Starting My Life Over Again
By hoghoney
@hoghoney (3747)
United States
May 3, 2009 12:12pm CST
Hello all
Just a bit of a rant here because you are all my friends and family here.
Well life was good and treating me very well up til a few months ago. My boyfriend of 5 and a half years decided last month that he didnt want to be with me anymore because I didnt have a job and he said he was busting his butt everyday and not getting anywhere. Well that is because he pays child support big time on two kids.
Anyhoo..I could not believe that he turned his back on me like he did and I came home one day and all my stuff was out in th driveway. But here is the kicker, after 5 years being with the best guy in the world, I mean I could not ask for anyone better then he was..but a few months back his mommy added him to her cell phone accout and got him a new phone and from then on her was attached to her apron string again. That is when things started to go down hill not to mention that we were also living with his dad because he had some health problems...big mistake there.
So now he pertty much kept most of the stuff we had together and left me with just my clothes and the dog..So now I have to at 46 years old start my life all over again..done went through two bad marriages in my time but at least I had stuff when it was over...this time I have to but all new stuff..heck he even kept my bed and it was mine from before I met him...dang fool he is..but I guess it is for the best because I dont deal well with mama boys.
And the funny thing is that I hear from some people that he works with that he wines about things he has to do now for himself that I did for him...I think in time he will wake up and wonder what the heck happened because we were so good together and was happy til mommy came into the relationship.
Thanks for the ear all.
19 people like this
46 responses
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
3 May 09
I am sorry to hear all your going through. I have just started over again as well so I know how much of a pain in the butt it is. You say he will wake up and realise what he's done, what will you do if that day comes? Will you take him back?
5 people like this
@StrawberryKisses (2833)
• Canada
6 May 09
good to hear. you seem like a strong woman. 20 yrs is a long time my aunt just had that happen, I'm just glad shes young enough to start over and now she can have kids.
1 person likes this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 May 09
Oh no..when a man makes his mind up to leave me that is it..there is no coming back...sorry about his luck and I hope he rots in He!l..hehe. I am not one to put myself back into the frying pan twice. No take backs here hun. I must be something in the air right now..I have one friend on one of my sites that her husband of 20 years told her a few months back that he was leaving her...20 years..I think I would of just beat that man to peices.
3 people like this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
3 May 09
I'm so sorry that you are having to start all over again....My situation is a bit different my husband walked out on me and his two kids with just the clothes on his back I returned most of his clothes to him that I managed to put into garbage bags but as for the rest of his stuff and a few odds and ends of clothes I've given away and kept as it's my legal right he was to chicke sh** to come and get his belongs hugzzzz I'm here if you need to talk!
5 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 May 09
Awww hun I am sorry to hear about you and your husband also...I thank god that I didnt marry this one...It just shocked me that he didnt want to be with me because I didnt have a job but heck I have not worked in two years..Most that know me here know that two years ago I fell and dislocated my elbow really really bad and it put me off work for sometime...and when he said he was leaving me because I didnt have a job it was all I could do to not bust him in the mouth...you know what I mean...lol.
2 people like this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
3 May 09
Awwww Sweetie I am so sorry that he did this to you! If you lived close to me I'd tell you to come stay with me for a while! One day he will realize just how good he had it, and in a sense I think he is already starting if he's whining about having to do things you did for him! The one thing that makes me angry is that he is keeping stuff that is rightfully yours for example the bed that you had before you even met him. That's not right! If you need me hun I am just a pm away!
Love ya much, PurpleTeddyBear xx
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
3 May 09
Awww Thank you sweetie...but really I am doing fine. Iam staying with my son right now til I can find some work which I should be starting a new job next week. And then I got to find a new place to live. but like I said it might as well be for the best..he was 35 and I am 46 and he was always saying that he was never getting married again and I think that at some point in my life that is left I might want to get married again if I really find the right person to spend the rest of my life with. And as for the bed not a big deal I can get a new one which I think after shareing it with him a new one would be best also...new start, new life, new bed, with a new man...hehe. and if you live closer i would come visit you I can use a vacation..lol.
5 people like this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
3 May 09
Your sooooo right hun ... new bed, new man, new life! I really admire your outlook on all of this, and I'm so proud of you for not letting him get you down! That's great that your staying with your son too! Good luck with the new job too hun :)
Luv Ya Lots, PurpleTeddyBear xx
4 people like this
@zed_k4 (17589)
• Singapore
4 May 09
This is why I cannot stay away from mylot. Friends here are with real problems and not faking it or something. I find myself to be in the true sense of the word of 'real world' whenever I come online to mylot.
