Feeling like I don't belong
By beachstarz
@beachstarz (1092)
United States
April 17, 2009 3:32pm CST
Hi everyone , Most of our friends smoke , and like to get together often for cocktails . Since I quit smoking 21 days ago , and I've never cared for drinking
I'm finding myself feeling more and more like a 3rd wheel . I'm wondering now if my old friends find my not smoking or drinking boring . Should I keep going around the old friends , even though I feel I'm boring them , or should I distant myself and look for new friends that are not into smoking and drinking ?
Honestly being around the smoking and drinking is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable . It is making me wish I didn't quit smoking sometimes .
I am not about to start smoking again , for no reason though .. that isn't a worry . I'm wondering if my feelings are normal . If anyone else has quit something and then felt like they didn't fit in , or know where they belong ?
4 people like this
11 responses
@CharleneRB (125)
• Canada
18 Apr 09
First of all CONGRADULATIONS on 21 days and counting! We are so very proud of you and the enormous challenge that you have taken on and are dealing with;}
Secondly it is perfectly normal that you would feel "uncomfortable" around certain social standings right now. You have made a HUGE lifestyle change and it will affect the way that you see and deal with certain things forever but that doesn't mean that you have to drop your old crowd because of it. It does mean that a few changes on their part certainly won't hurt and may even encourage them to at least think about what is going on around them...
For example if you are having a particularly "sensitive" day and just can't deal with the smoking and drinking offer up another choice of venue for the nights entertainment -how about a movie,dinner and dancing, some kind of charity event that will take you and your friends away from the "usual" and help out with a good cause-you get the idea have fun with it.
If this fails let you husband and closest friend know how you honestly feel and let them know that you could use some support for those pesky situations....
Be well, be happy and enjoy your time.........
Charlene
@playapal (894)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Hi beachstarz, you are never a third wheel around me! I don't care if you smoke or drink at all. It's the great person that you are that draws me to you! Don't ever think that your friends don't like you because you don't smoke. Speaking for myself I only have admiration for your willpower and hope that some of it will wear off on me. I'm sure that your feelings are normal, it's always difficult when you make changes in your life. You are doing a wonderful job, keep it up!
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi playapal, aww thanks . It's not you personally . It is mainly when I'm around groups of friends . I can handle one or two friends at a time. When there is a table full of people drinking and lighting up , I just feel like I shouldn't be there , I don't feel a part of it .
1 person likes this
@carmella (496)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Wow, that is a tough question. For me personally, I really would not want to give up my friends only because they drink and smoke. However, if I had just recently quite drinking or smoking, then I would certainly have to distance myself from anyone doing that until I was over the hump.
21 days in MHO is not long enough to be without a cig. I have been a non smoker for 12 years now, and I have quite many times over the 20+ years that I did smoke. I made it to 11 months and 2 weeks once even, and caved! It is true what they say that you are not truely a non smoker until you have been without for a full year!
It is truely a hard habbit to break, and stay away from. Hubby quite last year in Jan, then in July someone upset him really bad, (he suffers depression), and he started smoking again. He is still smoking now, and desperately fighting to quite again, and finding that it is much harder than it was last year! I found the same thing true for me the half dozen times that I quite, it can take years to be able to quite again if you go back.
So, I guess my point is, if you go around your friends that are smoking, then you most likely will start again, unless you have some intense will power.
Now if you are using a patch or something, then you are not dealing with the cravings that those of us who cold turkey it go through, and in that case, if you can deal with the smell of the smoke, (a day will come that the smell is over powering), then go and have a great time with your friends.
I would not find new friends. If you are going cold turkey, just try planning events with your friends where you all are outside, in more open areas and space, maybe that would help you feel momfortably that you are not smoking too.
It really is going to all depend on you, and what makes you feel comfortable. If your friends are reue friends, they will be there for you, and help you.
Hope this helps ![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi carmella , After hearing what everyone has said and thinking it over to myself .
