How do I keep this relationship?!
By ladywaldorf
@ladywaldorf (16)
Malaysia
April 26, 2009 8:17pm CST
Let me give you a brief summary of my relationship with E. We are college students and we are not exactly in a relationship, it is more of an open-relationship, but we are committed to each other. So why aren't we in a relationship? That because we were good friends at first and we weren't looking for anyone, so we decided to try and continue this open-relationship, it's been going really well.
He may be 2 years younger than me, but in this relationship, he is the man, he is loving, caring, reponsible, funny and he is very good at toleratig my constant mood-swings. On the other hand, he likes me for who I am, how I would try to surprise him everyday, how I take his jokes seriously and it would send him laughing for ages. I would say that our relationship is just as close as the typical bf and gf relationship. When we are together, we don't even have to speak, just cuddle and enjoy each other's company. But best of all, I don't even have to try hard to get his attention or to have fun with him, it's just there naturally. He is very sincere, every word, every gesture...I can't believe someone like him still exists! I have never been in this kind of relationship, so comfortable and we have that intimacy between us (not necessarily physical)it is more than that, it is simply beyond words.
The problem is, I will be transferring to a University in Australia soon, while he is still going to be here for another year or so. If everything is running smoothly according to plan, I will be transferring this July and will only be back this November for summer break. Our feeling towards each other is getting stronger and stronger each day, we can't stop it and we know that it is going to hurt us badly in the end, when we part.
We had a talk about how we would cope with it, but we can't find a solution. All E said was, "I don't want to ever forget you. You will always hold a special place in my heart. What am I going to do without you later? Who is going to laugh at my jokes? I can't run my hands through you hair..." and so on. And I remember telling him, "There are times where I nearly said 'I love you' but I'm scared that if I ever say those words, it will be harder for me to leave you." Upon hearing that, he pulled me closer to him and he hugged me. I was bawling my eyes out as I sobbed and soaked his jacket, and he was crying too. See? We can't even say the 'Love' word, we are afraid of losing each other, we know that it is inevitable and we know the consequences for keeping this relationship...and yet we can't throw away what we have right now.
It is almost May and I have very little time left with E. I am scared to leave because things are going to change. What if our relationship ends as we part? Long distance relationship never work and I never want this to end. I am most worried about new people entering our lives, what if E finds another girl who can replace me while I'm gone? Will our feelings still be the same later on when I come back in November? Right now, we don't even know if we are going to continue this when I leave or if we should give each other some space until we reunite again. Please help me find a solution to it, send me your suggestions, tips and comments. Thank you =]
2 people like this
16 responses
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
Alright, I was thinking that maybe we should have another talk, after I have read all the comments and solutions here..so much from you guys..Aaaw~
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Apr 09
Rather than be sad and miserable about the unavoidable parting of ways in the future, I think you should enjoy and savor every single moment with each other. Don't set up expectations for when you are apart and don't worry about it. Date others and let him date others if he wants. Keep in touch but do what you have to do. Down the road, who knows...you may very well hook up again. I have a special friend like that and we have moved in different directions so many times over the years & dated others even. We have always managed to keep in touch and I've missed him but always cherished the good times we had. The longest we went with no contact was 2 years and then one xmas eve, he just knocked on my door with an xmas card. At that point we were both seeing other people but it was ok. Whether we are together or not, he is one of my dearest friends. In all the years we've known each other, we have not ever had even one argument. Just go with it and hold on to every moment.
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
Wow..really? Were you sad when you had to live apart from him? We thought about moving on, but deep down, I have a feeling that he is the 'one'. Anway, how did you cope with it? Mind sharing me some of your tips? I might need it one day. Btw, I think your story is rather sweet, if I don't end up with E, I'd still want him to be my dearest friend. XD
1 person likes this
@soleya (1100)
• Latvia
27 Apr 09
I deep down inside I am a fatalist, so I think that if you are meant to be with each other, than you will be. Nothing will be able to tear you apart. I think that this opportunity to go to Australia is great! You will be able to understand your feelings better. Like I said, enjoy your time, study hard in Australia, and if you won't find a guy whom you like better in Australia, than you will come back and be with the one you love here. In the end everything will be great!
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
My bestfriend told me the same thing, and most of you to. If it is meant to be then E and I will somehow reunite again in the end. I'm just hoping that those bumps in the road will only make it stronger, I am excited to go to Australia, but not really thinking of looking for new people, becasue I trully believe that E is the one and I'm going to stick on E, he is the right person to fall for. Hahaha..too naive am I? X)
@dorisday1971 (5657)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
Time will tell. You are still young, pursue that college dream first and if the guy is really for you, then wherever you go, in the end, you will still be together. As they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. With the technology that we have, you will still be seeing each other often.
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
Oh absolutely, I am proud to say that we do prioritize our educations, friends and families, so we keep them balanced. I am still young, but I hope that I have finally found the one. What do I do without webcams and skype?! Haha..
