What do you do when you can't take it anymore?
By Stephanie5
@Stephanie5 (2946)
United States
April 24, 2009 8:08am CST
Why am I expected to do it all, like it and keep my mouth shut about it? I'm not supposed to ask for help, I'm not suppose to complain. I'm suppose to take all the abuse that comes along with being their slaves, maid and care-takers...and not say ONE word. I know why, because I'm MOM.
Well, I finally said something....I should of just kept my mouth shut because it's only made things worse. Now they find pleasure in my pain (they probably did before too, maybe I just didn't notice as much), and do things to push my buttons. It seems like the harder I try, the worse things get.
I've been REALLY down in the dumps for about 2 months now. I want to get in my van and start driving and not look back. I know I can't do this. And as much as my children aggervate me, I love them with all my heart and if I ever got a break from them, I could probably be a better mother. I know that I can't live without my kids. But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not in the shape to take care of myself, let alone everyone else. But, I have no options. I am stuck in this rut and I can't get out!
I feel guilty that I want to leave. I don't want to leave really, I want everyone else to leave me alone!
I know things have to change, I even know what some of those things are.... But, I don't have the energy to do them... So, what should I do? Where do I start? How can I feel better?
3 people like this
9 responses
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
24 Apr 09
I will tell you what I do when everyone gets on my nerves and expects me to do everything and put up with things I should not put up with....I say "so long suckers, I am going on vacation!" Sounds like you need one. I jsut back from a week vacation and it did wonders for me and it also made the people who make my life difficult jealous because they were not going!
@Stephanie5 (2946)
• United States
24 Apr 09
I do want to just leave....But, I probably wouldn't have a home to come back to. I'm not allowed to leave.
1 person likes this
@mira91 (985)
• Singapore
25 Apr 09
Wait...I don't really get the kind of ABUSE you're talking about here...But it seems really depressing just the way your story flows so i'm guessing you're in a really bad shape. Okay, first thing's first. You said you don't have the energy to change the things the you KNOW needs changing. That is where i'm puzzled. Because the next thing you ask is what should i do? and where do you start? You ALREADY know where to start and you KNOW you WANT to feel better and get better so that IS a form of energy that's enough to keep you going. So even though i don't know what it's really all about, you can do it, you know what to change and just by knowing and with the will to make it happen, you WILL feel better.
If there's a will, there is ALWAYS a way. =]
I wish you all the best. Take care.
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
25 Apr 09
First, take a deep breath and try to calm down. Is there anyone that can keep them for an hour or two so that you can get away. Go have your hair done or just go sit in a park and relax a while? Second, there is no reason that you should have to do it all. They can all help. Put your foot down and start taking things away or rewarding for doing good. I hope you find a happy medium.
2 people like this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
25 Apr 09
Unfortunately, you seem to be in a very tricky situation. You don't say how old your children are, but I assume they aren't old enough to leave alone, so taking off is out of the equation. However the positive I see in your thread is the fact that you've let it all out, and this is a good thing. Bottling things up inside is no good for anyboby, I'm also guilty of this, but now your children know how you feel should help the situation, and keep letting them know exactly how you REALLY feel about different thinks. Good luck Stephanie.
@411space (55)
• United States
25 Apr 09
Been there!!!!! Know what i did? I asked the kids for help,and it actually worked.Both boys ages 11 and 9 and they been helping me ever since.I started it with do you think you could help me with Sunday dinner? The boys actually worked together to make a dessert "their favorite of course" but it was a beginning...Now they really think it is cool to have sunday dinner and they make all kinds of dishes! Each one picks a night now and cooks for us! The other does the cleanup,so they have learned to take care of themselves in this process,but believe me it wasn't an over night thing,gentle process of can you throuw this load of laundry in for me??and pretty soon i didn't have to do theirs!,another one was could you use these cleaning cloths in the bathroom after you get ready that way it will save us all time in cleaning?Sat. was always cleaning day, they didn't like that much,but about a month of magor cleaning on sat's and they had no problem keep things picked up and put away! lol ..It has been fun to see the change in them and i am very proud of them both.they are now 16 and 18 and i know when they go into the world they will be able to fend for themselves...much luv and maybe just maybe it can work for you!:)
@Ruby722 (796)
• China
25 Apr 09
Dear Stephanie
I am a chinese ,But i think the love is same in the world.Even if i am not a mother
but i can very clenly understand how much a mother love her kids just like my mom
i think you too . I do not what was happened to you.but i thought it does not
matter,really belive me.we possible get some problem or big or small.maybe it makes
us very upset.but in the other round,we can get more experience.it can not buy in
cash.it make us grow up.and become mroe strong.So just take it easy,let it
be ,everything will be OK.
see,you have the lovely kids.is the most important.
good luck for you.you will be OK
Your friends
Ruby
2 people like this
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
24 Apr 09
what do you mean you are not allowed to leave your home??? You can do whatever you want! Don't let someone tell you you can't leave the house! Just leave and it would probably be best for you not to come back by the sounds of it!
2 people like this
@Winter08 (441)
• Canada
24 Apr 09
You sound tired. Can you get someone to look after the kids for a day (or more if possible) so you can get some solid rest? And some nourishing food that you can sit down to enjoy uninterrupted?
Some things you should consider doing for yourself:
See a doctor to be sure the lack of energy is from being over worked and over stressed.
Get a vitamin B stress formula supplment. Stress/worry/frustration uses up nutrients a lot of nutrients.
If you have family/friends near, talk to them. They may be able to help out to give you a break if you let them know how much you need it.
@captainmorgan (773)
• Canada
24 Apr 09
My best advice would be to take control. You are allowed to do whatever you like, remember that. Yes you are a mom and you do have responsibilities, but you can afford to spend a few hours by yourself. You are your own person. Kids like to push people's buttons because they like to see how much they can get away with, it's like a game for them. So end that game. Don't let them push you that far. I guess it really depends how old they are as to how you can punish them. But if you let them bring you down, they'll keep doing it because they probably don't realize how much it hurts, to them it's a game. You could start by setting more ground rules, and sticking to them no matter what your kids say. It might be tough at first but once they realize you are not a pushover they will stop trying. Or you could explain to them how you are feeling, how upset you really are and that you need their help and support.
2 people like this
