I'm loosing hope and but I still want to keep my marriage...

hi danielle !! iam really sry to hear abt all dis ur going through rite now. And on the other hand i really appreciate the sincerity ur showing towards saving ur relationship. You are truely working all ways to get past this bad times ur going thru and hats off to ur love and patience ur showing. I think its high time ur husband understands his responsibilities. I believe that u will have to show that ur the one earning and he's the one who is just sitting around and spending on dat hard earned money. Being 22 ,he is mature enough to understand his responsibility and maybe he needs a stimulus to know this. I have a suggestion for u which u can gove a try. Take a leave frm ur work for sme dayz and show that u have lost ur job and now u dnt have money enf to support ur home needs and ur baby needs to be more emotional. I believe this will make him realize that it's high time to get up and do smething for the family support. Try to make him emotional by asking him wat he's planned for his kids and how will he face them when they will ask what their father does. I know its gonna be tough for u doing all this bt maybe this could work and he might understand his burden of the family responsibilities. If even then he doesnt understands, then i suppose the love he shows towards urself is merely for the comfortable life he's enjoying with u by sitting home and doing nothing. I know its gonna be a little harsh on him also but when he married u irrespective of the age gap, he must've known the effects its gonna have on ur future. All the Best for ur relation :-)

i am sorry to hear about it.i am not quite understand that whether a young man can take any responsibility.when i was 22,i pays more attention to how to earn more money after i graduate from my university,i even have no time to taking care of my little dog. so the best solution is you should have a talk with him,let him know you are not his mother or baby-siter,you are his wife and need his love and help and support

I'm not in your situation, so I can't get your feeling and I just give an objective analysis A single girl can enjoy herself at the age of 22, but it's unacceptable for a husband and a father, no matter how old he is, especially when his wife have to do many jobs. I don't understand how can he dares to say that he loves you after his irresponsibility and after your fightings. But yes, he needs you who earn for the family. I have a friend who get married with a younger man like you. In the first time theyre were very happy. But then the husband show his laziness. While my friends has to work hard and has no time to care about her contribution to the family, he plays around with the nice girls who are younger than him. (Obviously, after the time, he sees that you his wife is too old to be by his side). But he doesn't want to devorce, he doesn't need the family in fact, but he needs the income from my friend. And she chooses to maintain this marriage because she wants her daughter to have a father. I think it's a mistake. The wife continues to suffer all. The daughter feel ashamed of her father, even she said to me that she would rather have no father. Finally only the bad guy takes advantge. I don't know about your husband so I don't throw him in the same basket, but you should take care.

Well you said it he's 22 and you're 28 and i'm 29 lol....He seems to still have a little kid in him thats where the irresponsiblities kick in. But sweetheart I must say when he decided to say I do he gave that life up he has to man up and pull some weight of his own and for his family. He may be young but thats not an excuse to be lazy and useless you are the primary bread winner now at least the house could be clean and bath water along with dinner should be prepared and you need to flat out tell him that. I have been working since I was 16 years old and I must add full time now I work partttime because my husband is the sole provider in the household that a mans duty to his family and most men are honoerd to foot that bill I think you need to read Steve Harveys new book Act like a Lady but Think like a man and you will get the answers you need in a nutshell. I'm never going to tell you to leave your husband because that would be wrong but you need to talk and get some ground rules. You have a lot of pressure on you and that causes health problems so stop raising two children he is a man and if he wanted to lounge around the house and be childish with his actions (no helping you) then maybe he should have stayed home with mommy. Tell him the truth even though it may hurt you've been hurting for sometime now. I will pray for you all and that this marriage will become stronger and you and the Hubby works things out.

Wow WOW WOW your husband is lazy im 23 and iv been working on and off since i was 19! you need to stop being soft its not fair on you to go to work come back and do everything. He is acting like a child so he washes the dishes thats what 10 mins at the most. Why doesn't he get a job then he would understand how you feel. He doesnt respect you he thinks he can do nothing and you will always accept it. You need to tell him he is a adult he needs to pull his weight if he doesnt do anythin around the house no matter how much you love him you got to put some rules in place. He wants to be a child so treat him like one, if he doesn't help around the house do some cooking or get a job then you wont give him any money to go out and you wont cook for him. It sounds like he is treating you like a new mum and not a equal!

