Kids and Religion

As someone who was forced into the pews by her own parents, I can assure you that you're doing more harm than good by forcing your child to attend church. It will only cause her to resent you.

Hmmm.God gives you freedom to choose. Is it so hard to give others freedom as well? Since she is still a child, I would have her attend church only if the entire family attended. I would not force her to pray. She can just sit with the group.Worry not. Believing has never been important to God. It is only important to religion. Get ready for those teenage years. They develop fly the coup syndrom and can be very arguementative the closer the time comes for them to leave the nest. This of course does not mean she doesn't love you. She loves you very much! It's the way life is.

Well she is young, and you are not wrong for exposing her to what you do. But you have to understand throwing her into something this late is going to be foriegn and she probably doesn'y look at it the way you do because she wasn't raised like that. I don't blame her for revelling but I don't blame you either for wanting to consider that God exists and the ramifications tha go along with it. I would be very patrient with her and try to hellp her see that you haven't become weird all of a suddden by acting normal and not pushing her too much. But she is still young and you should expose her to this especially if this is what you think is right. She is allowed to think what she wants, but you can still do all you can to help her see it from your point of view someday. Just pray, that's the best thing you can do.

her age is an idealistic age. however, the fact that she believes in evolution can be put to good use. tell her that we may have had started as a one-celled organism but how that one celled organism's existence came about is a mystery. that one-celled organism was the material used by god to create man in just one day. but one day in god's time is a million years for us, mere humans.

Yes you are wrong. If you gave her a choice to believe in God, then you should also give her the choice to pray and attend church. How can you pray to a God that you do not believe in? As for evolution, it does not even make sense. Tell her how everything starting out from a singled cell organism makes no sense. Fish don't just sprout arms and legs and become monkeys that slowly turn into humans over time. The concept of God is no more absurd than the concept of evolution!

Yes i do believe you are wrong. If she doesn't believe in god it is wrong of you to force her to pray with you. Think for yourself. How would you fell if you were forced to pray to the hindhu gods, which you don't believe in? If you elarn to respect her beliefs by not forcing her into a situation she doesn't want to be in, you will see that you will form a better and stronger relationship and that she will gain an increasing respect for your beliefs too.

As long as she is under your roof and expecting you to support her,there is nothing wrong with making her attend church. I personally, would not tell her that it was okay to tell her that she didn't have to believe in God as that is a double standard. As parents, we are supposed to instruct our children in the way to live and I believe that it is our job to raise them to believe in God and allow them to know that He is with us daily. My children and I don't get to go to church much due to my work schedule but they both believe in God and I have explained salvation to them. It is my job!

[i]Hello roxannekight, No, I agree with what you are doing. She should respect her parents and she can show it by going to places that her parents believes to be ok, even though she don't. When she's adult she can do what she wants. As parents we should continue to guide and teach our children our values and hope that when our children become adults, they will remember what we are teaching them. When I was young I also go to mass not knowing what is all about. As I grow older, I remember what my parents is telling me and this is what is also I am telling my kids. I think you daughter will remember all of this when she grows old and hopefully find out she is wrong about her belief. Regards.[/i]

It is a phase only, let it go for now. Some people find their faith convictions later in life, but it was not a good idea to lapse in going to church for so long if that is what your faith is. Children need structure and the earlier that they get used to being with a faith community, the easier the teen years are. I never went to church much after about 13, but found a different faith that fits me now that I am in my 30s. Patience is key with teens and so is routine.

They say that the formative years are ages 0 to 8. Try to change a kids behavior after that age is extremely difficult. She has learned by your actions exactly how much you believe in God. I don't know that story, but I suspect that introducing God now, after all these years, is seen as a betrayal by your daughter, or maybe a step you're taking to try to control her actions. I DID grow up in church and I STILL rebelled against my parents when they tried to tell me I HAD to go to evening services, or sit through morning devotions.

Hi there...I think maybe if she had been attending church from a younger age, it would have been easier and part of her routine in life. However, she is at a difficult rebelious age as it is. To suddenly expect her to attend church with you because you have decided to start attending, is expecting a bit much. She may or may not beleive in GOd. But telling her she doesnt have to believe and then telling her she has to attend church, is making her do something she doesnt believe in...maybe..or maybe its just all rebellion. But in any case, I would leave it alone, let her make up her own mind, and perhaps some day, she will decide to attend. For now, the more you push, the more she will likely rebel, whether she believes or not.