And with that, I would like to say I'm so sorry that these bad things are happening to you right now. Though I don't know you that well, I'm sure you are a very nice person and it's really bad when break-ups of long years happen just like that. I know what you mean when you said somewhere along the lines that your ex of around 5 years could just blink an eye and forget everything that you and him have gone through and drove you out. He must be crazy. It's either he's stupid or someone have gotten into his thick skull.
Does his mom dislike you that much or what? Or was the decision of his own accord. I felt shameful for him for doing like that to a lady. What must he be thinking. However, you did right by looking for a job and trying to start afresh. They say misfortunes are sometimes blessing in disguise. Perhaps you are better off without him. Do take care my friend and keep all of us update as to your progress.
3 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
5 May 09
I am holding out for someone that would be really special...heck in the 5 years we were together and he could never ever tell me that he loved me...said he just dont say that stuff because of what his ex wife did to him...well I just say he is now no better then her.
3 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 May 09
It was his mom that got into his skull..I guess I should find me a man that is not a country boy and a red neck...hehe. At least now I dont have to worry about a bunch of junk piled up around my yard now. I will keep all updated on me..and I am a really great person that loves making friends and having fun. And yes I am now better off with out him.
4 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 May 09
Well if he would of just talked to me instead of running like a baby I might of got a job...but he just turned his back on me and said nothing. He was not even going to tell me he was leaving me and that we were done..I had to pry it out of him. And yes he is a jerk.
3 people like this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
4 May 09
Your story takes me back about 35 years when a similar thing happened to me. After mother-in-law's continual interference into affarirs she had no right to be involved in, I had finally had enough, so I gave my wife the ultermatum, it'e either me or her. Mother-in-law had once again moved into my home, and again tried to take control. That's when I learned that blood is thicker than water, so I moved out. One Friday when it was my turn for the kids, the house was empty. It took me almost two months to find where she had taken my children. Eventually, I found out she had moved into a house bought for her by my ex brother-in-law. His wife, my wife's sister passed away a few years earlier, and ha had a lot of money, so I was on the outer with nothing.
Now however, I have never been happier, and have been with my Thai wife for over 12 years. You will find happiness if you look in the right places. After years of being turned against me, my adult children and their kids are closer to me than their mother, and she has experienced another divorce, and in unhappy and lonely, but has money.
Best of luck hoghoney
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 May 09
Yea blood is thicker then water...and the thing that makes me mad the most is that we lived with his dad for the past year and I cleaned the house and picked up after his dad and did his dad's dishes all the time...the man didnt do anything for himself...and got no thanks for any of it but to be booted out to the streets.
and two weeks before he broke up with me we even went and looked at this one trailer to move into and guess what his mommy went and paid a little over 7,000 dollars for it so that he can move into it and even told the landlords that owned it..that I was not to be at that trailer because she was not paying for a roof over my head...and I never did anything wrong to his mom but been nice to her.
4 people like this
@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
4 May 09
Sounds like you and I, unfortunately, got involved with similar families. I hope, when you put all this behind you, and your life settles down again, you, like me, can say, "well, thank God for that," and live in peace nd happiness. Good luck!
2 people like this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
4 May 09
Hi hoghoney,
Sorry to hear about your situation.
You have put it rather calmly and I applaud your tenacity to not slide into hysteria.
Is his mommy really the devil clothed in flesh? Why doesn't she approve of you both being together?
Though it seems to me that your boyfriend has chosen bread over love (and he has not given you half his loaf), it is not for me or an outsider to make any judgment or opinion on your relationship.
I guess you can try to salvage what you can if that is what you want. Otherwise, see if you can move on and forward. Get a job or find a way to get a source of income. Hardly easy I know but that's the best lame advice I have to offer.
May the Universe cuddle you in its arms and provide a sanctuary for you.
~sincerely
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
6 May 09
Awwwwww..thank you Lord. That was great advice but was just ranting about it to get it off my chest..I dont want him back and will not look back and as for his mom not sure what he deal with me is..never did a dang thing to the woman but been nice to her..So I am and have moved forward to better things to come..and I do have a new job now that I will be starting with in the next few days or at least by this next week...Love and Hugs to you hun.
4 people like this
@lordwarwizard (35747)
• Singapore
7 May 09
Yup, I understand about the "ranting" part. It definitely helps to have someone to talk to when we meet with situations that are not everyday. Just "venting" usually helps.
And wow congratulations! You've got a source of income that soon! I wish you much success in your new job and may you be welcome, loved and respected at your workplace. 