I am sorry to read this, but the best possible solution to end this all is to talk with him and sort it, make sure you do not just let this discussion divert to some other topic as in these kind of situations we tend to lose our temper and just say something which should not be:( Just see that he loves you so much and thats the reason doesnt want to go away from him. Talk with him and divide the responsibilites, as he loves you he shall contribute actively and things would be fine

I am sorry Danielle. But I think, you should ask him about taking more responsibilities. I am sure he would understand for he loves you. it has not to be any hard and fast demarcation but both must be responsible. To be in love is beautiful but after a while things get to suck. Love takes the back seat. You are an extra ordinary lady for you are still so considerate. I sure want this to work. Pls reason with him and have a blessed life. Good luck!

I think there were so many things not compatible from start. Plus he is only 22. there are many things he does not like to do. why he does not try earning? it will make him good i guess.

Hello Danielle. I am so sorry to hear that your young husband is not up to your expectation. Young as he is, I think that he is supposed to be responsible for the family, especially when you have a child of your own. Anyway he is a man, husband to the wife, father to the child. You might urge him to look for some job to help the family. To be young is not a reason for him not to work, at least he is supposed to try his luck. You are a very nice and responsible wife and mother to the family. I appreciate your sense of responsibility. I wish you good luck, friend.

Hello Danielle, You have the right to ask him to take responsibilities. The issue here is not him being younger than you but the level of his maturity. There is always a way for him to look for a job and for a change help you with your livelihood and housework. Don't take up everything and put in on your shoulder, don't carry the world by yourself. That is the purpose of marriage sharing everything with each other. In your situation you have become the enabler. Don't allow him to be lazy. As his wife you should encourage him and challenge him. If he does love you as what he says he should help you share the load you are carrying on each day. Don't pressure yourself too much Danielle. Being older than him is not an excuse for him to be just hanging around and doing only a fraction of your work. There is always a way of talking to someone. Making them know what their responsibilities are and that is your task. To look for a way to get through to him. A marriage like a relationship cannot workout with only one person doing the work. Love is about sharing and caring for each other. If he does love you He should be treating you as a woman and not letting you do everything. And if all else fails Danielle you always have the option of letting go. The state of your relationship right now for me is really unhealthy. But before you waive the white flag, do everything first to make it workout and if all else fails ask for God's help and you should know what to do. Hope I was able to help you. Take care Danielle Yours truly, Scaflone ^_^

I have heard many marriage problem in newspaper.And one main woman problem is they love their husband too much but their husband dont love them or not love too much but only need them for their benefits......i hope your husband not.maybe this is happen because your husband is too young from you and not mature....

decide on what you think is the best for you and your family. but first of all try to think why you decided to marry a man like him when, i hope, you weren't forced to. was it with the way you think about things? just don't let the old attitude or behavior you had when you decided to commit yourself to him take over when deciding what to do now. we sure are well aware you married a man with no balls with the "old" you deciding. sorry. so let your "ideal" you take over.

You sound like a hard-working, sincere, loving person. He should be proud and honored to have you as his wife. It sounds to me as though he is not appreciating his situation, and doesn't know how good he has it. He's taking you for granted, and he's acting as though he's retired. It doesn't work like that. Only you can know your own situation, of course, and what's right for it--but what the people here on this board have been responding to, I think, is your obvious devotion to your family and your desire to improve things, your honesty, and your cry for help. It is a painful situation you're in--emotionally damaging and draining over time. Don't let it eat away at you: you deserve better, one way or another. Only your husband can decide whether or not he wants to wake up and appreciate how fortunate he is, and how thankful he should be to have a well-meaning, good hearted partner in life. Many many millions would love to be in his situation. Good luck with things--and know that you have "friends" here, even from thousands of miles away, who wish you well.

you should understand him. try to talk and listen each other feeling. show him that you love him to and try not saying anything that hurts his feeling. Love is the key to a relationship. See good things in him not just the bad side.

It sounds like you need to have good communication between you and your husband. You could try getting him to agree to help you for one hour a day for a month. By the end of that time you could have a wonderful day out together. Then you will feel more helped around the house and come together with him to discuss how things will be even better the next month. You might be able to save up to a cheap vacation somewhere. Good luck with your marriage.

I think he sees you as more of a mother figure than a wife, he expects you to provide for him and look after him and he doesn't really have to anything for you because your love should be unconditional. If he wants an adult relationship then he is going to have to grow up, if he is not up for that then he can always go back home and live with his Mam.

Good for you, Danielle. I totally approve of your having a separate account, for you and your children. That will help him get a better perspective, hopefully. A very intelligent and strong-willed course of action: good thinking!

you are one of a find lady you are still with him no matter of whats going on and the situation you guys are in he is a very lucky man but i think you should just sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk with him and tell him how you feel and see how it goes after that, if he loves you he will try to start changing for the better of the family