Am starting to wonder if I will ever find true love?
By BlueAngelRS
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
Canada
May 1, 2009 2:25pm CST
I married a guy who I thought after everything that had happened between us was my true love and we were truly ment to be together just to get slapped in the face by him again!
Since the death of our baby and he went back to work things seemed to go down hill from there but after speaking with mutal friends and hearing what he had to say behind my back it goes on even before that and he never told me...So I feel our entire relationship was a lie and he never truly loved me...He says the words to me as he drives away for the third time leaving me since our daughters death I do love you then I never heard from him bascially again unless friends twisted his rubber arm into calling me...He hasn't been there for the kids either...It's been over a year today and still nothing and he still lies to me...Sends me a heartless message on Facebook telling me he's done it's over between us then he blocks me...
Has had amt opportunity to tell me to my face but still continues to lie and he left councling and isn't doing anything to try and better himself...I'm a strong person have went ahead with the divorce and am moving on the best I can and being there for my kids and doing things for myself....But deep down my heart still aches and breaks for this man why? He's not worth it...Why I keep asking myself that why do I still love him after all of this?
I know I deserve better and deserve nothing but the best and pure happiness...I will find it one day I hope...I guess right now I just feel alone..I have great support in friends and family don't get me wrong on that but I mean as a S/O love and support I feel alone and abandoned.
5 people like this
16 responses
@magicalangel (642)
• Brisbane, Australia
1 May 09
Do not find it, it will come to your way. Searching for such feeling is never satisfying and it has no time boundary. Some are very eager to fall in love as they have heard or seen so much about love. But I think love is just a feeling you can feel rather than searching for it.
3 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
1 May 09
So very true...I've been told it will happen when you least expect it and not go looking for it...hugzzz to you!
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
1 May 09
Very true! If you spend your life looking for true love you will never have it, but if you have an open mind and open heart it will come to you in due time!
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
1 May 09
You are most definitely correct!!! Searching for your true love is a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME!!! True love will come to you in its own time. It is NOT something you can rush!!! Keep your heart open & receptive, but NEVER try to force it!!!
3 people like this
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
2 May 09
hmm... I'd been married for about a year now and somehow I can sympathize with a thought of having the only guy who you hope will be there in the worst part of your life, will suddenly abandon you coz he can't deal with his own loneliness... He has his own issues to deal with and this pain has both given a toll to both of you, only that he chooses to isolate himself. There are really people like that, maybe he's just confused or lost or something... but its not an excuse for leaving you either. But I suggest you give it some time coz both of you are still in the grieving stage... I hope that the process of healing will happen soon. Don't you guys went into counseling? Maybe it can help... Don't be hard on yourself either, and don't blame him as well, there are just guys who lose their sense of direction when faced with adversities like these. No amount of experience can even prepare us to face trials that just happen. Accidents do happen and we are always caught unaware of it. Give it sometime... rest assured i wan't you to know that you're not alone okay... we're here for you...
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
I have gone for councling for myself and he was in councling and told me he wanted to see us get to marriage councling just to give up on councling all together and send me a message on facebook telling me it's over I've tried to see that he is dealing with alot and be understanding to it but I'm tired as this has been his pattern for years and until he seeks the help he deseperatly needs he will not change I've accepted that...I hope one day he will talk to me...But for now I've gone through with the divorce as it's been a year since he walked out and almost 2 years since we lost baby....
1 person likes this
@pickoy (733)
• Philippines
2 May 09
in that case, you need to move on now, and be happy... you deserve it my dear... things will be brighter tomorrow, you can't wait forever if he is not willing to heal himself. You also have your own right to be happy and be healed from this pain. I hope things go well for you very soon.
3 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Thank you so much for that and your right...I've been through enough hurt and pain to last me a life time I feel and it's time for me to hold my head high and move forward and be happy...I will first just cry my pain away and look to a brighter tomorrow!
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12148)
• United States
1 May 09
I am soooo sorry for the loss of your child!!! I am also very sorry for the loss of your hubby!!! YES, you will meet your true love one day. Maybe your hubby is still grieving over the loss of your daughter & just saying things to be spiteful & hurtful. If so, he is WRONG for doing that!!! Assuming that he is being honest, go on with the divorce & your life. You cannot change his feelings. You are correct...YOU DESERVE MUCH MORE!!! As long as you're pining over this jerk, you will NEVER find your true love!!!! 
So, it is important to forget this clown. Yes, it will be hard with children still bonding you to him. Don't be looking for true love...let it come to you. It took me 30 years after my divorce to meet my true love, but IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT!!! 
That was 30 wasted years filled with tons hurt & hatred. After finding my true love & feeling the difference in me, I realized that if I had just let it go, I might have been happier sooner!!!