I can appreciate the conflicting feelings you must be going through as a parent who wants her daughter to make wise choices in the context of your own beliefs. The ideal situation is for your daughter to be a believer as much as you are. And that position in the context of a parent is easily appreciated. However, I think that the most important considerations in this situation are the need to exercise patience and love. I would suggest sitting down with your daughter and openly discussing both your points of view as it relates to ... - the emotional pain she is going through in relation to her father's misfortune - her views on religion/god and evolution Try to set the scene for a mutually respectful and appreciative and honest discussion between the both of you. And let that respectful discussion guide the way towards a mutually agreeable conclusion that both of you can live with while maintaining a sense of love and mutual respect. Make every effort to avoid making a decision that makes your daughter feel as though she is being forced to compromise her own inner integrity. As a general principle: no human being should be "forced", psychologically, emotionally or physically to carry out any act which comprises that person's inner sense of integrity: If it can be established beyond doubt that someone doesn't believe in god (or whatever else, for that matter), then that person shouldn't be subject to any form of coercion that seeks to battle that person's position. That person should have the freedom and respect of others to exercise her/his own power of "personal decision". I do appreciate that your daughter is still young. However, treat her as an emerging adult as she struggles to find her identity. Listen to her viewpoints with the intention of understanding her deeper feelings. I think that understanding your daughter's fragile feelings at this particular stage her in her life is of the greatest importance. If you speak with your daughter and determine that she is genuinely uncomfortable with the idea of attending church, then respect her feelings as an emerging adult. Let her know -- through your actions -- that you really care about how she feels as a person. Wishing you the best.

Well you should not force your daughter in believing in God. And addition to that, you should not make her feel guilty about it. I heard that MTV made a documentary about this - something like an atheist daughter in a religious family. I even thought it was your story. Anyway, just respect her decisions. Religion is not really a requirement for a loving family.

As others have said, you can't force her to pray. You CAN force her to go to church, in the hope that one day she might change her mind. Be prepared, though, if instead she develops a lot of resentment toward and the church in general. One idea you might try is to speak to her about her own ideas. Believing in evolution on the one hand and fate/destiny on the other shows that she hasn't really thought this thing through. Evolution is a scientific theory that has nothing whatever to do with predestination. In fact, just the opposite. The two ideas are contradictory. Now, I don't know whether or not she will ever "return to God," but whatever she does she ought to clarify her thoughts. Only then can she make a reasonable decision.

"I don't believe you exist but my family is going to force me to talk to you anyway?" That makes absolutely no sense. Your giving here the choice then forcing her to go through the motions ANYWAYS. Your just going to make her resent it & rightfully so.

Sorry but I think you are wrong. You are being inconsistent with her, which is unfair! You are treating her as old enough to make her own choice as whether to believe in a God (which I think she is) but then expecting her to attend church and pray, thereby treating her like a child who has to obey because it suits you! If you had told her that she was still to attend church with you because you didn't want to leave her at home alone, but that she didn't have to actively participate in the service I'd agree with you, but to make her pray to a non-existent being (as she sees it) is wrong. At her age my mother (although disappointed in my lack of belief)let me stop attending church and I'd been going regularly through childhood. At her age my own daughter decided she did believe, so I let her attend the church of her choice. Religion like politics is an individual choice and forcing your beliefs onto her will only make her rebel and it could cause unneccessary arguements and other problems. She may decide later to return to the church or she may always be an unbeliever but you have to let her make up her own mind about it all. At 14/15 she's going to start wanting to make her own choices and as hard as it is for all parents sometimes all you can do is give her guidance and hope she chooses wisely. Good luck, the teenage years are tough on all!