@berrys (864)
• Singapore
27 Apr 09
i think when you get a love so strong you should hold on to it. its very rare to have found true love and from what I've read im pretty sure you've got it. its amazing how you've got it but its such messed up timing. i think for now you should focus on your career and till maintain a long distance relationship. think of it as a test whether your love can take all that you throw at it. and if its meant to be, you and him will still be together. yes, i know, easier said than done and im the one that's saying and you're the one whose going to be doing, but hey no harm in trying right? your stories a real tear jerker by the way. i wish you all the luck. god bless you and your family. cheers love.
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
That's exactly how I am feeling, I don't want to let go because I think I've found the one. I think what I will do now is to go on with this relationship and let everything to fall into place, just hoping that we would be strong enough to face all the bumps in the road. Haha, it is a tear jerker huh? I'm going to carry a big box of kleenex along with me from now on...=) thank you for your wishes and blessings!
@yspring (272)
• China
27 Apr 09
what a real story it is,i love your experience, after you story, i think you have loved E for a long time, and vice versa, so you should tell him ,when you tell him , i feel that you two will choose to wait for each other,i think between you and he,the relationship can go on forever,just a few months part, i think you two can accept this!!you had said that you scared that keep the relationship with him for a long distance,but i will tell you that the true love is beyond the distance, you know, the boy E love you too, you can not leave him without any love words!best wishes for both of you,wish you can continue this true love that i had ever seen forever!!!enjoy your every minute with him!!
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
Yeah, E can possibly be my one true love, I don't know..I really want to tell him but I don't know how or when? I'm definitely not going to tell him once we are at the airport, it'll be too late.
The thing is, it may be more than just months, I will be back for the summer holiday November-February, but chances are E might be transfering to the States next year, not sure where though, but still two different continents. I might be graduating by the end of next year and by the time I come back, E may not be here anymore, he will be away for two years or so. But what you said is true, 'True love is beyond the distance...' Thank you so much! I'm going to cherish every moment I have with him..=D
@jbrooks0127 (2324)
• United States
21 May 09
One thing about long distance relationships is that if you have a computer it does not have to be lost. You both clearly are in love with each other but are so afraid the other will forget you.
Well there is always email and chat. My personal favorite for messaging is called ICQ.
It has been a long time sense I used it so not sure if it exists but it is so effective at keeping in touch. It is very much like sitting across the table and talking.
There are so many other ways of talking every day. And one thing you need to remember. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you both keep in contact every day you bond to each other will become even stronger. No need to just run off for months and never talk.
Of course the phone is not good because of the cost but could be reserved for special occasions. You have so many ways now of keeping in contact you really do not need to worry. Plan out how you can do this now before you leave.
@cal3b00 (52)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
I honestly think you have something really beautiful with your better half. I suggest that you don't worry to much of the other people that will cross both you and your friend's path. If he loves you he'll stay faithful to you no matter what happens. For the mean time try to enjoy your time with him.
Life's throws a lot of questions for what's lying in front of us and we are naturally afraid of the unknown. No one can tell your future with E. I know it's a scary thought to loose someone in the process that you really care about but remember that in a relationship you only have control over yourself and not the other person and that goes vice versa with your partner. I had the same problem before and it's hard to keep up with a long distance relationship. If you both can keep it strong enough, then by all means hold on to it! If in doubt just follow your heart. I don't have all the answers to your questions, but some of those questions will be revealed to you in time and if you look deeper inside you the answers are already in front of you. You just can't see them, because you were blinded with tons of questions. Some people are blinded by emotions, confusion, questions. Clear your head and your heart and you'll get to the answers faster.
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
Wow..this is really deep. Thank you so much. I hate it that I can be pretty paranoid most of the time, I have been in long distance relationships before and truth is, I think it might just work for me and E, coz E is nothing like my previous ex-es. I think E can be faithful, the thing is, without me being there with him, I'm just scared the feelings might dissappear slowly. Oh..god..being paranoid again. But I think I must learn to trust and to try to keep this relationship strong. I'm going to clear my head and heart, and just focus on what we have right now. Thank you! =}
@ketybhagat (4123)
• India
27 Apr 09
I am truely touched by your friendship and love for each other. If you think you love each other because you are going to part, do not make it a burden on yourselves. Let it be. Write to each other, keep in touch and take each day at a time. Do not bind him to you. If you find somebody new in your life, then it was meant to be. If he finds somebody also, be happy for him. I know that distance relationship does not last long, but then if love is true for each other, then time will tell, and distance will not break up your love for each other. Keep it open both ends. You will miss your buddy and the easy relationship you've had with him, but so will he. All I can say is give it time and see how it works out. Good luck.
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
Thank you..I need all the luck I can get. Haha.. It's the matter of letting go, I don't think I'm ready. Yes, E told me to send him my mailing address once I get to Aussie because he said he would like to send me letters (old fashioned, yes) and some mixed songs for me because my taste in music sucks (according to him) and he would need to find new things to do when we are appart, hitting the post office seems like a good plan for him..haha. I hope everything will go smoothly too.
