Advice needed; husband does not trust me...
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
United States
May 1, 2009 12:28pm CST
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I am currently 46 years old and happily married for the last 2 years. I was married once before at the age of 22 but divorced and remained friends with my ex husband. My ex husband is also remarried.
To make a long story short; while out shopping the other day I was in the neighborhood of my ex husband's old rental house and left a note in the mailbox for him to give me a call to catch up as I haven't talked to him in about 5 years and just wanted to touch base with him. (We met when I was 16 and he was a very strong influence in my life as I had a very bad childhood, alcoholic father, abusive mother)
Anyhow, I accidentally wrote my husbands cell phone number down instead of my own and my ex called and left a message on my husband's phone. My husband called me just a while ago and asked me "Who is Joe and why is he calling my cell phone asking for you?" I said "it was most likely my exhusband and he called because I left a message for him to call because my nephew and his wife wanted to get back in touch with him"
My husband was angry and said "Bull" and hung up on me. Now, he won't answer the phone. I know I should have just told him the truth but was feeling like he wouldn't believe me anyway so that is why I said my nephew & his wife wanted me to get in touch with him...I am planning on calling my husband to let him know that I was just thinking about him because being in the area of his rental home brought him to mind and I just wanted to touch base with him...That is absolutely the TRUTH and I had no ill intentions or romantic desires...Just a wish to see how he was doing and touch base.
It bothers me that my husband doesnt' trust me and makes me angry as well as hurt...
What should I do????
2 people like this
10 responses
@daneg33 (1128)
• Canada
1 May 09
He has reason to be upset, sorry to say. I think you should talk to him and tell him that you are sorry and that it won't happen again. You have to decide who is more important in your life, your ex or your current husband. Obviously your husband feels like you are being deceptive and you are only adding to that by lying to him. Tell him the truth and apologize. If you don't have trust in your marriage, you have nothing. I know, I have been there.
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
1 May 09
I also did not mention that my husband seems to be jealous of any friends that I have or talk to...when I go out to the store he acts like I was out doing something wrong when I was probably buying him socks and underwear... (just an example...)
@daneg33 (1128)
• Canada
1 May 09
How long have you been married to this guy? Extreme Jealousy is a form of control and/or abuse. If it is bad now, it is just going to get worse. Maybe you should weigh your options - do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? If you split up with him, it sounds like he will become your stalker. Yikes.
1 person likes this
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
1 May 09
We have been together for 5, married for 2. He doesn't seem like he would be the stalker type. However, he is constantly going through me cell phone and internet history to see what calls have come in/gone out and what I look at on the internet.
Totally ridiculous and insulting!!
@aryangentleman (1122)
• India
2 May 09
Well first I say I could not see any wrong in your act of trying to be in touch of your ex husband. So in the first place you should have told the truth but even then I dont see why your husband got angry and feeling insecure to the level of not trusting you? I think giving your husband number is an ample prof that your intention was to catch up with a person, who not only been yours ex husband but also who influenced your life when you were growing up through yours troubled teen hood.Why some one who wanted to have a romantic liaisons be giving her husband number at all!No one make such mistakes if the intention was to cheat on her husband. Ask him would he be more comfortable if you had given your number and be in touch with yours ex on the back of your husband? He is behaving childish.Talk to him and reason with him as he is on a very weak wicket and not behaving as a sensible person.
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
3 May 09
I agree with you. If I was being devious I certainly would not have given him my husband's cell phone number by accident. In fact, since my husband pays all of the bills I know he monitors every call coming in and going out on my cellphone...
I would have bought a Trac Phone and given that number...
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
3 May 09
Well, sometimes (such as this) the past is best left in the past but since the 'damage' has been done there is really not much you can do now but be honest and see where it goes.
My concern is more for some of the other things you have added in responses here - this phone call was not the begining of your 'problems' if he's going through your phone and internet activities he doesn't trust you. This to me sends off 2 warning signals #1 a relationship is nothing without trust and #2 usually the one who protests the most is the quilty party. What is he doing behind YOUR back?
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
12 May 09
I can only think of 2 things that would make a man do what your husband is doing #1 guilty of something # just very insecure person.
Personally I would have to deal with each totally the opposite of each other #1 kick him to the curb # try to help build his self-confidence in the relationship. Neither are easy - been there done that on both. Wishing you the best of luck with this and hoping the truth will come out about what is 'wrong' with him.
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
16 May 09
I truly believe he is faithful, just very lacking in self confidence. We are currently going thru couples counseling so I feel hopeful. Thanks for you input.
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
11 May 09
You are so right and I often wonder because I have been nothing but 100% faithful to him. He is constantly looking through my cellphone and internet history like I am doing something I have to hide from him. It does make me feel like he doesn't trusted and makes me angry at times. However, I know I have NOTHING to hide so I think "keep on digging if it makes you feel better"
Guess I just don't understand why he doesn't trust me....
@bindasboy (26)
• India
1 May 09
you can only do one thing just call your husband in a good place where he like to be or to a place where your husbands mood will become good. and try to tell the truth, if he ever had faith on you he will definitely understand you.
1 person likes this
@lolalolacherrycola (899)
• United States
1 May 09
Since he won't answer his phone I just sent him a message telling him the truth and apologizing. Thanks for your input.
@purnima175 (435)
• India
10 Oct 09
really feel sympathetic toward, Be a woman, is treated so by the husband to be very unfortunate, but want to support long-last, have to figure out the way for solve, way affirmation certain, only wish the final outcome be happy.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
2 May 09
You should not have left the note in your ex husband's mail box and asked him to call to touch base. I mean what was your husband to think? Of course, he thought you wanted to have a romance with your ex. You should have left it alone, and then make sure that you and your husband were together and then accidentally on purpose run into your ex while he was with his new family and tell your husband how much of a help he was in helping you overcome your horrible childhood.
I think you should tell your husband the truth and not see the ex alone. I think when you want to touch base, make sure that your ex is with his new wife or girl friend so that both men (and the new woman) will feel safe. Then you can talk about how you and your ex would not have worked out anyway, etc. That will make his new wife or girl friend more secure, because she was probably mad as heck at him and your husband will know that you are not planning to run off with your ex.
@flame2000 (99)
• United States
2 May 09
Never contact your ex without telling your husband.He will think you're keep stuff from him.If you were in his shoes,what would you be thinking??...LOL!...I think you would be insanely angry!You will need to give him a logical reason to believe what you say.I wish you luck.
@cindyhxf (1446)
• China
2 May 09
i think you still want to happend something your ex-husband,sorry i say so straight.if i am your current husband,i also don't like what you did.i might get mad cause it seemed like you want to go for ex-husband again.trust is very important for couples and i suggest that you try to communicate more with your current husband and let him know you just love him and no other man could take you away from him if you really just love him. good luck.
@larish (2237)
• Philippines
2 May 09
Just cook a nice dinner for him and don't mention anything about what happen. But if your husband opens it up, try to stand firm on your first alibi (the mephew and his wife thing). Then reassure him that it is nothing. If an argument is heated, tell him that if you really intend to have a romantic involvement with your ex, you should have given him your number and not his.
I am hoping that confrontation won't happen. Just make a nice dinner and pretend that you are not bother by the incident.
