Why is the girl always punished and not the boy. Accidental pregnacy
By meandmy3
@meandmy3 (2227)
United States
April 23, 2009 2:54pm CST
There is an old post on here about a girl got pregnant her senior year, she was allowed to walk at graduation and the news media etc thought she should not have been allowed to walk.
What about the father of the baby, should he be able to walk at graduation, go on to play college football etc
what about the girl who does not get pregnant but the entire school knows she sleeps around, in fact is known to sleep with anyone and everyone, she gets to walk
what about the one who had the abortion, she walks goes on to be on the dance team or sorority in college because no one knows about her situation
but the girl who could not have the abortion, who chose to have her baby, either to keep and raise or give up for adoption is punished by the school system. Really, is this the message we want to tell our young girls. Just do not get caught, or if you do have an abortion and well there will be no problems then.
I was that girl. I got pregnant my sr year of High school, I had my baby over Christmas break, Yes I walked on graduation night, but the next year at college, I was asked to quite the dance team, the one I had a scholarship for because of the pregnancy. Guess what the father of my baby played football for the same college, it was known by everyone that he was the father, he was not asked to quit the football team. A basketball player for the same college had two children, he was not asked to quit.
I did what I thought was right I had my baby, I gave my baby up for adoption and went on to college, yet I was punished for what I did, the father was never punished
and when the director of the dance team had her "talk" with me she told me I should have had an abortion, she told me that she in fact had taken several of the SR members of the team to get an abortion, but since I had my child I could not be a part of their team.
I was offered three scholarships for dance, I took theirs. Thank goodness I was able to transfer to one of the other colleges the second semester of school.
4 people like this
14 responses
@tashanda (58)
• United States
24 Apr 09
Because people are trifling! I too got pregnant my senior year of high school and my mother literally kicked me out in the street and did not speak another word to me until my baby her first grandchild was almost 2 months old! But she became best friends with the father of my children immediately after meeting him. People are backwards in their way of thinking and that boys will be boys thing pisses me off. My mother was upset with me for getting pregnant at 17 by a 21 yr old but never once questioned th 21 yr old about why he was sleeping with her 17 yr old. To this day most of my contact with her by messages through him.
1 person likes this
@onlyllyzie (153)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
this is what we call the double standard of the society. We live in the life of cruelty, the boy can do all the things he likes to do and if a girl did she will be tagged on with human malicious perception. We women around the world should fight for our right. A girl who got pregnant in her senior years should be saluted because of her braveness to continue the pregnancy instead of killing it. We should find aright place on earth where we can live, breathe and act freely with the blessings of the world....xoxo:)
@Mikaela_taz25 (1842)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
Oh my god! that was you
, i believe i saw it in you tube about a few years ago. I can't believe it! it must be hard going all through that dilemma. I believe 
it's unfair if there is such thing as justice. Even though he wasn't punished, he should have been forced to be financially responsible for the child. he should die!
.
, i believe i saw it in you tube about a few years ago. I can't believe it! it must be hard going all through that dilemma. I believe it's unfair if there is such thing as justice. Even though he wasn't punished, he should have been forced to be financially responsible for the child. he should die!. @sohoazaaza (23)
• China
24 Apr 09
So this is the custom of our society that girls are more likely to be blamed and punished under this circumstance. Actually I think both sides should take equal responsibility. It takes time to change this situation.
@sohoazaaza (23)
• China
24 Apr 09
Or you can go your own way beyond those blames if you think you have done nothing wrong? One don't have right to judge another one by his/her criterion.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
24 Apr 09
Yes it does take time, this story however, when this happened to me was 1987.. Things have yet to change. Sad but true, all this time this many years later it is still looked at this way and the female is all to blame for the actions of two people.
@abhichat1980 (250)
• India
24 Apr 09
This is unfair. I see your point. But I guess it is because of the structure of the society that we live in. Historically human society has been dominated by man the reason being simple ..... man is physically more able than a woman when it comes to hard labor. As you mentioned in your case the unfairness in treatment I guess in similar situations it is always the woman who is under privileged. But women have come up a lot and today rarely there is a field where they are not contributing. I believe in the liberal society in countries of the west women are getting their rights though maybe not fully but much better that what you see in the middle east or in the Indian subcontinent. Our society here is much more rigid and orthodox. God knows if something similar happened around here it would have been impossible to live in the society. But I hope things will change and someday the around the whole world all human beings will be treated equally.
@ProudMommy22 (705)
• United States
24 Apr 09
I didnt know that could happen however i guess it just depends on where you live because around here where i live my high school was like the top school for pregnacy.....But they all as far as i know of got to go. But no hard feelings toward you but you did what you thought was right however in my family your not allowed to have abortions or give up the child....Which im only 22 and have 2 children and its hard for myself to do anything anymore but i am clearly against abortions, The way i see it is if you didnt want the risk of getting pregnet you shouldnt have layed down and spread your legs or should ahve took be cautions before it happend. But that is just my opinion. And i deff. dont think its right to be treated differently just because your a girl. guys are at fault just as much as the girl is But everyone has there opinions.
