Does your Significant Other have an online dating service account?
By mehale
@mehale (2200)
United States
April 18, 2009 12:15pm CST
My husband asked me to check his email for something specific we were looking for a while back, and I quite by accident discovered in the process that he actually had an account with an online dating service - in fact more than one of them. I just wondered if anyone else had a similar experience. He of course claimed that he did not create the account, knew nothing about it, and wanted them to stop sending him emails. On the other hand I have a very hard time believing this since they not only had his email address, age, birth date, and description, they also had his address and other information including just exactly what he was looking for! Now how can I honestly believe that he did not create this account when they have that much information....I might not want to believe the worst, but I am not stupid either!
So if your husband, wife, or significant other does have an account and you know about it, what did you do? Should I be concerned by this fact? I have to admit that it does seriously worry me! If you have not had this experience, what would you do if you found out that your significant other had an account with one of the many online dating services? Would you have a hard time trusting them from now on? Would you be concerned? angry? confused? upset?
3 people like this
6 responses
@bubblyapple (2653)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
I would be upset. We are together already and he is still looking for something else? What does it say? That he wants a "reserve" just in case our relationship doesn't work out? It's like saying that he is not fully into the realtionship and that he is waiting for us to break up or something.
Although before I react in ways that we would both regret, I would ask him first about the account and check when it was that he signed up for that thing. If it was way before we were together then I would just tell him to cancel the account or I would cancel it myself.
@mehale (2200)
• United States
18 Apr 09
I did that....he claims that he did not even open the account, however they had too much info for that to be the case. I changed his password and email address, now the emails come to me, and he cannot log in!
cold blooded maybe, but I have to admit that I was very upset - still am.
I wondered the same things you mentioned....is he just waiting for us to fail. The account hadn't been open but for a couple of months, and we have been married for 8 years! It was definitely a shock!
cold blooded maybe, but I have to admit that I was very upset - still am.
I wondered the same things you mentioned....is he just waiting for us to fail. The account hadn't been open but for a couple of months, and we have been married for 8 years! It was definitely a shock!
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Okay changing the password and redirecting the e-mails, that's just funny and kudos to you!!! Well done.
1 person likes this
@ButterflyEs (209)
• Canada
18 Apr 09
My significant other had online dating service accounts; as a matter of fact he still does. I am not concerned with it as when he goes on them, he doesn't hide it. Actually, he has shown me his profiles and the messages he received. In my point of view, relationships should be built on trust and there should not be anything hidden between the two people. Going from that premise, the fact that he has online dating accounts does not worry me. Men want to feel attractive, just as much as women do, and that is their way of reassuring themselves that they can still get other women's attention. I think that is pretty healthy for their egos and I would not discourage it.
Besides, if you can trust your partner's judgement and make him see that trust I can assure you that no matter how many dating service accounts he has, it will not have any impact on your relationship.
We all need to feel attractive, wanted, sexy at times. And even though our partners can make us feel that way, a little outside feedback always helps things along and in certain cases, even improves the relationship between the two people.
1 person likes this
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
18 Apr 09
I agree with you and I am glad that you and your husband are open and don't hide anything; however, the poster didn't have any idea about her husband having these accounts and when she asked - he lied about it. An online friend of mine gets that way too. I told him he has "bored housewife syndrom" because he just needed a person to make him feel special. There isn't any harm in that; however, it's very easy to get sucked into it and before you know it you have no idea how you got there and you're in way over your head.
I'm glad you and your husband are within your comfort zone for this. I just know that kind of situation would never work for me.
1 person likes this
@ButterflyEs (209)
• Canada
18 Apr 09
I understand completely and I admit that not everyone is comfortable with this sort of thing. This might sound strange as well but the fact that he felt that he had to lie about it could just be because he did not feel comfortable sharing that fact at the time. Of course, I might be wrong, but I always like to look at things in an objective way and try to give the benefit of the doubt to the other person.
1 person likes this
@succed (879)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Get ready for the worst woman. He is reserving you incase you walk out in his life. I would not trust him, unless that account was created before you meet him. If you met through this service then why worry, it is just his old account but oh yeah should have been closed long time ago right after you guys decide to be together. He is not that into you. Sorry!
@signum (545)
• Australia
18 Apr 09
I would be rather upset if my boyfriend of nearly 4 years had a dating account.
I trust him though, and we share this computer and he has not tried to hide what he does on here, nor do I.
When we first met, I had 2 online dating accounts which I was rather quick to delete when I knew that our relationship would be serious. I think we'd been together only a week or so before I deleted them.
I actually don't think he ever had a dating account, but I don't really mind if he does, as long as he doesn't use it while he's living with me.
If I were you, I'd be monitoring what your husband does on the internet a little bit more just in case there are more accounts that he has at other dating websites.
Somethings not right if he's not even willing to admit that he created the account.
1 person likes this
@momtrying2makeit (3270)
• United States
18 Apr 09
As far as I know my boyfriend does not have an account like this. However we both have a myspace and some people feel that is kinda like a dating website. I know his email info but I never really go into his email. I guess if he wants someone else go for it but I would want him out of my house.
For you I guess you need to ask yourself how you feel about this and need to decide for yourself and see if you really trust him or not. Take care and please talk to him about how you feel.
1 person likes this
@mehale (2200)
• United States
18 Apr 09
This wasn't an account like myspace of facebook....it was with true.com dating service! I have tried to talk to him, but of course he is sticking to his story that he knew nothing about the account! I know that it does bother me, but am not really sure HOW to react about it. When I try to talk to him he says that I am being stupid and gets angry....of course that worries me too. I guess I will have to wait and see. The sad part is that he is older than me (quite a bit actually) and in the section about what he was looking for he wanted a woman younger than me! Thanks for the comment!
@scooterport (97)
• United States
18 Apr 09
Has he ever given you any signs to be concerned about before? If this is the first time, give him the benefit of the doubt. He let you into his email account so I don't think he is hiding anything from you.
If this is not the first time where you had "concerns", then I would definatly have a serious talk with him.
Just remember, every marraige has ups and downs.
1 person likes this
