CST
Do you keep it to yourself? Call your mom? Best friend? Personally, I usually talk to my best guy friend. He calms me down by explaining what's going on in my boyfriend's head, playing devil's advocate a little. For some reason, hearing explanations from a third party helps me calm down and understand a little better than when it's coming from my boyfriend. If I call my mom or a girlfriend, they will generally agree with everything I say, and say things like, "Boys are stupid". But my best guy friend will say, "you were wrong, too.." or, "you are over reacting here!" .. things the girls won't say, even if they are true! So, who do you talk to after a fight?
4 people like this
28 responses
@angelbelle578 (1635)
• Philippines
11 Apr 09
I only keep it to my self. One time i ask mylotter for their opitions and they helped. I got a little understanding about her side.
1 person likes this
@cortypants (604)
• United States
11 Apr 09
That's why I ask my guy friend for advice, so I can get a better understanding of his side.
1 person likes this
@anjel016 (329)
• Philippines
11 Apr 09
Apparently our fight is happening more often than they used to be. And whenever this happens, I'm not telling anybody else. Although there are times that I seek advices from others but none of them are directly related to me nor my partner. Most likely posting it here in myLot or some other forum. I'm not an open person so I'd prefer solving it myself but I'm not closing my mind for any advices available.
1 person likes this
@cortypants (604)
• United States
11 Apr 09
Sometimes I think it's easier to talk to a stranger than someone you know! It's easier to be honest and open with someone you don't have to face every day. :D
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I haven't had that problem in quite a while. When I did, I sometimes talked to my best friend but mostly not. I found it better all around if I talked directly to the man that I had the issue with. I am real big on the importance of communication in a relationship. I also don't like bringing other people into our problems.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I agree, communication is very important in relationships. I sometimes need someone outside the relationship to help me see both sides of the issue, so I don't get hung up on my side onl
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
12 Apr 09
Well, we don't really have fights. I do have someone I can talk to who is trained in active listening but like I said we don't really have disagreements. In fact his new thing is if I sound like I am even remotely aggravated with him he will exaggerate what he is doing until we are both laughing about it. He can drive me nuts but we never really fought.
I will tell you that it takes two to tango so if you are not taking the high road to be the bigger person then your guy friend may be right about you being wrong too.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
Hey, Canellita! We don't fight often, but when we do it gets messy, I have an Irish temper and I will freely admit that I am wrong half the time at the very least! That's why I need my bff to explain it to me here and there. I can get so hopped up on the "principle of it" that I lose sight of what we are even talking about. LOL. He's really not the evil troll I pretend he is, that's why I love him
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
12 Apr 09
As long as he truly and madly loves you back it's all good as far as I am concerned!
@angel4u49 (17)
• United States
13 Apr 09
Trust me u have a relationship that alout of us whish we had, I do have a girlfriend i can go to. It is very difficult to find a guy that special, most times they end up wanting more than friendship. I envy u, hold on to that friend, is he on mylot maybe i can use him sometime.(lol lol) Take care
@cortypants (604)
• United States
15 Apr 09
LOL, I am lucky to have him as a friend, if he didn't live so far away from me things might have worked out differently. As it stands, I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all! He's not on mylot, unfortunately, but I will let him know he is wanted!
@angel4u49 (17)
• United States
15 Apr 09
lol. Sweety, everything works out the way it does for a reason. I gess God alone knows y he is so far from u. It could be that God knows it would not workout between the two of u and that kind of frienship u would not get anywhere else. You know what i mean, who would u call if the two of u had a problem. Think about that. Peace, keep smiling.
@cbhomework (545)
• Malta
12 Apr 09
I know this may sound strange, but I used to call my uncle because he had a way of seeing things that are so different than mine. He didnt agree with me or with him, just told me to to understand each other and be patient. Nowadays, I keep some things to myself, mainly to see why I have reacted to a fight or to see if after all, I was the one at fault. Obviously, in biggggg fights, I go back to my uncle's listening qualities :)
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
It's not strange, we all have someone we lean on and ask advice from, for me it's my grandmother. But not for relationships, if I told her my boyfriend upset me she'd be on the phone with his grandmother in a heartbeat! LOL.
@cbhomework (545)
• Malta
12 Apr 09
Ok, i see grandma knows her stuff very well and would do anything to protect you!! Haha!! I can imagine them fighting about their niece and nephew :)
Good luck with your man, relationships are never easy, but love is a wonderful thing :)
@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
13 Apr 09
When my husband and I have a fight, we usually try to settle things among us, but if things get really heated or gets out of hand, we have an accountability couple, our pastor and his wife, whom we approach for cousel and advice. It helps to have an older, more experienced couple to guide us and help us settle issues.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
15 Apr 09
That's a wonderful thing to have! I think I would probably fight less about trivial things if I knew I had to explain why we were fighting to our pastor! LOL.
@kriszelunka (557)
• Australia
14 Apr 09
I'm lucky in that I've never had a fight with my partner. Occasionally we'll disagree about something, but it's never turned into an argument. We simply sit down together and discuss why we feel the way we do and either compromise, or agree to disagree.