I'm just going to do what feels right to me . I still want to go around these friends , but if I feel antsy or out of place I will just bow out gracefully . My husband also still smokes . I am okay around one or two smokers . It's tough when I'm with a group of people that are all doing it . Thank you for responding ..
I hope you have a great evening !
2 people like this
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@cream97 (29087)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi, beachstarz! I am not a smoker at all. But I will still give you some advice. If you feel that you want to start making new friends because of your change, do so. Because when you continue to go around the same friends that you used to smoke with, chances are the habit may start to kick back in. And I know that you don't want that to happen. So, quitting is a big step and you will want to do everything that you can to do to stick to your words. Being away from them helps you to learn and understand that you are not missing anything. Smoking and drinking is bad for ones health. I am glad that you chose to stop. Take care.![](/Content/images/emotes/happy.gif)
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1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi cream , Thank you for such kind words . From now on I will do what's comfortable for me , and stay away from the things that are uncomfortable for me .
If I feel antsy or like I don't belong there I will just leave , and I won't worry about what anyone thinks or says about it . My health is number one here!
Thank you again for responding with such kind words .. have a good day !!
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi patzel88 , It will be okay if someone thinks I'm a bore. I'm going to think of
my health and not worry about what anyone thinks of me .. You have all helped me a great deal ! have a good day !
1 person likes this
@zhangyong (39)
• China
18 Apr 09
yes ,many people smoke ,like to get together for coktails , if anyone else has quit then felt like .
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi zhangyong, that is very true!
Thanks for responding , and I hope you have a nice evening ..
1 person likes this
@dreamhealer (812)
•
17 Apr 09
Well sometime ago, about 16 years ago I gave up meat and fish, becoming vegetarian. Most of the time this isn't a problem... ten years ago I became vegan, which can make things a little trickier, particularly when going out for a meal, if the restaurant don't have a choice of various veggie food. It also makes it more difficult to find a partner, I can be happy with.
Yes, it can be a challenge making changes to your life, but stick at it and it will become easier and you should find excellent new friends!
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi dreamhealer, Yes there are challenges in change. I agree with you that they will get easier . I can imagine that you have faced many challenges . You have done very well , and I'm sure you are much healthier today for the changes you have made . Thank you for responding, and have a good night !
2 people like this
@maryadrew (42)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
hi! you don't have to worry about not being accepted because you quited smoking. it just means you love yourself first than pleasing others. loving ourselves first is a good value to keep on..
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi maryadrew , You got that right!! We all need to please ourselves before trying to please others . I will try to live by those words better from now on .
Thank you for responding , I hope you have a good day today~!
1 person likes this
@neerajpandey_13 (1765)
• India
18 Apr 09
Avoid this type of friends. Overall you are in good track. Remain in your track and neglect these types of friendship as well. You have to focus on your value.
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
~Hi neerajpandey, I don't think I need to avoid them , more like avoiding the activity . I can still see these people at different times of day or in different situations ,just perhaps not when the activity is smoking and drinking .
I plan on staying focused , believe me !! Thanks for responding neerajpandey,
and have a good day today!
1 person likes this
@ulqu1orra (307)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
Is it always good to our health to moderate all the things we do or take. Especially on smoking and drinking, You're right that you stop smoking though it makes your friends bored about you but who the hell cares right? Its not their health they are taking to but your very own health.
And its normal to take care for your own health to stay fit.
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi ulqu1orra , I don't think I'm going to let this bother me anymore .
Myself and my health comes before anything , and I will be doing what
I'm most comfortable with . Others will just have to understand, that my health right now is even more important then they are . Thank all of you for
helping me figure this out and for responding ! Have a good day !
1 person likes this
@beachstarz (1092)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Hi dbobble, Meeting new people is always good !! Old friends are also good .
From now on if I don't feel up to being around the crowd I will just stay in and work on a craft or do some mylotting instead .. Thanks for responding , and have a great day today !
1 person likes this
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