Well that's the age to rebel, and from what you've said she sounds just like me at that age, lol! Like other people have said, it's great that you've said she doesn't have to believe in god and it's her choice - belief is a personal thing that you can't have foisted onto you. But if she doesn't believe, then it doesn't make sense to say that she has to attend church and, especially, to pray. I understand the going to church bit more, as this is something that you're doing as a family and it's nice to do family things, but you can't pray to something that you don't believe in. I was brought up jewish, and I hated going to synagogue (albeit infrequently as my family weren't religious, they just wanted me to be brought up in a jewish way). It seemed hypocritical to go there when I didn't believe in the things they were talking about, especially as we weren't religious anyway. I hated not being given the choice. And when you're a teenager hypocrisy is something that becomes very important and noticeable to you, and injustices seem a million times worse! At this age you just want to have rights because you're just beginning to establish your own identity and feel grown-up, and so entitled to rights and people respecting what you believe. And the right to practise what you believe in seems much more important than it would seem to a younger child, who may just go along with things. Lol, this question has brought back some of my teenage feelings, which I can still access very easily (perhaps it shows!) Maybe that should add fuel to the view that you should let your daughter decide on these things, as those feelings of injustice might just stay with her a long time!!

You cannot force anyone to believe so it is good that you are not doing that. About the prayer, I would ask her just to be present and to grant the rest of you respectful silence. If the time is right she will catch on to the idea, if not she will learn to stay quite for that time. She might want to learn a breathing exercise that she could do. Just tell her it's a stress releaser and every one has stress.

Personally I don't think that any parent should force a religion on to a child but simply showing them what you believe in and showing them the experience of your church is nothing to be considered wrong. Just remember that there are a lot of religions out there and I think that everyone will eventually either find one that fits them the best or find one that they may have made up on there own. I kind of have beliefs from a lot of different religions because I'm not sure if there is just one religion that will exactly fit me.

Even though the choice to believe or not to believe is up to your 15 year old daughter, but the Bible says that "parents should grow up or train the child and when he grows old he should not depart from it. She should be though that there is a God whether she believes or not, the point is that you have done your part in instilling it in her (you should not force her to), it is now left up to her to make the choice. Here's something to digest. One of the great eighteenth-to nineteenth- century thinkers, Pierre Laplace, wrote a book about the motion of the planets. He called it Celestial Mechanics, and he presented a copy of the book, in person, to Emperor Napoleon. Someone had told Napoleon beforehand that the book never mentioned God. The emperor took the book and said, "Mr. Laplace, they tell me you have written this large book on the system of the universe, and have never even mentioned its Creator." Laplace, unflinchingly, responded, "I have no need of that hypothesis." This story is a metaphor for what's been known as "the modern era," an era in which logic, reason, and science have formed the foundation of all truth. According to this view, all reality can be reduced to formulas, to laws, and to scientific predictions. If it can't be explained through logic, reason, and science, it isn't real. In recent years there's been a backlash against this thinking. Poeple don't believe, and rightly so, that all reality can be explained in cold rationality alone. There's something about us that no formula, no test tube, and no scientific law ever could capture. This backlash has spilled over into all realms of life, including religion; however, as with most reastions, it has in come cases gone too far, even to the point of pushing aside or ignoring the concept of doctrinal truth. What's important, we're told, isn't teachings or doctrine but experience. What does your faith do for you now-that's what matters. Instead of saying, "Here are compelling reasons to believe in Jesus Christ and His promise of salvation," the trend (again, a backlash) is to say, "Our community of faith invites you to join us in our venture of trust and commitment." Now, this doesn't have to be all bad. Did not Jesus say that His truth would have concrete and practical results in our lives (John 8:32)? Of course. Truth is not just knowledge of doctrines and texts but something that influences the believer on a personal level. Truth affects the spiritual life and impacts how a person will relate to the challenges of daily living. There is a practical, life-changing aspect of our religion (christanity) that never should be denied or denigrated. At the same time, the role of experience never should take away from the importance of correct biblical teachings. There are 13 essential themes of the Christian faith, 13 essential teachings, each to maintain a careful balance between a correct biblical understanding of these various elements of our faith and how they impact our daily experience. They are Love, Faith, Hope, Life, Revelation, Sin, Grace, Rest, Heaven, Discipleship, Stewardship, Community, and Mission. Where christian experience is concerned, these elements is not just about truth but about "the truth as it is in Jesus." After all, He is the One who is the Alpha (begining) and Omega (end) of our faith. There may be 13 different elements, but they will have one focus: the One in whom "we live, and move, and have our being (Acts 17:28). It is long, but I had to share it. There is a Creator, and no doubt we all know who He is, but pretend or refused to acknowledge same.