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30959)
• United States
4 May 09
I've been thru all that a couple of times and lost everything as well. I will never put myself in that spot again. I learned and for your sake, I hope you did too. He may have been the greatest guy when times were good but it looks as tho he was not all that supportive or kind when you guys were going thru some tough times. His mom may have had a hand in it but to be honest....any guy worth anything would have never let mommy ruin his relationship. You deserve much better.
3 people like this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
9 May 09
We don't want or need no mama boys. Phew, phew!!
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 May 09
Sweet dancing hoghoney, when I read your discussion earlier today, it was my last straw. I was so near tears then because I know your pain so very well. My day hasn't gone good at all, went to meet a mylot friend and some how or another, she got lost and then got a phone call that a friend was at her house from out of state, like she was and she had to go back home. Then another friend in a different country is being sorely treated by her mother and now you. I had to go lay down and take a nap in hopes to help my spirit some but it didn't. Oh well. My heart hurts for the two of you that are hurting like you are because I've been in both places at one point or another and it's no fun at all. Now I have something to say about this A-HOLE so bear with me here. You said and I quote "after 5 years being with the best guy in the world, I mean I could not ask for anyone better then he was" I hope and pray to God you don't really mean that!! From what you've told us, you can't really believe that, can you? Come on gal!! He threw you out without notice and kept your things!! That is so NOT the best guy in the world!! Far from that!! He just threw away a wonderful and good person, just kicked you to the curb like some road side trash!! You seriously need to wake up here. Even if he wanted you to come back, I would not do it for any amount of money in this world! Nothing is worth that jackass. NOTHING! Now you need to get your butt to small claims court and sue his socks off for your things and split the difference of the rest of the stuff. He's scum and should be treated as such! Bless your heart! I wish you nothing but the best because you deserve nothing less!!
3 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 May 09
I will take a glass of that wiskey over there...hehe..Wow I am glad you and your hubby are ok..this is some crazy weather we are having right now..hell all last week we had rain here..I was so sick of seeing rain. I am glad that your day is over hun...brighter skies tomarrow.
4 people like this
@AngryKittyMSV (4317)
• United States
4 May 09
Sorry you had to find out the hard way that your former man is a gutless wonder, but look at the bright side, at least you didn't marry him!
Seriously though, he has no legal right to keep ANY of YOUR stuff and half of the stuff you guys bought together you may also be in your legal right to take back.
It may not be worth the effort, only you can decide that. But if you want your stuff, as royal suggested, you can talk to a lawyer or even the local police about getting it back. However, I understand if you just want to make a clean break and forget all about the "stuff".
He really took the coward's way out and he will have to live with the shame of what he's done. You are better off without him.
You are a bright, smart, warm loving person - anyoen who knows you even a little bit can CLEARLY see that! It's his loss, really. You are a smart lady and I have every confidence that you will be able to make a wonderful new life without that deadbeat and he will be terribly sorry he ever let you go.
It's nice to see you back at mylot, I just wish it were under better circumstances. But you know, God doesn't close a door without leaving open a window, this will be a wonderful opportunity for you to build the kind of life you've always wanted and deserve to have. Enjoy your freedom, you've earned it.
Seriously though, he has no legal right to keep ANY of YOUR stuff and half of the stuff you guys bought together you may also be in your legal right to take back.
It may not be worth the effort, only you can decide that. But if you want your stuff, as royal suggested, you can talk to a lawyer or even the local police about getting it back. However, I understand if you just want to make a clean break and forget all about the "stuff".
He really took the coward's way out and he will have to live with the shame of what he's done. You are better off without him.
You are a bright, smart, warm loving person - anyoen who knows you even a little bit can CLEARLY see that! It's his loss, really. You are a smart lady and I have every confidence that you will be able to make a wonderful new life without that deadbeat and he will be terribly sorry he ever let you go.
It's nice to see you back at mylot, I just wish it were under better circumstances. But you know, God doesn't close a door without leaving open a window, this will be a wonderful opportunity for you to build the kind of life you've always wanted and deserve to have. Enjoy your freedom, you've earned it. 3 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
6 May 09
I am glad to be back also..been popping in and out for a bit but also was without internet for 5 months last year...but anyhoo. Yes he was gutless..I found out that he was moving things out of that little shop that we had into storage behind my back and doing other things...and I think he was just going to move his stuff little by little and not even tell me he was leaving me..but I forced it out of him one day and that is when he told me he didnt want to be with me anymore...I just wanted to rip his head off but I just turned around and called my son and told him what he had did and the next day when I came home is when he sat all my stuff outside...But now when I get me a new place to live I can do what I want with it and wont have to worry about anyone telling me how I can decrate it...you know this will be the first time I have really had a place just for me and noone living with me since I was 17 years old...so I am going to have the time of my life.. You know you are like family to me and so are a few other friends I have here and I am so glad that you all are here...Lov you much.