So, it is important to forget this clown. Yes, it will be hard with children still bonding you to him. Don't be looking for true love...let it come to you. It took me 30 years after my divorce to meet my true love, but IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT!!! That was 30 wasted years filled with tons hurt & hatred. After finding my true love & feeling the difference in me, I realized that if I had just let it go, I might have been happier sooner!!!3 people like this
@abanerji (1026)
• India
1 May 09
well, it is obvious that you feel abandoned and lonely. i am not married so i may not be able to give you a very experienced advise but still i believe that everyone has the right to live a happy life and a life that brings satisfaction.
i feel you must speak to your husband face to face and ask him what he actually wants out of the relationship. your relation is not just a mere friendship that you discuss things on facebook... go ahead , speak and then take a decission, come into concensus. either give a second try tot he relationship or just walk away witout a heavy heart and start a new life.
best wishes.. anyways.. i wish you get what your heart desires...
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
1 May 09
I agree with you on the face to face converstation and I've tried over and over to talk with him but he still won't so it's like trying to talk to a brick wall...I don't think I will ever give him a chance to even try and make things up to me...I truly believe he won't ever change and that's sad but you are right I'm moving forward and trying to put that part of my life behind me...Take Care!
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
3 May 09
That's my aim...I can only hope he will give me that face to face talk but until then I'm moving forward!
@janette2009 (168)
• United States
2 May 09
You will find true love. I wanna start off by saying I'm sorry about your daughter. That definitely has to hurt worse than the man you love leaving you. She's with God, so she's safe :). Now... All the lying and just beating around the bush about situations in a relationship, I've been there. The reason they do the things they do is, because they're unsure of things themselves. I wasn't married, but I was "supposed" to get married to this guy. I put everything into our relationship, only to, just like you, get smacked in the face for it! He cheated, he lied, and all the while I was being a girlfriend, who knew she deserved better, but just kept letting it happen. He would break up with me every year for 6 years, always hurting me and leaving me with a bunch of questions! Finally, in January 09, we broke up, for good. He now has a fiance - whom he was dating 4 days after we split - and is getting married this summer. Can you imagine how I felt when I found this out? I was so upset. BUT, it all goes back to - things happen for a reason. Keep loving your kids, live for them and love them with everything you got. You never know, in the end he could change and at least realize he needs to be there for the kids. Your prince charming will come along, just like mine will. Just be patient, and know that God is on your side, He already knows where this person is who will come sweep you off your feet, just trust Him.
3 people like this
@kskly3 (1)
• Philippines
2 May 09
I know its hard for you to be in situation like this, but since your husband thinks its really over between the two of you then it might be better if you also do the same. You have to move on and start a new life for your daughters sake. Life doesn't stop here and I know you'll find another love, much better than before.
Being lonely is just but natural, but you will overcome it in due time. We don't need to search love because it will come in due time, let's just wait and see.
3 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
I guess my heart is still broken that I have to find my way above water and your right true love will find me one day I truly belive there is someone out there for everyone!
1 person likes this
@ronslove (481)
• Philippines
2 May 09
Cheer up!!! Your lucky, why? you have your kids and your kids have you. Dont be bothered if you will ever find a true love. I'm sure you will find love in time without you knowing that it's already there. Dont focus yourself on finding love, let LOVE find you. For the meantime, i suggest give your best shot to your kids, they need you more than anyone else. Do things that makes you happy and contented. Leave all ideas of love to nature, time and destiny.
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Thanks for that and yes I am spending a great deal of time with my kids...Although breaks from them from time to time are also welcomed and nice...
1 person likes this
@arcidy (5005)
• United States
2 May 09
I feel the same way as you do. I cant even to get a girl to go out with me no matter how hard I try. I feel like im cursed and dont think ill ever find that special girl for me wich I really want because im so damn lonely and depressed and nothing can help me except having a girlfriend to love me and I love her. But hopefully one day that will happen.
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
I've had some wonderful advice on this topic and I'm going to take it...It will happen when we don't go out looking for it be patient and it will happen hugzzz to you!
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
2 May 09
Relationships are hard. I was married once, to a man I had two kids with. And then he cheated and cheated and cheated till I just couldn't take it anymore and kicked his butt to the curb.
Then I was in a 13 year relationship that was good but not the best either. I think when we get older we tend to settle with the one who comes along. Or I should say I did. I am going to be 52 this month and I feel like I still haven't met that true one for me. Maybe there really isn't that true one. That great love of my life. I know I haven't met that great one or I would still be with him.
I am now sort of single but not. I am still sort of in the 13 year relationship but we don't live in the same city anymore. I moved away last year and he was supposed to follow me after he came to see if he could find a job before he quit the one he has now. He comes to visit but doesn't look for a job so I don't think he really wants to, and I am not hurt by it so I have to question myself, do I really love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, if I am not hurting by being away from him. hmmmm Why is love and life so hard!!
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Ive asked myself that same question why is love and life so hard sometimes...I know right now if it's ment to happen one day for me then it will but I also am still really hurting over how my ex husband has treated me and the more I find out about what he has said to me behind my back and has lied and continues to lie about reallllly hurts me...