@dncmanning (770)
• United States
27 Apr 09
From the way you talk there is already other people (open relationship- right), if you two truly care for each other you can work through anything and it will be okay. But your young and he's young- just take it one day at a time and go from there. Good luck to you- he does sound like an amazing person.
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
Well..there is no other people actually, just us. We are committed to each other..just that we don't call each other gf and bf, so yeap. He is an amazing person, thank you for your comment!! =]
@srganesh (6340)
• India
27 Apr 09
Even though you both haven't declared love,you are in love.That is clear.As others have said,modern technology will help you remain in contact.But it is sad,you can't meet in person for a long time.Yet,you can nourish this relation by all possible means.Don't lose heart.True love can remain patient with the confidence of owning each other.So,commit yourself,just exchange rings and part as man and wife and feel comfortable.Time will pass on quickly and you both will live happily ever after.Cheers!
@ladywaldorf (16)
• Malaysia
27 Apr 09
OH MY GOSH!! That is such a great idea, exchange committment rings! Oh you are pure geeneeouz! I think i can be patient for him, the road to true love can be pretty bumpy huh? But Yes..i hope time will pass on fast and till my happy ending! Thank you so much! I love your idea!! =]
@kprofgames (3091)
• United States
27 Apr 09
That is the very sweetest thing I've heard. I am a believer of long distance relationships. I think if it was ment to be then this is the time you'll see if your relationship stands the test of time. There is still video chat - get a webcam - you won't loose contact, just physical contact.
You both need to be relistic and also know where your heart is. Communication doesn't end with mileage. It will only if you let it. People live through distance for many reasons, but it's up to the both of you and what the both of you want together if you think this can stand the distance.
I'll tell you. I have a friend and her man is 6,000 miles away. 6,000! and they're still strong after 8 months. Don't let people fool you into thinking out of sight out of mind. If you two have a strong connection in your hearts, this time away is just a blip in the lifetime you'll be spending together.
It has to start with talking and sharing your feelings. Even your fears. Knowing your own boundries and expectations. Don't bottle it up, but talk to him. Only you two will decide how to go from there.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
My advice if you're both mean foe each others, long distance nowdays is a matter of the past. With the presence of high tech technology, like internet. You can still keep up with updates about each others, no matter he is busy or not. he will still fin d times to communicate with you. And, if you're really true to each others feelings as goes the saying" absence makes the hearts grows fonder".
@orang13 (723)
• Philippines
8 May 09
It is such a very heartwarming story, I didn't know that it really exist in real life, i thought it only happen in mangas. Wow, i was very touched. I really think, long distance relationship are pretty hard to do. I have classmates who were also having hard time with their relationships but glad for them they're really into commitments not like you.
Just like you, i had something like a closeness to guy before but we're never really committed and i'm afraid that you'll end up like us. Because we didn't really cleared things up we never end good. He lost his way and find other girl to love. And i think if you'll be away from him there'll be a lot of circumstances that will come in your ways. But if trust is really is there, i know both of you will succeed. You just believe in faith maybe. You're kind of thing, is not worth to be waste by just like that. You should struggle. Maybe you should try and once you'll be back see what would happen. Theres nothing wrong with trying though.
Waaah. I am a supporter.! Go and do it girl. Seek your heart but think with your mind as well.
@jellymonty (2352)
•
27 Apr 09
Hi Lady welcome to my lot. It's best you just enjoy the time that you have left with him and go your separate ways. Do not worry about the future as you don't even know what will happen tomorrow. Everyone has that special someone in their lives. I have mine too and we've known each other for just over six years now.. It was hard at first to not see each everyday but in time you get used to it. Know he has someone and well I dont but it doesnt matter as we get to see each other at least every one or two years, but we still remain in contact. Just keep in contact with him and both of you move on.. if it happens that one day you both live in the same city then yes you can do something about it but for now, enjoy the last time left with him and instead of you being afraid of what will happen, embrace the change and look forward to your new life beginning... happy my lotting.
@sheyzlviv (40)
• Philippines
27 Apr 09
Your love experience is a one of a kind. I also had that relatioship two years ago, i could relate to the overwhelming emotions that both of you do have. I know how that someone could easily turn everything as if it was magic. Your eyes were unspokenly communicating to each other. When i have those soft hands, it made me vulnerable. I can't hardly control my feelings when i'm with that person. Loving is one of the greatest feeling that you will ever feel in your whole life.
On your experience, it's very complicated to be getting in and out. Yeah, you were so inlove and everything just revolve around you. But still, we can't conclude if you and him will be together forever. The both of you should an agreement of being together forever. You also should be careful in keeping the rules. I dont believe in destiny because people are the resposible for making things come true and possible. Keeping your relationship until the end will prove how true your love is. It's alright to worry but always trust him, remember your love for him and hold on to your promises... Im sure someday there's no you and him but US...