3 people like this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
9 May 09
Congratulations on the new job. Woo Hoo!! Things are falling into place for you. Yes, it is nice you are back on the Lot.
2 people like this
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
9 May 09
And we are going to have a great time starting fresh. The freedom of it all is exciting.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
17 May 09
LMBO at royal!! 
I don't think it's explainable dear. 
Let that one just float on by..... 
I don't think it's explainable dear. Let that one just float on by..... @super2cool (34)
• United States
4 May 09
I am very sad after hearing what happened to you, but your boyfriend is right. If you to are in a relationship, you should earn as much as he does.
3 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
4 May 09
You tell him...For your info Super2Cool..I might not of had a job job but I didnt babysit every morning for a lady and had some money coming in...He only said that he was leaving because I didnt have a job to make him self look good and his mommy...and not only that the whole time I was off work these past two years I had money coming in from my kids dad on back support and was supporting him when he was not working...but he!l if I would of thought to throw him out...He just dont have any money because he pays alot of support on his kids which is not my fault or my problem to pay...I didnt tell him to get married have kids and then get divoriced...so even if I had a job I would be making much more then him anyway because I worked as a C.N.A and here they make great money...So I would of been supporting him.. and he was a I want kind of guy always wanting something but never had the money to get it...So shame on you.
Great job telling him off CatsandDogs...XXOO
4 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
4 May 09
What the hell is your problem? Get a load of yourself you scum bag!! She LOST her job and was trying to find another one!! Besides, money should NEVER and I repeat, NEVER be a reason to kick someone out and keep their belongings!! How dare you come on here and tell her that!! Why don't you go on somewhere else because with that type of comments, you're so NOT welcomed here!
4 people like this
@makingpots (11915)
• United States
4 May 09
Sorry to hear this, hoghoney. Chin up my friend. You may once have believed him to be the best guy in the world, but no decent man would leave a womans clothes and nothing else to survive with out on a driveway. Look around for the blessings in all this. There are usually many, but we have to look for them in times like this.
3 people like this
@chillpill90 (1936)
•
4 May 09
Well life sucks at times and it sounds like you have had it pretty hard.
But still you should get him to give you back your stuff like your bed because there not cheap to buy, im sorry that such a long relationship has ended. I can only imagine how you feel. But look to the future you dont need to be with someone who your doing stuff for and is too scared to stand up to their parents.
Maybe you and this guy werent meant to be. Hope fully you will find a guy who has some bottle and will not be pushed about by their parents. But what you should do now which im sure you are is focus on you and your dog and get your lif back on track dont rush into another relationship cos then you will get hurt. Get your head down spend time with your friends get a job if you can find one cos i know its hard and just take life as it comes.
Starting over your life sounds like the best option and dont pine for that guy its his loss. He obviously didnt deserve you.
3 people like this
@hoghoney (3747)
• United States
5 May 09
OH ChillPill..I dont pine for any man...and then only guy in my life is my dog. I also have a job now I am just waiting for them to call me Thrusday and let me know what my hours will be...so by next week I should be back to work...and I think it is funny that where he is living at is right next door to the place we lived at for 4 years together and every time he walks out his door he will be reminded of that...sucks to be him.
2 people like this
@zzyw87 (1254)
• Philippines
4 May 09
It really is hard having a boyfriend who is a mama's boy. It will always feel as if you are always competing with the mother for the guy's attentions and love. Maybe you really are better off without him. But he was wrong in the fact that he just suddenly left you out in the cold and just gave you your clothes and dog. You should have gotten all your things that rightfully belonged to you and not gave it to him. You deserve better guy. :)
@satvinder (5)
• India
4 May 09
Hay I am sorry what had happened with you In today's world it is very hard to find any partner who will stand along with you when you really need its support.But what I am getting positive hints from your words that you have not lost yet now you are still left with some hope just gather all your positive thoughts and go ahead you will be again top of the world.
3 people like this
@mnk202 (338)
• United States
4 May 09
I admire your discussion, for what you went through it definitly seems that you are still very much positive and something like that is hard to be positive about at times. It sounds like everything was going great with the two of you until his mother got a hold of him. i am sorry you had to go through that and I do hope you are able to build back up again and keep going with life because there is still plenty of it to live. Also you never know soon he may realize that he made a mistake for whatever his reasons where. I still to this day dont understand why men push woman aside when everything is going very good, I myself just went through that. Good Luck to you and I do hope everything works out for you.