@bing28 (3795)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
We girls are always at the loosing end. We always suffer the humiliation and punishments in times like these, no matter what we do or how we protested still we girls sufferred the consequences. All we can do is to take care and guide our girls in the family so they won't experience the same things. Give our love and attention to our girls and boys as well so accidental pregnancy could be avoided.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
24 Apr 09
That makes me so angry as a teacher. They had no right at the college level to ask you to quit! I would have gone after them legally for discrimination, but at least you now are in a good place! Sorry, I get a little passionate on these topics. I've taught many expecting mothers in my time, and all of them had their heads on right. Yes, they had a baby, but they were finishing their high school careers, and moving onward to college just like you did. It just infuriates me that the young men are simply allowed to continue on bearing very little of the burden in being a father. Not that it applies to all mind you. I've also seen some very devoted young dads. I'm very sorry for your experience.
However, that said, something I've been having to mull over in my brain as of recent is a question my husband brought up to me from the male perspective. He wanted to know why it was that only the female got to decide to abort the child or not in a relationship. His point being, what if I was excited and wanted that child to come into this world, why is it her decision. And yes, my first response was "Because it's my body", to which he said "Yes, but it's partly my child". He made a very good point that even has me, female, trying to work out.
I wish you all the best in your college career! What are you studying?
Namaste-Anora
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
24 Apr 09
Oh gracious my college career was a million years ago, or so it seems.
I agree with yours and your husbands comments about abortion. The government on the other hand does not agree they say it is the ladies body so her decision.
this is something else that gets me, say the father does not want to be a father but the mom to be does not want an abortion and wants to keep the child, the father still has to pay child support and is forced to be a dad, when he did not want to be. He does not have the option to terminate the pregnancy, only the mom to be does.
it is a tricky situation,.
1 person likes this
@lorraine27 (271)
•
23 Apr 09
oh wow can not belive they can do that. its wrong life is life and the girl has still work hard in here school life. it is worrying that the this is still happening. what if she was older or married but in collage.
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
24 Apr 09
I think the team manager was just an evil person. she did not like that I knew the dances prior to camp. I can not help it that their college team went to the same dance camp as my high school went to. She used what she could and in the long run it back fired on her.
@veronicalodge12 (160)
• Philippines
24 Apr 09
Yeah, you definitely have a point. I never really ponder about it much before, thinking it's just right for the girl not to join the grad rites if she has that bulging tummy. I wasn't being fair at all, cause I overlooked the guy's part, hmmmm I think it should be just as fair. I know the school is just protecting it's reputation as models of modesty too, and I understand what they're doing as a lil bit of punishment, but it should be both for the girl and the boy. Don't want to sound mean though, but yeah it should be of equal rights! ^^
@meandmy3 (2227)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Schools need to think more about their students and what is best for all of them and the message they convey when they say a pregnant girl can not walk. She earned the diploma and has a right to walk across that stage to get it. She got caught, her friends did not.
@roxannekight (67)
• United States
23 Apr 09
That is a sad story. I was too pregnant my senior year and on graduation, I waddled around the track with the rest of the graduates and had my baby girl 21 days later. I actually married the father of my baby when I was a senior. But my high school was great, they had a support group for me and everything, I was very sick during my pregnancy but I had some wonderfully compassionate teachers that did all they could to help me.
@John4Christ (1597)
• India
24 Apr 09
First of all i salute you for your spirit.....these days o one would have the courage to do what you have done....you just saved an innocent life....which could have been easily killed right in the womb.....you are right the society is very male dominated....people don't realize that if something has gone wrong it is not because of one person....there has to be someone involved.....you cannot clap your hands with one hand....can you ????
Its time we realize what people go through the amount of trauma,mental agony one has to go through....but least can be done....inspite of all the awareness programmes around the globe....people still remain on the same old track....
@kellyt82 (204)
• United States
24 Apr 09
I really think that society and media should look at unplanned pregnancies in a different light. Instead of making the girl feel shamed, the focus should be placed elsewhere. Think about it- having a baby is a beautiful thing. It is well known that many people in this world have babies well before they are ready, but this is not a reason that to punish or shame the person furthur. We as a society should begin to support the girls that are brave enough to carry a baby full term after an unplanned pregnancy. This day and age there are many "easy way outs." I am not saying at all that we should encourage girls to get pregnant, but what we should be doing is teaching young girls that become pregnant about the miracle that is about to happen when they give birth.