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
5 May 09
Your right so right about that...I just heard something the other day that he said about me behind my back and surprisly enough I didn't care...I said look who it's coming from! What was said and who it was said to was dis-respectful that I can't bring up right now...But the word expressed about me I didn't care I was so proud of myself!
1 person likes this
@chrislotz (8137)
• Canada
5 May 09
Give yourself some time to heal and learn to be content with your life and then whatever he says behind your back won't matter anymore. But it takes time girlfriend and so you need to not rush it and just get over him.
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Yes I did try to leave and end it with his first but of course he wanted to be immature about the entire situation...I will find love one day and even if I don't I have two beatiful children and lots of great friends!
1 person likes this
@clorissa123 (4926)
• United States
2 May 09
You won't be abandoned. A failed relationship is not mean the end of the world. In millions of billions of people. You will definitely find someone who will appreciate your love, and beauty. That is what I think. Someone gotta be meant to be on your side. If you think that man isn't going to love you anymore, you just to have try to forget him. He ain't worth it, that is what you said. Then try to moving on. You deserve better.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Thanks for your response and your right I do deserve better and he may turn out to change if he gets help doesn't mean I would ever take him back but we could be friends!
1 person likes this
@NuttyMomma (901)
• United States
2 May 09
I am sorry for you because you are going through a lot of pain. the loss of a child takes time to get through. you never forget it, it just gets easier to deal with. you still feel bad about your husband because he hurt you. it is ok to feel like this, you need time to get over it. you know you are worthy of better and you will have better some day because you know what you deserve. now is the time for you to be there for your children and lean on your friends and family for support. you will get through this hard time. stop focusing so much on what he did to you. it is over and you cannot change it. let go and move forward. visualize the future and try to be excited over the unknown. build a new life for yourself and your children. you know that you are a good person and you will be happy again. allow yourself to grieve for your losses and still go to counseling but look forward!
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
I think that is what I'm going through right now with my emotions being all over the place it's my heart grieving and letting go of the pain and hurt that I've felt...and am still feeling...thanks for your response!
1 person likes this
@substance (585)
• India
2 May 09
We woman will never learn, since we always hanker for the ONE that got away. Its a well known fact. We all want something we can't have. You know he is not worth it, but still your heart aches. Rite?Its time to move on, and time is a great healer.
What i suggest to you is make a fresh start over and leave all those ugliness behind and think of ways to keep your family going and you can also join some NGOs.
I can see that you are still young and deserves much more than what you are getting at present.
Most of the time" we keep looking at the closed doors for so long that we never notices the new door that have opened for us".
Keep smiling. Life is meant to be lived...
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Well written and you are so very right...That seems to be exactly what I'm doing is looking at the closed doors instead of finding the open ones...I will definatly keep my head up I know the heart ache will soon pass...
1 person likes this
@Hedwig (283)
• China
2 May 09
Sorry for all the suffers that you went through.
I always think that everyone deserves to find his or her ture love and enjoy a happy life.This guy,who hurt you so relentlessly,dont deserve your love. I think that you should have a conversation with him and finish this relationship once for all.
I believe that you will find your ture love one day. Get over this guy and move on!Good luck!
2 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Just waiting for the divorce papers to be finanlized so I can put him in my past and not look back...Right now my heart is just letting out the hurt...
1 person likes this
@ajithlal (14716)
• India
2 May 09
I am sorry to hear about it. I am sure you will be able to find the true life in your life. I think you should try to keep yourself busy. When a person tries to sit idle he or she will be feel more loneliness and abandoned. I think if you tries to visit your friend's houses and parties and librariries there is a greater chance of finding true person in your life. Best of luck friend.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Yes I do need to get out more and I'm so excited because local stock car season starts in a week Vroom Vroom....I've been spending lots of time with my kids and friends and family as well!
1 person likes this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
1 May 09
I know we have talked about this quite a few times and I feel like I can never apologize enough! I am still in shock that he could leave like that, say those things behind your back, and treat you and the kids like he has! I can understand you questioning his feelings and if he ever loved you but honestly I think the damage with you and the kids has already been done and it is best left unsaid. I know it hurts like hell and the silence and no answers is killing you but I know in time you'll get there! Your a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for and one day you will find a man that loves and respects you and your kids more then your soon to be ex ever did! Then you will know and experience true love and you will be soooooooo happy, and feel whole! I honestly can't wait for that day because hun you sooooooooooooooooo deserve it :)
Luv & Hugzz, PurpleTeddyBear xx
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
2 May 09
Very true that he should be the one apologizing, but none likes to see someone they care about (you and your kids) hurt at the expense of someone else! Especially someone like him OMG he makes me so angry!
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
1 May 09
You are so right and honestly you have no need to apologize and I appreciate that you have been there for me...We were both fooled by him actually being a human being lol....The only one who needs to be sorry for his actions his him!
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
2 May 09
Oh I know he makes me angry and very upset too...Too think I let him fool me into thinking he really loved me for soo long just to get burned really is what gets me!
1 person likes this