I think if we did have an argument though, I wouldn't really talk to anyone about it though, as I'd prefer to work through things with my partner, rather than talk about it with someone else.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I don't fight very often, but it seems when we finally do end up in a fight it's a bad one. However, I think it's healthy to have it out once in awhile and let out frustrations and things that we have been holding on to. It's sort of cleansing. I hope to one day be peaceful enough in my soul to not have to argue with people, but I don't see that day coming anytime soon!
@Reyah23 (640)
• Philippines
12 Apr 09
My only person that i can talk to if my relationship with my boyfriend is on the rock is my bestfriend. I always confine on her. And she gave me advise that is really lighten me and helpful for my relationship with my boyfriend.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
13 Apr 09
Aren't best friends wonderful? Where would we be without them? :D I guess that's why they're best friends!
@cortypants (604)
• United States
13 Apr 09
Good for you!! When I fight I'm too emotional to talk with a clear head. I have to call someone to calm me down or wait a day or two to get my emotions in check!
@baileyq (67)
• Philippines
13 Apr 09
I usually tell my mom because she doesn't always agree with me or tell me what I want to hear. When my dad was alive, though, I usually told him my problems. But I find that the best person to talk to is the one you had a fight/argument with. Just talk it over calmly and see his point of view. See yourself the way he sees you, and don't get so angry if it's not a very nice picture, because it only means that that's the way you project yourself. It would be great, of course, if he can also put himself in your shoes.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
15 Apr 09
I find myself needing someone who's uninvolved to put things in perspective for me, it's hard for me to be unemotional and look at things from anyone else's side when I'm already upset, LOL! Once I've calmed down in a day or so I can usually see things clearly, but in the heat of the moment I act rashly!
@sandymay48 (2030)
• Canada
12 Apr 09
Hi Cortypants. Since we dont have the problem of fighting, I dont have to worry about who I would tell. We just dont fight period. We may not always agree but when we dont, one or the other will usually give in...(him)...lol..just kidding..and sometimes we just agree to disagree. I guess we have grown enough to handle our own problems and dont feel the need to include others or seek their help. We are very lucky in that we have such a close and honest great relationship. Im sure we will continue this way for the rest of our lives.
@pameehubsch (95)
• Philippines
13 Apr 09
Hi cortypants! Well, after a fight with my boyfriend, I usually talk to my best girl friend and best guy friend. Hehe! For me, that is to equal the reactions and opinions. Yes, mother or girl friends would have agreed to our sentiments. But sometimes, they have their own experiences too. And a best guy friend can help us realize that guys will always be guys. =)
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
A lot of the time it seems to be easier to talk to a stranger or even post something online than it is to talk to close friends or family. That way you can get an opinion that's completely unbiased and not have to face the people who know your business!
@iamsolucky (1241)
• Philippines
12 Apr 09
I do self examination, i write my thoughts, feelings in a notebook after a fight. i will think of the good and sweet memories together, i will think how much i love him, that way anger dont rule in my heart and will make peace instead of war. After doing that, i feel going to my calmer nature and can start the conversation without yelling.
happy mylotting and smile always!
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
That's a great idea, writing it in a notebook to calm down. It does help to remember the good points and not the bad. That's a great attitude!
@bren_yrra (354)
• Philippines
12 Apr 09
Whenever we have misunderstanding with my partner, I just keep it by myself. I just try to resolve by myself.Maybe I need to improve myself or need to understand him.Most of the time I keep it alone but there was a time when I shared a little bit about the situation to someone who is closed to me since she asked about it and showed her concern and it helped.Simply listening to me was a big help me on that moment.Her hug and advises made me to treasure more our friendship.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
She sounds like a wonderful friend! You are lucky to have her, and she's lucky to have you!
@wxo200345 (101)
• China
12 Apr 09
after a fight, i usually feel annoying and worried, unfortnately i have no one to talk with for my best friend work far away, i don't like to talk on phone. at the sametime i would like to worry about my gril friend although we just fighted with each. so i will review my action and speaking then call her and apologize for my mistake. soon we will get well .
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
Sometimes all you need is to step back a bit and calm down to see the bigger picture. But sometimes it seems better to talk to someone outside your situation to get an opinion :D
@smitadash1234 (13)
• India
12 Apr 09
talking to myself,deciding whether the fighting with d partner makes him.her out of my life,so to keep silent for few mntsthen sending a love emotional sms to him/her after tht to calll with a jollymood not discussing on the topic which started the fighting between us,then to ananlyses the topic & to conclude who was wrong.
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
Sometimes changing the subject or agreeing to disagree can be the best choice!
@vakteprashant (1)
• India
12 Apr 09
i dont know about anyone else.....bt i jst say sorry to her.......nthng mattes whose mistake was there at dat time.....
@cortypants (604)
• United States
12 Apr 09
That's a very nice and mature attitude! Most of us are not mature enough to swallow our pride and say we are sorry. For some reason, blame gets to be more important than love! :(
