on disciplining children - moms and dads this is for you

spanking here is ok, there are no rules about parents not being allowed to spank their kids here. no social services to visit you if they found out you are spanking your child. although abuse is punishable by law, i've seen a a lot of kids getting abused by their own parents, and those parents are put to jail. anyway, wow... you only talked to them and they always do what you wanted them to do... wow... if only i can do that with my kids here especially with my 2nd son. my daughter knows what i want but sometimes we clash, i dont know if you believe in all those astrological and animal signs, me and my daughter are both rat sign, she's fire rat and i'm water rat, and we kind of figure that's why we clash, fire and water... lol... she's so very outspoken and very very frank. we live in different cultures. i grew up with my mom spanking me always... although my kids are not spanked the way i was spanked. my husband's way is different, the kids are spanked according to their age... lol.. my duaghter is 12, so its 12 hit on her butt... but that's very very seldom as my husband just leave the spanking to me. sometimes we make fun of the spanking even if im so angry, like my 7 year old, if he did something really bad, his age (7) times 2, so its 14... lol i always try to be careful when spanking them, just the butt.

i do talking too... lol see we have house rules here, and they know all about it. they know that if they are going to break it they will face consequences, other things that they do that are not included in the rules i talk to them first, if they do it again, then the spanking is the next punishment. belt are used for spanking and at other times a thin flat stick. there are like that here too abusive parents, and grandparents, i see them in the news, kids battered, the last news that i saw about child abuse is that 6 year old girl being beaten up by her grandma, and the that was used to hit the child was a hammer. the social services took the child of course and the grandma was put to jail. poor little one... it was found out that the child's mother was working overseas and her grandma was the one taking care of her, the grandma said that she's angry with so many things, that she sometimes put her vent on the little girl, part of disciplining her when she's doing something wrong. the little girl had an elder sister and the sister said she cant do anything to help her little sister even if she wants to because she is also afraid, her grandma will hit her too. at least now the grandma is put to jail, and those who have seen the news, and doing the same thing, they better think twice, they can go to jail too. that is the kind of thing i dont want to do to my kids, if only talking all the time worked then they will never be spanked... but sadly no... my kids are stubborn sometimes... lol

lol with your 5 year old... when i had my first child, i tried that western kind of disciplining too on her, didnt spank but made her face the wall... did't worked... lol as we are in a different country, spanking is part of disciplining here. and yes i agree with you we have to do what we think works best for our kids. now that my eldest is 12, being grounded is part of punishment, zero computer the whole day, and if spanking is needed, i still do it with her. with the second child (7) i have tried so many already, rewards, talking, spanking, grounding, no allowance... boy he's really something, but there was this one thing that happened to us, as i am hearing impaired, i asked him to do something, and he was saying something back, and his father heard him, his father almost punched him... i was a bit shocked why, and asked... i had a talk with my son, i spanked him soooo hard, he was crying and then when i had spoken to him i was not able to stop myself from crying because it made me to think, just because i cant hear he can say things behind me, what if im already old he'll do worst... and when he saw me cry, he immediately stops crying and there was this look on his face, like he was shock he made me cry... after that incident, the next day, i didnt talked to him... he keeps on giving me this glances like he wants to say something... the next day after that, he said sorry to me, and he cried... and i cried... we were both crying, and we hugged each other. now, i can see changes in my son, well he does what he is told right away without saying anything, and even my eldest daughter too. the incident kind of affected us all. i dont have to raise my voice that much anymore. i hope this will keep on. and that they will grow up to be good kids, showing respect to adults.

Sometimes when our children make us cry it's the hardest thing for them because they see what they have done. I rarely show my emotions but, there have been times my children have seen me cry and that is very hard on them it is especially hard on them when they know they are the reason.

i never really knew that something like that can make such an impact to my kids. well i do hope that they understand how hard it is to be a mom (parent). loving them, raising them, giving them the things that they need and sometimes more than they need and at other times things that they want even though we know they dont need it. it's been more than 2 weeks now since the incident, and they are improving. my daughter doesn't need to be told to do some of the house work, she just do it right away and my son, well he's behaving pretty well now. i'm crossing my fingers.

yes i agree with that. i think if we dont let our kids experience a little physical pain in punishment then they just keep on doing what they are doing even if it is wrong. when we were young, my sisters and i grew up with our my mom spanking us when we are doing something wrong... being stubborn, disobedient, etc. and when we get hurt, we remember the pain, and tends to not do that thing again because if we do it again, we will get spanked, the when being spanked sort of became as a reminder for us to behave and do what was told. i believe in what the bible said "spare the rod and spoil the child..." but i dont abuse that sparing rod thing.